So, my friend Allison called me as soon as I finished posting the last blog. She invited me to go to the movies with her and a couple of her friends. My transition from loving being alone to YAY FRIENDS was instant.
Allison, unlike me, is never late. She asked me to be at her house at 6:20, to be at the theater at 6:45 (it’s only 10 minutes away, max) for a 7:20 showing. So I’m on time (yay) and we get to the theater at 6:30… which is actually kinda fun, because we got into the auditorium 30 minutes before start – which means that we go to watch a blurb on global warming, ScreenVision and lots of movie trailers. Oh, I left out the part where she and Heather knew everybody in the theater, so it’s like a bunch of friends in there… ok, so it was a bunch of friends in there, but I only knew 3 – but it felt like I knew everyone.
We went to see “Just Friends.” It was non-stop, can’t breathe, can’t make-a-sound-because-you-can’t-breathe-much-less-laugh hysterical. The entire audience was in stitches – for the entire movie.
It was great – not the movie, although it was hysterical – what was really great was that He knew, as much as I loved being alone today, I was beginning to feel alone, if you understand…
Anyway, He put me on her heart and I tagged along with them and had a total blast. I knew I nick-named her Beautiful for a reason…
11.24.2005
Tanning on Turkey Day
I love the Lord. Have I told anyone that lately?
He’s given me 5 days of downtime – time to be completely alone if I want – which I do at the moment.
This is the very first Thanksgiving Day I’ve spent by myself. Over-worked and under-rested (yes, that’s a word – I just made it up) I declined to do the family thing this year. My roommate is in Alabama with her family, my family is in Mississippi and I’m ALONE!!!
It’s funny how the passage of time changes your perspective. The 13 years I was with my ex, I dreaded the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular. It was the perfect excuse for all the men in his family to drink themselves stupid, and the women invariably bore the brunt of said stupidity. The years immediately following my marriage were times of loneliness – different than the loneliness that I experienced as a wife – and wondering when I would share in the festivities of another family’s traditions, and what they would be like.
This year, I find myself alone and thankful for it. I grew up in a very loose-knit family that I love, but one that only gathers for Thanksgiving and funerals. The community I’ve experienced at the Ring has gone a long way toward showing me what true fellowship looks and acts like. I look with alien’s eyes into the lives of my friends and the dynamics of their families, and maybe I’m a little envious of the love, laughter and belonging they share.
Praise the Lord that I belong to a much larger family now – the family of God – and, more intimately, the Ring family. If it is His will, one day I’ll belong to an earthly family – my husband’s family – and I’ll know the acceptance and belonging that comes with adoption into that family. For now, my adoption into the family of God more than sustains me.
So, how did I spend this balmy, Southern Thanksgiving? I read all morning, I tanned by the pool (yep, lying out at the end of November!) and then came in, ate a whole plate of green bean casserole left over from our Community Group Thanksgiving feast earlier this week, and read some more. It was great.
He’s given me 5 days of downtime – time to be completely alone if I want – which I do at the moment.
This is the very first Thanksgiving Day I’ve spent by myself. Over-worked and under-rested (yes, that’s a word – I just made it up) I declined to do the family thing this year. My roommate is in Alabama with her family, my family is in Mississippi and I’m ALONE!!!
It’s funny how the passage of time changes your perspective. The 13 years I was with my ex, I dreaded the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular. It was the perfect excuse for all the men in his family to drink themselves stupid, and the women invariably bore the brunt of said stupidity. The years immediately following my marriage were times of loneliness – different than the loneliness that I experienced as a wife – and wondering when I would share in the festivities of another family’s traditions, and what they would be like.
This year, I find myself alone and thankful for it. I grew up in a very loose-knit family that I love, but one that only gathers for Thanksgiving and funerals. The community I’ve experienced at the Ring has gone a long way toward showing me what true fellowship looks and acts like. I look with alien’s eyes into the lives of my friends and the dynamics of their families, and maybe I’m a little envious of the love, laughter and belonging they share.
Praise the Lord that I belong to a much larger family now – the family of God – and, more intimately, the Ring family. If it is His will, one day I’ll belong to an earthly family – my husband’s family – and I’ll know the acceptance and belonging that comes with adoption into that family. For now, my adoption into the family of God more than sustains me.
So, how did I spend this balmy, Southern Thanksgiving? I read all morning, I tanned by the pool (yep, lying out at the end of November!) and then came in, ate a whole plate of green bean casserole left over from our Community Group Thanksgiving feast earlier this week, and read some more. It was great.
11.21.2005
worship under water
I can't sing. That's probably not a big surprise to anyone who has sat beside me in church. I love to sing, but I'm one of those who can adjust their voice to whoever is singing, but solo is altogether... well, just wrong.
With that said, I was singing my little heart out in the shower last Friday. I mean, really belting it out. I was praising Him loud and proud... my neighbors could probably hear me...
I was singing a medley of songs - just praising Him with whatever lyrics came to mind. This went on for about 15 minutes when I moved on to, "Grace Flows Down," which is a derivation of the original, "Amazing Grace." All of a sudden, I had an accompaniment to my musical in the shower. Over the sound of my voice and the running water, I heard my cat, Manny, at the bathroom door. He was singing with me... proof that he is not the demon cat from hell - yes, that's directed at you Katie, Megan, Misty, Allison, Laurel, Michelle and whoever else denies his salvation...
He's really funny - he only sings along with me to "Grace Flows Down" and "Amazing Grace" - no other songs. He picked it up from my niece, Brittany, when I was living with my sister. She has a gorgeous voice and sings at the top of her lungs, too. He sang with her, and now he sings with me.
It was great. I had this picture of Him in my mind - hands clamped over His ears and grinning down at me, loving every minute of it.
With that said, I was singing my little heart out in the shower last Friday. I mean, really belting it out. I was praising Him loud and proud... my neighbors could probably hear me...
I was singing a medley of songs - just praising Him with whatever lyrics came to mind. This went on for about 15 minutes when I moved on to, "Grace Flows Down," which is a derivation of the original, "Amazing Grace." All of a sudden, I had an accompaniment to my musical in the shower. Over the sound of my voice and the running water, I heard my cat, Manny, at the bathroom door. He was singing with me... proof that he is not the demon cat from hell - yes, that's directed at you Katie, Megan, Misty, Allison, Laurel, Michelle and whoever else denies his salvation...
He's really funny - he only sings along with me to "Grace Flows Down" and "Amazing Grace" - no other songs. He picked it up from my niece, Brittany, when I was living with my sister. She has a gorgeous voice and sings at the top of her lungs, too. He sang with her, and now he sings with me.
It was great. I had this picture of Him in my mind - hands clamped over His ears and grinning down at me, loving every minute of it.
11.15.2005
one last day...
| I’ve been given a gift. A glorious gift from a glorious God; HE has allowed the warmth to linger – just for a day – for less than 24 hours before a cold front comes through from the west and brings the bite of chilly air. I’ve had this debate with, well, just about everyone I’ve talked to about the changing seasons. Most are looking forward to beautiful weather and cooler temperatures. Me, not so much. I hate being cold. I recognize His hand in the change of the seasons; I see the beauty of it all, and somewhere it speaks softly to my soul. It speaks of change, of stability, of the passage of time – lots of things that are proof that He knew what He was doing when He set everything in motion. My issue with all of this is being cold. I hate being cold. I can’t even wrap it in thoughts of His glorious design – I just flat hate being cold. Cold in south Louisiana is much different than any other place I’ve lived in the winter (Wyoming and north Texas). It’s a damp, chill-you-to-the-bones, make-your-muscles-shake-and-shiver-and-hurt kind of cold that lingers until April. The advent of the “winter” here sets in me a longing for warm spring days when the earth comes alive again, and His majesty and splendor are revealed positively everywhere. The earth bursts with life and hope and color and beauty. The “winter” in the South is nothing compared to other climes, and that’s fine – that’s why I don’t live there. But today, this glorious day, He has seen fit to give me one more day of warmth and sunshine and heavy, sultry southern air, and I love Him for it. This day is for me, and I praise Him for it. See, Meg – I’m not intense all the time… just most of the time… :P Here are some pictures I took this past spring here in BR, San Diego, La Jolla, Azle (that’s in TX) – reminders of places I’ve been and of things to come… I hope you enjoy them. Oh - one more thing - a HUGE THANK YOU to Travis and Matt for their help with the pics and html table - no way I could have done this without them. Thanks, guys! You're AWESOME!!! | |
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11.10.2005
Bitterness is a choice...
Bitterness is a choice…
The Body of Christ at the church I attend on Sunday mornings is broken. Apparently, this brokenness has been in the works, so to speak, for a while – several years, in fact. The good news here is that the Lord works mightily in our lives, individually and collectively, through the brokenness. How broken we have to be is entirely up to us. But because He loves us SO MUCH, He will continue to allow us to make wrong choices – it’s that dang free will thing – so that once we finally break, He can come in and do absolutely amazing things in and through us. “His strength is made perfect in our weakness.”
One of the reasons that I love going to church is that I learn so much. I have been praying for unity in the Body of Christ. A couple of weeks ago, my pastor spoke on the Body, and about how we already have unity through Christ’s sacrificial life, death, resurrection and ascension… we just don’t live like it. One Life, one death, one resurrection, one ascension – one Savior. How much more unity do we need before we actually GET IT, for crying out loud?
The next Sunday morning, I attended a different Sunday School than I normally do. It was actually kinda cool – I had absolutely no doubt that I was supposed to go, even though the times I have been before have been somewhat uncomfortable for me. We continued the discussion from the main sermon on extending grace, on forgiveness and what that looks like truly lived out it our lives. The discussion centered on how to continue the healing process within in church. It was a pretty provocative discussion, in the sense that it made you really think about His forgiveness. Who are we to withhold forgiveness from anyone? The staff ministers (we are pastor-less at the moment – the pastor I keep referring to is the pastor of the Ring Community Church, a church plant of the main church I attend on Sunday mornings) are trying to move the Body through the healing process towards Him. It’s quite a daunting task. Oddly enough, I had a lot to say in that particular discussion, because I have vast amounts of experience in brokenness, forgiveness (both sides of extending and receiving grace) and bitterness.
Ultimately, bitterness is a choice. Either you allow the Lord to work in your heart and you either ask for or receive forgiveness, or you become bitter. A really good example of this from the Scriptures is in Genesis, in the story of Jacob and Isaac. It goes something like this (Genesis 27) – Isaac had 2 sons, Jacob and Esau. Esau, as the oldest son, was to receive the father’s blessing and therefore his inheritance. Enter Rebekah, the mom, and the web of lies begins. She directs her gullible younger son, Jacob, to trick his aging father into giving him his blessing, therefore stealing it from his older brother. Check out this passage in verses 41 and 42 – “41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." 42 When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, "Your brother Esau is consoling himself with the thought of killing you.” Now, personally, I sympathize with Esau and don’t blame him for being angry. But to allow that anger to eat way at his heart, to grow and change to bitterness and thoughts of murder (no forgiveness there…) allows satan in and ultimately causes corruption from the inside out. (I’m currently studying Genesis in a Bible study by Beth Moore called, The Patriarchs – Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, so a lot of this is coming from that teaching – just to give the author and the Author credit).
Forgiveness is an outward sign of an inward condition, same as bitterness – it’s a heart reflection. Ultimately, forgiveness MJST happen one heart at a time, through intimacy with Christ – through a surrendered life, and a heart that seeks after, and abides in, the heart of God. As I said, our church leadership has a daunting task. Only through His transforming power and grace are we going to heal and move on. But, praise the Lord, He is so much bigger than a few stubborn hearts. I cannot wait to see HIM and His Kingdom displayed in its full glory in the Body and to the community in which we live.
11.02.2005
Sin and Redemption
Sin and Redemption
“Do I really have to do this?” Silence. An overwhelming sense of “You know you do, so quit asking” and yet, the flesh cringes and fear creeps in (ok, absolutely terrifies and envelopes) and I am caught.
The problem with sin is that it has consequences – sometimes far-reaching. The beauty of redemption and forgiveness is that they allow His light to shine, to heal, to correct, and to guide us to places we’d rather not go, but are blessed to have taken the journey once it’s over.
I’ve had several comments (not on the blog… boooo on people who won’t comment there) about my last post regarding the level of detail – or lack thereof – leaving a lot to the imagination. Well, quite honestly, it’s not just my sin – there are others involved which I will protect at all costs – and if I may be blunt, the sin is not the point. The healing, the love, the growth, the breaking out of 20-year sin cycles – His glory reigning in and over that situation – HE is the point. So rein your imaginations in – you’ll not get the details – they are not the point.
Continuing on from the last post, I talked to my pastor on a Tuesday. That Wednesday, I found myself in a position of asking for forgiveness from the one I hurt. Further proof that He is doing amazing things in my heart; that it has become more humble and unable to stand a wrong done to someone… I’ve had some difficult conversations in my life – we all have – but this one ranks right on up there in the top 5. Many tears and a couple of hours later, His light had further strengthened in me and another arrow had been knocked loose.
Don’t get me wrong – this was only achieved by Him and His grace. My obedience was part of it, my willingness to humble myself was part of it – but the desperate need to right a wrong, to repent and receive forgiveness – those are the things that drove me past my fear and into His light. As we talked, His Word absolutely exploded and He was glorified. His Word tells us that He turns all things for good for those who love Him – believe it, for it is Truth.
That Friday, the same friend and I ran out for Chinese take out. Check out the fortune cookies:
Who says He can’t speak through ancient Chinese wisdom? He is the LORD Almighty – He can do whatever He pleases, and praise Him for it!
“Do I really have to do this?” Silence. An overwhelming sense of “You know you do, so quit asking” and yet, the flesh cringes and fear creeps in (ok, absolutely terrifies and envelopes) and I am caught.
The problem with sin is that it has consequences – sometimes far-reaching. The beauty of redemption and forgiveness is that they allow His light to shine, to heal, to correct, and to guide us to places we’d rather not go, but are blessed to have taken the journey once it’s over.
I’ve had several comments (not on the blog… boooo on people who won’t comment there) about my last post regarding the level of detail – or lack thereof – leaving a lot to the imagination. Well, quite honestly, it’s not just my sin – there are others involved which I will protect at all costs – and if I may be blunt, the sin is not the point. The healing, the love, the growth, the breaking out of 20-year sin cycles – His glory reigning in and over that situation – HE is the point. So rein your imaginations in – you’ll not get the details – they are not the point.
Continuing on from the last post, I talked to my pastor on a Tuesday. That Wednesday, I found myself in a position of asking for forgiveness from the one I hurt. Further proof that He is doing amazing things in my heart; that it has become more humble and unable to stand a wrong done to someone… I’ve had some difficult conversations in my life – we all have – but this one ranks right on up there in the top 5. Many tears and a couple of hours later, His light had further strengthened in me and another arrow had been knocked loose.
Don’t get me wrong – this was only achieved by Him and His grace. My obedience was part of it, my willingness to humble myself was part of it – but the desperate need to right a wrong, to repent and receive forgiveness – those are the things that drove me past my fear and into His light. As we talked, His Word absolutely exploded and He was glorified. His Word tells us that He turns all things for good for those who love Him – believe it, for it is Truth.
That Friday, the same friend and I ran out for Chinese take out. Check out the fortune cookies:
- My friend’s – Truth is a torch that gleams through the fog without dispelling it
- Mine – You gain strength when you stop and look fear in the face
Who says He can’t speak through ancient Chinese wisdom? He is the LORD Almighty – He can do whatever He pleases, and praise Him for it!
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