celebrate

in my family, over the past 20 or so years, there's been a slow erosion of life, like a deep gasping moan of someone struggling for the very breath of life. it's an erosion so insidious that it's presence was barely perceptible, but this weekend, it's been exposed for the theft that it is... the Bible says that the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. i get that. or at least i have a pretty good understanding that we have an enemy, that he hates us, and that he will seize every opportunity to destroy life, any movement toward God and away from death. i don't think i had a full grasp of the "theft" part of that verse; it came to glaring light over this weekend.

apathy is a terrible thing. the results of apathy are equally as terrible. within families, when someone (or everyone) just lets things slide, something precious is lost. many precious things are lost: tradition, celebration, affirmation, acknowledgement, encouragement... the bindings of family are LOST. 

it started with birthdays in my family. when dad was lost at sea, i reported him missing on mom's birthday. the next birthday was his, and there was no celebrating that. then my sister's, and then mine, and then the kids, and all of a sudden, birthdays just didn't matter anymore. at first, it was a product of grief. but over the years it became a slow, malingering decline of the heart that invaded every aspect of who we are as a family.

the next to go were the lesser holidays. valentine's, carnival, memorial day, independence day, labor day, halloween, even the arrival of autumn... these days became just like any other day on the calendar, with not even a family dinner or phone call or text message. nothing. these holidays, which used to be so full of life and fun have faded into nothingness. such a terrible loss.

and then came the big ones - christmas and easter. we kinda sorta still make a token effort to celebrate these, well, because that's what christian families do. but even these efforts were nothing more than a home-cooked meal and football or baseball, and then everyone went back to their homes, safe from any more attempts at mustering any joy at these occasions. or connection. or laughter.

tears prick my eyes as i type, as the full weight of understanding what we've lost over the years really sinks into my heart... but this is a tale of joy. as tolkien said, you must go through the darkness to emerge into the light.

the family i am staying with is committed to living intentionally in every aspect of their lives. i can remember even within the history of this blog where i made every effort to do the same. even so, the effort and intentionality was concerned with my own life, not the life of my family. how sad to be so self-involved and so willing to let all that tradition and love and life just slip away. not that it was my job, per se, to rally the troops for every occasion under the sun, but in my quest for life and love, i left something very precious behind. i let the traditions fade into memory. i allowed that to happen. so did the other members of my family. we are apathetic, and it destroyed much of what binds a family together.

back to the present tale: my birthday was a couple of days ago, and MUCH to my chagrin, heather insisted on celebrating. to me, this meant an obligatory cake and maybe a dinner. oh no, friends. not heather. she whisked me out of the house for coffee and conversation over breakfast at a little coffee house within walking distance in this little town nestled in the rocky mountains. from there, we walked to a beautiful little shop run by a sweet lady who sells stuff made by women who have been rescued from sex trafficking. after much laughter and rejoicing for these women's rescue, we walked back to the house and heather made me lunch. when questioned about what i wanted for dinner, i hemmed and hawed, not wanting to put her to any more trouble. pressed for an answer, i finally said, "IF i were at home, and IF you were my mom, i MIGHT ask you to make homemade fried chicken. or pasta. but you're NOT my mom and i don't want to be any trouble, so just make dinner for your family and i will enjoy that with you. that's more than enough for me." what a pathetic answer, and heather was having none of it. she let me demur, and said nothing. eventually, she went out with the kids and i was left alone to nap in the sunshine, take a warm bath, and move on into my bedroom for a real nap. i woke up in time to take a few calls from friends, and then (tried) to attend a family meeting at my church via speaker phone. it was an epic fail, but just hearing the distorted voices and laughter of so many people i love in one room, even over a terrible phone connection, was so good for my soul. when i emerged from my room, i walked straight into - you guessed it, the smell of fried chicken. AND goat cheese pasta. seriously?

but does the tale stop here? hardly. next up was heather's traditional birthday cake, made in my honor - a poppy seed cake, which was delicious. but that's not all. she has 3 wonderful kids, and they, one by one, presented me with hand-drawn cards and gifts. first was chocolate from the 6-year old boy (i am understating this - it was ghirardelli dark and sea salt caramel squares). next was lip balm and gum from the 9-year old girl, which made me laugh. and then i was presented with a hand-written card from the oldest boy, who is 10. he gave me a $10 bill to buy the worship cd that goes along with the book, becoming myself. such specificity and thoughtful selflessness from one so young... to which the youngest boy immediately ran to his wallet and presented me with $5 more to add to the offering. under much duress and after much protestation, i finally accepted (sorta) gracefully. and then it was heather's turn. she gave me a sweet card and a framed picture of us from the weekend we met, last march when we served together on the work crew at a captivating retreat here in colorado. reminders of life and love and joy. as if all this weren't enough to make my heart burst, the joy of the day was punctuated by texts and calls all day from friends and loved ones who wanted to make sure that i knew i was loved and missed. i even got a text from my mom, which is funny and sad - ironic - all at the same time. i went to bed with my heart just aching, bittersweet as these thoughts i am now typing were forming, and feeling well-loved, all at the same time.

and the tale does not stop there. the next day was spent much like the day before, with much intentionality and prayer and STEAK. and GIRLS NIGHT. ezra, heather's husband, grilled us steak, and then he and jake (another of the amazing husbands here) gathered all the kids - 8 in total, i believe - sent us to stacey's house for a girls night to celebrate all the february birthdays. 7 of us settled in over lemon drops and sangria, and had a spectacular night of laughter and deep connection, love and joy - a true celebration of life, and all that Jesus is doing in our lives. there might have even been a bit of 4-wheeling up the driveway, which happened to be uphill covered in show and ice...

and the tale does not stop there. today, we continued with the napping and the baking and the celebrating. my room is filled with flowers - roses, hyacinth, lilies, and a tiny cactus. i went running, and the mountains were covered in a frozen fog, even as i ran in 45 degrees, the wind whipping me breathless as i conquered the hills. i felt so alive my blood was positively zinging through my veins!

and so i sit here tonight, having retired to my room early, to give heather and ezra some time to themselves. i am equal parts sad, joyous, and deeply convicted of what i've allowed the enemy to steal from my family. to give up, to lose hope, is to lose EVERYTHING that makes a family thrive and bind together. ahhh... there are so many thoughts stirring, so many rabbits i could chase on losing hope, letting tradition die... but those are thoughts for another night. this night, i am loved. i am renewed. i am full of wonder and hope and joy.

tonight, on this birthday night of my church, my fervent prayer is that we, as a church family, never lose hope, never let go of meaningful tradition, never stop reveling in what the Lord is doing in our lives, never stop living with intentionality and love and joy... that we would never stop celebrating the faithfulness of our God, His lavish and extravagant love, His boundless grace, and His relentless pursuit of redemption, restoration, trust and love. He won't have it any other way - He insists we rejoice and be glad!

i think He may be onto something...

happy birthday to everyone who calls the ring community church family. you are much loved.