day 11 - intrigued

i am overwhelmed... my community has responded to the 5 minutes i would actually let them into me, and the recognition that i am blessed saturates my soul. i've cried more in the past week than i have in years, and more today than i care to admit... some in pain, some in laughter, some in joy - tears abound and i am undone:

No apologies
For who I'm meant to be
The only thing that matters is
I am free
When I am overwhelmed
Holding pieces of my heart
When I feel my world
Start to fall apart
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become
Undone
Even in defeat
The face of tragedy
Still you'd have to say that
I found victory
In brokenness comes beauty
Divine fragility
Reminding me of nail scarred hands
Reaching out for me
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become

-undone - mercy me

i still cannot hear Him. how cheesy would it sound to say that my soul longs to hear His voice? well. it does. i feel like david. i am aching for Him, and i don't know what else to do but praise His name and wait:

Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing
Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me

-keep singing - mercy me

i'm a lyrics person. music overwhelms me and i am lost. bryan ministered to my heart today by pointing me to these songs - i guess chris tomlin has been in the cd player long enough... he didn't last as long as third day, but i digress...

these songs are more than lyrics - they are prayers. they are declarations of love to the Lover of our souls. these words describe exactly how i felt this morning - i wanted to walk out and head for key west. there seems to be a lure of freedom in just walking away. as tempting as that is, i am more intrigued by what He's up to than running away from it. i've run my whole life. that's the easy way out - but not anymore. Galatians 5:1 says that it is for freedom that Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not burden yourselves again with a yoke of slavery. there is freedom in Christ - not in running. so i'm sticking.

i am fully His, made by Him and for His glory. whining my way through this is not glorifying Him, nor is it accurately representing my faith. so i will not. i will stand. i will praise His name. and i will wait.

of course, this ties beautifully with today's Scripture (at least in my mind): Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23 - 1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear."... 18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

my community, my faith, my leadership, my Lord - the seed has fallen in fertile soil. it has taken root in the deep places of my heart. i will stand.

praise You, Jesus.