i had hoped that, at some point, my life would even out and i would not be forced to make these hard, life-altering decisions as frequently... or at least have someone with whom to make them. alas.
the current dilemma:
i moved to austin in december 2015, full of hope and joy at the new life unfolding before me. it's been hard. there's no denying that. i've moved three times. i lived in an extremely unfortunate roommate situation for over a year. i've left a 20-year career in management. i've been sued. i've been in two car wrecks. i've become self-employed. i have a home of my own for the first time since 2009. i've lost many friends and gained a few more. but most importantly, it's also been glorious, because i've lived life on my terms.
enter texas governor abbott and 26 uber lobbyists. with one swipe of his pen, abbott has knocked me to my knees. he's effectively taken away my livelihood and my ability to support myself. i'm quite literally one paycheck away from losing everything.
enter texas governor abbott and 26 uber lobbyists. with one swipe of his pen, abbott has knocked me to my knees. he's effectively taken away my livelihood and my ability to support myself. i'm quite literally one paycheck away from losing everything.
~ the temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.
i've seen variations of this quote in my feeds and it ALWAYS pisses me off. what an arrogant and thoughtless thing to say to someone who is struggling to make difficult decisions. sometimes, the RIGHT answer, the GOOD answer, the ONLY answer, is to give up. it takes wisdom and discernment to know when a door is closing; to suggest otherwise is false, just as the passive-aggressive nature of this quote is manipulative and unkind. to claim that you possess such prescience is the height of arrogance, and to spout that sentiment to someone who is struggling is cruel.
so today, i find myself five days away from a major decision. do i renew my lease, betting that my income will return? do i put in my intent to vacate and move back to baton rouge? the question is that simple and that complex.
so here i am, standing on the head of a pin. one step in any direction alters my life in ways that i cannot possibly foresee. my christian friends will tell me to step in faith, trusting that jesus will catch me, that he only wants his best for me. my secular friends will wish me luck and wait and watch to see what happens. i find myself somewhere in the middle.
i saw this youtube video on FB a few days ago. i sat on my couch yesterday, laughing and sobbing at the same time. it's said that music is the language of the heart. if this is true, and i believe that it can be, then my heart is longing, languishing, defiantly expecting. at the same time, it's faltering, famished, forlorn. yearning, violently beating in protest and fear. vulnerable, flawed, glorious, hopeful. and that's how decisions should be made, yes? with hope.
so this is me, choosing to live with an open and vulnerable heart, choosing to make decisions, not out of fear, nor anger, nor stark pragmatism. this is me, choosing hope.
#lovewins #keepgoing #choosehope #AKF #YANA
so this is me, choosing to live with an open and vulnerable heart, choosing to make decisions, not out of fear, nor anger, nor stark pragmatism. this is me, choosing hope.
#lovewins #keepgoing #choosehope #AKF #YANA
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