denial

I find myself in a season of quiet waiting. I don’t know how long this season is going to last, but it’s different than anything He has brought me to or through before.

It’s characterized mainly by denial. Denial of self indulgences, of opportunities, of possessions, of possibilities… all vague, I know, but some things are between Him and me.

It’s odd, because this season is also characterized by extreme indulgence – mainly in time with Him. I’ve taken a lot of time off work, or gone into work late, or worked from home; I’ve even taken naps in the middle of the day, with Him.

I think this peace, this trust, this quietness comes from obedience. He told me something 2 years ago, and as that time draws to a close, I have made a heart and mind decision to not question Him, to just take Him at His word and to trust. I knew, when I made this decision - and it was deliberate, I assure you - that I would be tested.

So far, the testing has been easy to spot and navigate around. Some things are more subtle, and require more focus on Him to stay the course, but I’ve managed to walk pretty steadily up to this point, quietly trusting.

I’ve read Scripture that tells us to deny self, to take up our crosses and follow Him. That always sounds so Jesus-freak-ish to me, in the sense of real world application. Or worse, it sounds SO sacrificial. Now that I think about it, I’ve had a season or 3 like that already, and they’ve been incredibly painful experiences. That’s not what this season is about.

This season is about holding Him to His promises. It’s about trusting Him enough to tell myself NO – which, believe me – that’s a big deal. Up to this point in my life, if I wanted something badly enough, I would find a way to get it. Period. Now, I think I’ve finally learned to wait for Him to provide, rather than for me to go get.

I don’t think I can adequately convey what a BIG DEAL this really is. I know this post is not written with the same passion or intensity as usually typifies my writing. My spirit is quiet, and so this post is quiet. My pastor told me a few years ago that He always answers – yes, no or wait. The question is not about what He wants us to learn during the wait. It’s about Him asking us, “Do you trust Me?”

In learning to say “Yes” to Him and "No" to me, I’ve found that I’ve learned how to wait.

temptation

I want to tell you a story. It’s not really mine to tell, but the Lord showed me something through it, so I think it’s ok… besides, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

My friend, Christian, has a dog. More accurately, a juvenile Australian Sheppard mix – big as a dog, but still ALL puppy. Her name is Ebenezer, and she’s beautiful. Not in show dog standards, but if you can measure beauty by exuberance and unconditional love, such as dogs have, well, then, she is quite the beauty queen - cow lick down her back and all…

Now, Ebenezer has a problem with temptation and self-control. Her owners, being the intelligent men that they are, barricaded her from the Christmas tree, knowing that if she went anywhere near it, she would not be able to contain herself. As these things are want to happen, said barricade did not hold, and alas, all the presents were ripped open in sheer ecstasy and delight, and Ebenezer spent the night throwing up one of the gifts she had eaten.

I’m laughing now as I write, and I was chuckling about it yesterday when the Lord showed me something.

How like us to do the same thing, metaphorically speaking, of course (…I hope…)? His Word promises us that we can OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUER the strongholds in our lives – the temptations and the sin that keep us from living fully in the heart of God. I’m talking about real issues – lust (gasp), rage, pride, self-hatred, old pre-Jesus ways of living life and protecting ourselves… fill in your blank. How often do we barricade ourselves, thinking we are safe from something we KNOW we struggle with, only to climb right over that barricade and get into all sorts of trouble?

You may not have noticed, but I intentionally left out something that God’s Word tells us in that promise. More correctly, His Word tells us that THROUGH HIM we can overwhelmingly conquer all things. What would happen, do you suppose, if we stopped trying to protect ourselves, and allowed Him to do it for us? What would happen if we turned to Him and stood firm (or held on for dear life), trusting Him to be our Conqueror, as He promises?

Spirit Rising

As I learn and grow as a Christian, particularly as an intercessor, He is showing me things all the time – almost at a rate that doesn’t allow for full processing before something else happens. I find that I need to write the thoughts circling in my head so I don’t lose them. I’m not even sure where this post is going, but let’s see where He leads me…

One way that I learn about something is to read everything that I can about it. I have several books on intercession that I’ve been reading through. One was given to me by a very dear friend – a “Spirit” friend is the best way to describe her. She and I have not had much time to spend together over the past several years, but we are deeply linked, none-the-less. Her name is Meg, and I don’t know that I’ve ever articulated to her how clearly I see Him in her, or how much He leads me through her. No pedestal here – she is human and fallible, as we all are. She will let me down, the same as I will let her down, but there is no doubt that we will always come back together, regardless of time or distance, because He is the Center and the Root of this friendship. I could go on and on about her, but that’s not what He wants from this post… and she would be mortified, and probably already is…

The very first time I went to Meg’s apartment, we hardly knew each other. It was an incredible night of discovery and encouragement, sharpening and love. Talk about divine appointments… as I was leaving after several hours of non-stop talking, Meg handed me a book. To be quite candid, I didn’t have a clue back then how clearly she hears the voice of her Shepard; how immediately obedient she is, and how much her heart looks like His… but I digress again…

Meg handed me a book called, “The Ministry of Intercession,” by Andrew Murray. I didn’t have a clue what intercession is, or why she would give me this book, written with words like “importunity” that I have to look up before I can keep reading… It’s a difficult read, at best, and this said by a person who has read literally thousands of books. It’s been on my nightstand since then. Every now and then, I would pick it up and try to read it, only to put it down again. I just could not understand why she had given it to me. I just knew that she gave it to me for a reason, and that it would make sense one day.

What an understatement! Why do we ever doubt that He knows what He’s doing??? How she knew, way back then, what He would develop in me, what role He had planned for me – can only be attributed to God. She told me that night that there would be a place within the Ring that only I could fill – that if I was truly where He wanted me to be, this need within the ministry would develop that He would equip me to meet. HUGE CAVEAT – I am in NO WAY saying that I am the only intercessor within the Ring – I’m not even the most effective. I have so much to learn – which brings me to the original thought for this post.

There are many ways He’s shown me how to intercede for others. Different types of prayer, different ways of walking with someone, sharing and, at times, carrying their burdens when they are too heavy. By far the coolest way He has allowed me to intercede for someone is what I’ve come to call “Spirit Rising.” It’s only happened a few times, and it’s incredible.

I can only describe it as a rising – a rushing – a filling – a roaring – of His Holy Spirit deep within me, and I know His power has been unleashed in the spiritual realm and there is some serious battle going on. I can’t see it, there is nothing to go on except for what I feel let loose – it’s Him through me in an awesome rising up of His Spirit. During those times, in those situations, I am walking in His full authority over a situation, and it’s incredibly powerful. That’s probably why He has only allowed it to happen a few times, so far.

I must keep my heart ever humble before HIM, or this could be easily taken away, or worse, abused. I don’t know if you’ve ever walked through something, knowing that He has been unleashed, that you are walking in the full authority of Jesus Christ – but it’s amazing.

Man, he’s pissed!

As we get closer and closer to the launch of the Ring Community Church, the spiritual activity is, of course, heating up. WAY UP. This is just one story – there are many more…

I’ve been battling the same lies that he always tells me – you’re too old, you don’t belong, you’re ineffective, you’re unapproachable… all crap, but they hurt all the same. Praise God that I know them for what they are – attempts by a pissed off enemy to render his foes ineffective. Praise God that I can recognize that and dismiss them as lies.

I’ve been battling in other areas of my life as well – mostly relational stuff that hurts, too. It seems that this particular method of attack is a common one in the ministry right now, but it’s effective only so long as we focus on the lies and ourselves. Pretty intense stuff, but again, I know what it is, and therefore how to fight it. I believe most of us know this is spiritual attack – if you are involved in the Ring and are experiencing this kind of crap in your life – know what it is, and know that you are covered – by people within the Ring ministry that are fighting for you, and by The Intercessor Himself. Fight the lies and trust the Truth.

But today… man, oh, man. Does he fight dirty when he’s pissed!!!

I stayed home today – I sensed a pressing need to stay home with my Lord, to pray, to work through some of these lies and find my way through the murk back to Life. I was struggling this morning, really having a hard time praying, same as I have for the past several weeks or so. I finally went to take a nap, praying for Him to reveal Himself to me, praying for Him to speak to me or to give me a vision – to give me something to go on.

I’m still shaking my head in amazement. The enemy of God really is so audacious, and he certainly does not pull any punches.

It took me awhile to go to sleep – I just lay there, praying and singing, waiting for Him to show me what I need to see. When I finally slept, I had the most vivid dream, and it was most assuredly NOT from Him, although He allowed it. That will make sense in a minute.

I had a very vivid and profane dream. I will not go into detail, but suffice it to say that it shocked me. In that place between dreaming and consciousness, as I was realizing what I was dreaming about and understanding that it was an attack, I was brought fully awake by an audible, “F*** you.” In my bedroom! In my home! How dare he come into this place?

I knew that I would have to get angry – really angry – before I would be able to fight with any effectiveness. Well, I’m angry. No, I’m pissed. That particular little demon was bound and sent straight to HIS throne for judgment. By HIS divine nature that exists within me, by HIS authority given to me as a child of the Most High, by all the power of Heaven – by HIM and Him alone – it’s ON. Bring it.

Worthy???

Here’s a random thought that’s been running around in my mind for quite a while now. Maybe you guys can shed some light for me…

Many of the worship songs we know and love proclaim His worth. Here’s my question:

Who are we, the created, to determine the worth of the Creator?

It boggles my mind.