2.27.2013

running

before i even begin to write, let me just rejoice for a moment that i finally have moved past the writer's block that struck just after i wrote the last post. REJOICE REJOICE REJOICE!

ok, now that the jig-dancing has slowed to a deep humming in my spirit...

through a series of crazy events over the past 2 days, i learned something new. something incredibly freeing. and something very cool.

i've lived outside of christian community for over a year now. until 2 weeks ago, exactly.  that's when i finally took the plunge back into community group. i'd re-entered the world of church attendance, but living in community happens outside of sunday night. and we can't do this life alone. we're not created to live this life alone.

so i found myself (and my sister!!!) sitting in a house full of people last night. because it is just that easy. and that hard. just step back in. so much grace in that. seriously.

and then i found myself pretty much kicked off the couch to pray for a girl who shared during group. in my not-so-distant world, praying for others was my norm. not so much these days. until last night.

so there i was, praying - with voice quivering, i don't mind admitting - over and for this beautiful young daughter of the King who needed Truth to overwhelm her and to re-center her. as the other women in the room continued to pray, i felt my spirit "bow up" as it were, in a posture of defiance and defense that i have not been in in quite a long time. over a year, at least. for someone who has spent the majority of the past 10 years actively developing and using the gift of intercession, not praying is just not natural... so to feel that familiar bowing up, to sense clearly danger and re-direction, to pray only what the Spirit led me to say and nothing more... well, that was like coming home.

slight digression at this juncture - i was stirred up last sunday night at church, too. it was my first sunday in over a year and a half where i wasn't late and could actually take part in the entire service. the very first song we sang was "sing to the King" and that song just riles me up. it stirs something very primal in me, and my hands flew up and stayed up. i was singing/shouting as loud as i could and didn't even care when my voice cut out when i couldn't hit a note. when the song ended, jess turned around and told me, "it just feels like everything is right with the world when you're back there singing." or something to that effect. which is kinda fun because i was praying as i was singing... for her. Jesus!

fast-forward to today. i made a coffee date with the girl we prayed over last night. intentionality is so vital, and i know that i am supposed to keep up with her. so we met and talked and shared and basically got to know one another... and get this - because she wanted someone "who has lived more life" to come alongside her. and Jesus wants me to be a part of her story? so incredibly humbling and amazing who He chooses to use, and in His timing, too. anyway, on to the point of this post - while we were talking, i ran smack dab into this new realization:

when i was learning to run (literally, feet pounding the pavement running), the first 30 runs or so is more about experiencing all the different aches, pains, cramps, stitches, foot placement, pacing, etc etc etc. and then one day, you experience something AGAIN, and instead of it being new and foreign and something to categorize and understand, it becomes something familiar, something known... something that i can say, "oh, i know what that is. keep going." 

who can guess that there is a parallel coming?

any of you who have read this blog over the years knows that i have struggled for such a long time with the idea of stagnation. of never learning ENOUGH to move on. of finding myself in the same place, again and again and again. ad nauseum.

but what He showed me this afternoon was this - coming to a place i recognize is not failure. it's not here we go again. it can be an opportunity to revisit something, if Jesus says so. but isn't that the point? i know this place. i recognize it. i can ask Jesus if there's something He wants me to revisit here, and if He says no, then KEEP GOING. 

so simple. so beautiful. so much freedom. so like Jesus.