I find myself in a season of quiet waiting. I don’t know how long this season is going to last, but it’s different than anything He has brought me to or through before.
It’s characterized mainly by denial. Denial of self indulgences, of opportunities, of possessions, of possibilities… all vague, I know, but some things are between Him and me.
It’s odd, because this season is also characterized by extreme indulgence – mainly in time with Him. I’ve taken a lot of time off work, or gone into work late, or worked from home; I’ve even taken naps in the middle of the day, with Him.
I think this peace, this trust, this quietness comes from obedience. He told me something 2 years ago, and as that time draws to a close, I have made a heart and mind decision to not question Him, to just take Him at His word and to trust. I knew, when I made this decision - and it was deliberate, I assure you - that I would be tested.
So far, the testing has been easy to spot and navigate around. Some things are more subtle, and require more focus on Him to stay the course, but I’ve managed to walk pretty steadily up to this point, quietly trusting.
I’ve read Scripture that tells us to deny self, to take up our crosses and follow Him. That always sounds so Jesus-freak-ish to me, in the sense of real world application. Or worse, it sounds SO sacrificial. Now that I think about it, I’ve had a season or 3 like that already, and they’ve been incredibly painful experiences. That’s not what this season is about.
This season is about holding Him to His promises. It’s about trusting Him enough to tell myself NO – which, believe me – that’s a big deal. Up to this point in my life, if I wanted something badly enough, I would find a way to get it. Period. Now, I think I’ve finally learned to wait for Him to provide, rather than for me to go get.
I don’t think I can adequately convey what a BIG DEAL this really is. I know this post is not written with the same passion or intensity as usually typifies my writing. My spirit is quiet, and so this post is quiet. My pastor told me a few years ago that He always answers – yes, no or wait. The question is not about what He wants us to learn during the wait. It’s about Him asking us, “Do you trust Me?”
In learning to say “Yes” to Him and "No" to me, I’ve found that I’ve learned how to wait.
3 comments:
Learning how to wait is a tough lesson and at times it has to be learned over again when our circumstances change. Hang on sister, God always has in mind what is best for us. ec
Anonymous said...
This comment is actually for Ann, but she doesn't accept anonymous comments. Sorry, please pass it on to her. Colleen's Mom - see Live A Life Worthy (Colleen's blog)
"Wait on the Lord." {#Ps 27:14}
It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures which a Christian soldier learns not without years of teaching. Marching and quick marching are much easier to God’s warriors than standing still. There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desirous to serve the Lord, knows not what part to take. Then what shall it do? Vex itself by despair? Fly back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption? No, but simply wait. Wait in prayer, however. Call upon God, and spread the case before him; tell him your difficulty, and plead his promise of aid. In dilemmas between one duty and another, it is sweet to be humble as a child, and wait with simplicity of soul upon the Lord. It is sure to be well with us when we feel and know our own folly, and are heartily willing to be guided by the will of God. But wait in faith. Express your unstaggering confidence in him; for unfaithful, untrusting waiting, is but an insult to the Lord. Believe that if he keep you tarrying even till midnight, yet he will come at the right time; the vision shall come and shall not tarry. Wait in quiet patience, not rebelling because you are under the affliction, but blessing your God for it. Never murmur against the second cause, as the children of Israel did against Moses; never wish you could go back to the world again, but accept the case as it is, and put it as it stands, simply and with your whole heart, without any self-will, into the hand of your covenant God, saying, "Now, Lord, not my will, but thine be done. I know not what to do; I am brought to extremities, but I will wait until thou shalt cleave the floods, or drive back my foes. I will wait, if thou keep me many a day, for my heart is fixed upon thee alone, O God, and my spirit waiteth for thee in the full conviction that thou wilt yet be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower."
This is a great message on waiting by Charles Spurgeon.
Colleen's Mom - wow. thank you.
what is expressed here touches exactly the heart of the wait, and the wait of my heart... these words of wisdom and experience are a Godsend, truly, and they will go a long way to calming me over the next few months. He used you in ways you will not know until Eternity - all i can say is thank you, deeply.
ec - that's what this wait is about - HIS absolute best for me and settling for nothing less.
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