an open letter to anyone who knows anything about the travis aaron wade debacle

ok. i think it's time for someone unbiased to speak up. in the absence of that, i will speak up. i have not formed an opinion, so i'm not on anyone's "side." i'm just tired of seeing this whole train wreck go unanswered by someone without a dog in this fight, so i will be that someone, because i have a voice too… and it needs to be heard.

first things first: i was a victim of rape. multiple times. i use the word "was" because i choose not to be a victim anymore. what was done TO me does not and never will define who i am or who i am becoming. i disclose this very personal information simply to say that i am not without empathy for anyone involved. and yes, i realize that rape is NOT the allegation here, and there is NO INTENTION to suggest that it is. it's brought up merely to establish empathetic credibility for those coming forward with allegations of inappropriate behavior by TAW.

i've been watching this unfold for a while now, and what strikes me very deeply is the naïveté of some of the people involved. it is unfathomable to me that anyone can live in a world of digital access to almost everyone on the planet and still not to know the following:

~ giving your phone number to ANYONE you don't personally know is at best UNSAFE. you also have the ability to BLOCK anyone who calls you, should you make a decision to give out your personal information and decide later that it was an unwise one. and while on the subject of phones, most have a screen capture ability. on an iPhone, press the home and power button at the same time to capture a SCREENSHOT. android peeps, look it up. it's useful technology. use the tools available to you. and one more thought - phone calls can be RECORDED. by both sides. tread carefully here, all of you.

{*EDIT #1: regarding DM's - a reader has pointed out that some applications allow you to receive DM's from anyone. this is exceptionally good news, because it offers yet another layer of protection against harassment on twitter. depending on what app you use to access twitter, it may look differently, but you have the ability to change this setting at any time.}

~ you cannot receive DM's on twitter from just anyone.* you HAVE to actually *follow each other* to DM. how this has escaped notice is beyond my comprehension. here is an example of an account i follow that follows me back:

and here is an example of an account i follow that does not follow me back:

~ you have the ability to UNFOLLOW, BLOCK, and REPORT ANYONE you want to in the twittersphere AND just about every other social media platform out there. use that ability. 

~ ridiculing people for speaking up for what or who they believe in is shameful and YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER. if you didn't know that, now you do. that goes to EVERYONE who does have a dog on either side of this fight.

~ trying to ruin someone's life and livelihood is a big deal. a VERY BIG DEAL. proceed with caution and much deliberation. 

~in the same vein, acting inappropriately, especially in a sexually suggestive manner toward any unwilling recipient, is a big deal. a VERY BIG DEAL. this type of behavior is inexcusable and IF APPLICABLE, you should cease and desist IMMEDIATELY. 

~ we have professionals trained to handle allegations like this. they are law enforcement officers trained as detectives, and they are employed by YOU and their salaries are paid for by YOUR taxes. it's THEIR JOB to find the truth and act within the law to ensure that JUSTICE prevails. up to this point, there has been no legal action against TAW regarding any of this that i am aware of. again, i'm NOT calling anyone liars here. i'm just pointing out that there is a RIGHT WAY to handle this. it's been handled incorrectly long enough.

it seems to me, based on what i've read about this entire situation, that there has been a decided lack of wisdom displayed by many involved, even marginally so, on both sides. worse, i see people living in what they call "fear." "fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil." ~aristotle fact: living in fear is a CHOICE. choose NOT to live there. it's a sucky place to dwell.

to the ones speaking out against TAW: you have a voice. you're using it. make sure you use it for good. 

to the defenders of the ones speaking against TAW: you also have a voice. make sure you use it for good. 

to the defenders of TAW: you also have a voice. make sure you use it for good. 

to those who can't or won't speak up: you also have a voice. silence is a viable option, and sometimes a very good one. 

to my SPN family: we are better than this. we are better as one. family don't end with blood, and this will not either. we are the ones who believe whole-heartedly that we must #alwayskeepfighting and that #youarenotalone, we are the #waywarddaughters and we should not be trying to shame each other, nor should we be afraid to speak up on either side of this. we are family. period. (disclaimer: the use of the hashtags in this paragraph IN NO WAY suggests or even hints that anyone connected with these campaigns shares my thoughts. they are brought up to remind us of the reality in which we dwell.)

to anyone ready to burn TAW at the stake: i encourage you to re-read this and use your mind and your reason to make your decision, not your emotions. they ARE NOT the same things. i'm not saying you are right, nor am i saying you're wrong. there is not a hint of disbelief here. HEAR ME ON THIS: I AM NOT CALLING ANYONE LIARS. i'm merely urging cautious deliberation before action, and encouraging you to involve the ones who can really help you - the authorities.

to everyone ready to burn me at the stake: i've been subject to the wrong end of the gun in a situation where someone decided they wanted to ruin me, both personally and professionally, so my voice and my experience lead me to this unfortunate moral position: to open my digital mouth to speak up. i have already lost people i consider friends to this particular situation. i know this letter to will cost me more.

at the end of the day, i have to look in the mirror and be able to live with my choices. i choose to speak into a situation to offer perspective and reason. if i've failed in that quest, then i have to live with that, too... and I'm ok with that. i've used my voice for good, and that's what i'm urging EACH ONE OF US to do.

i choose to live a life of peace and hope, not fear, anger, and vengeance. i hope you choose the same and move forward accordingly... wherever that choice brings you. grace and peace to you all.

you are loved. 

ag

ps - to those who choose to agree with me, please DO NOT try to drag me into this fight. you will not succeed. if you do happen to agree with me, the best thing you can do is RT and/or share. i also have the ability to unfollow and block, and i use them on a regular basis.

pps - feel free to comment below. know beforehand that any hate directed toward anyone will be deleted as soon as i see it. i've even enabled the ability to comment anonymously, given the very delicate nature of this situation. i've also unlocked this account so that anyone can read and comment.

ppps - i have not written in 2 years, so if i have not addressed something that's important to you, by all means, let's discuss it. as adults. respectfully. refer to my first post-script for reminder/reference.

pppps - you are loved.