maybe it's not that others believe differently but rather that other people i KNOW, LOVE, and RESPECT believe so very differently on a very fundamental level about who we are as humans, as friends, as christians, as americans, as global citizens… and how this DISSONANCE affects all of these aspects of our personal and national CHARACTER.
here are some of the thoughts i've been struggling with, in no particular order. feel free to comment - my purpose here is to allow my thoughts to become more coherent, thus more articulate, thus more relevant. remember, though, that this is a space for honest reflection and as such, i will guard it diligently against any form of hatred, bullying, or spite. and remember, i do this as much out of love for you as i do for the other commenters who are looking for a safe place to wander through this new world in which we find ourselves. you are loved.
division - i may have only spent 43 years on this earth, but i cannot recall a time when our country has been so divided. the most recent i can call to mind is the civil rights movement in the 1960's, but i wasn't around for that. over the past year, the past week, and especially the past five days, i've borne witness to such radically opposing views that families, friends, communities, political parties, and global allies have been strained to the breaking point and/or beyond. how can we "make america great again"* when there exists so much division that there are nightly protests AFTER the election is over? as an american, i'm so ashamed.
*i ABHOR this slogan, statement, thought. i use it here only emphatically.
fear - i have people in my life whom i love, respect, admire, and even revere who are living in fear in the aftermath of this week. the message, as far as i can discern, is that they feel unloved, unaccepted, disrespected, abhorred, and abandoned. these people cross all genders, sexual identities, races, religions, nationalities, worldview, lifestyles, education, and life experience. I LOVE THESE PEOPLE… and we now find ourselves living in a country who, quite frankly, has said that she doesn't give a COLLECTIVE SHIT about how some of our citizens' lives have quite literally turned on a dime… or a vote, as it were. we have allowed a climate of fear to permeate our country. since when are we ok with this? as an american, i'm so ashamed.
rationalization - i have a remarkable number - perhaps even disproportionally so - of friends who are HIGHLY educated and/or successful in their careers. i RESPECT their opinions and contributions to the conversation… until contribution becomes rhetoric. and then i begin to wonder who they are trying to convince - me or themselves? the die is cast - why are they still arguing their point? as an american, i'm so ashamed.
faith - this one hits a very tender part of my heart. i consider myself a faithful person. i even go so far as to claim the name christian. but it has become apparent to me that my personal theology is quite different from people with whom i have worshipped, served, cried, rejoiced, and lived A LOT of life alongside. at the core, i believe my heart is pointed toward love. and i believe that these people would say the same thing about themselves. but this cannot be, as the way we show God's love to the world is diametrically opposed. i cannot get my heart around this thought. and it has shaken me to the core. as an american, i'm so ashamed.
national identity - remember when the cubbies won the world series? can you believe that was only LAST WEEK? remember when your social media feeds and televisions were bursting with images of unity, celebration - hope? how can that be so fleeting? so tenuous? even something as catastrophic as 9/11 unified us as a country for a finite amount of time, and then something else happened, and off we were again, infighting about something. why? are our memories so short and fallible? one of my favorite lines in all of tv history is, "short memories. that is the impression i have of you as a people," said by a terrorist to a federal agent (NCIS, truth or consequences, S07E01). as an american, i'm so ashamed.
dignity - so many rabbits to chase here, but the one i've been chasing the most is trying to wrap my mind around this man's picture going up on the wall in THE white house, alongside washington, lincoln, kennedy, roosevelt… etc etc, et al. HOW CAN THIS BE REAL? how? why? how? as an american, i'm so ashamed.
i spoke to a friend yesterday. i have not actually laid eyes on this person since 2008, but i still hold them in the HIGHEST regard. some friendships, if we are very lucky, are forged in love and fire so that they thrive without the benefit of proximal geography. this person also happens to be one of the most influential people in my life, and i'm honored and humbled to call them friend. and this friend is scared. because they are gay. and getting married. this fiercely loving, smart as all hell, funny, gregarious, carpe diem friend is, for the first time in memory, AFRAID to be themselves in today's america. as an american, i'm so ashamed.
permission - i think this man won IN PART because he allowed himself to voice the unspoken, likely deeply repressed, deepest, darkest, most base aspect of humanity: he allows hate to be openly expressed. and in return, an enormous amount of people breathed a huge, collective sigh of relief and allowed their hate to surface, too. bigotry, racism, religious persecution, intolerance. as an american, i'm so ashamed.
might - americans, in general, are proud of our military might. we are certainly proud of our military friends and families, of everyone who puts on the uniform and steps up to protect our rights… even the right to vote. i PROUDLY stand in the midst of these thankful americans. where my heart skips SEVERAL beats is at the thought of putting our soldiers - our sons and daughters - at unnecessary risk because we value the world's perception of us as the mightiest military the wold has ever known. the world USED to think that about us, and the events (mostly terrorist attacks, i think) of the past few decades have seeped into our collective consciousness and we've realized that the perception has degraded over time. in response, we want to be feared again. well… if we desire to be feared, is that not because we fear? and what about nukes and torture and alienating our allies? how can we put these things back on the table and NOT expect our soldiers (and our citizens around the world) to be treated with the same tactics? are we so naive as to believe that once we openly allow torture (sorry - is that not the correct term? is it now "enhanced interrogation"?) and nuclear "re-armament" to be part of our arsenal that those SAME tools won't be used AGAINST us? as an american, i am so ashamed.
regression - we have fought valiantly to become a people who value progress, acceptance, and the continuous journey toward knowledge above just about all else. we say we value family, freedom, and the pursuit of liberty. really? is this really what we value? sadly, i think the results of this election prove just the opposite. we have allowed centuries of forging our identity as THE GLOBAL IDEAL FOR LIFE AND GOVERNMENT to be MUTED. as an american, i'm so ashamed.
unapologetic - my heart is heavy this night. i will not offer meaningless platitudes; nor will i offer apologies for voicing these thoughts. my heart is crushed, and i am surrounded by darkness as the protests continue and the reality of the next four years sinks into my soul. i was going to write, "my God have mercy on us all" as a sarcastic quip to end this post. but, honestly... right now, i think He left america to fend for ourselves a really, really long time ago. He gave us the gift of free will, and we've chosen what that looks like, and how that defines us, at least for the foreseeable future. the Kingdom is not at risk, but we, as a nation, certainly are. as an american, i am so ashamed.
as an american, i'm so ashamed.
{these thoughts are raw and mostly unfiltered. and INCOMPLETE. there's just too much churning inside to get it all out in one post. another great line comes to mind: "with hope. love should end with hope… hope guides me. it is what gets me through the day and especially the night. the hope that after you're gone from my sight it will not be the last time I look upon you,"" (kate, a knight's tale, 2001). i realize that many of you will VEHEMENTLY and perhaps VIOLENTLY disagree with me. i recognize the risk i'm taking by making these very private musings public. i believe it's a discussion worth having and therefore a risk i am WILLING to take. remember… you are loved.}
#america #election #protests #USelection #election2016 #USA
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