We looked at Ephesians 6 in Sunday School yesterday. I’m stuck on verse 10 – “Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in his mighty power.” I threw out a question to the class, trying to understand the “correct” balance of importunity and humility, and trying to understand what the true goal of intercession is, since satan is a created being, and his attacks are allowed to come against us. There were 2 answers that resonated with me. One was that in no way is us praying to Him going against His divine plan, nor can we screw up His perfect will. The other is that we too often give satan too much credit, and that he comes in and complicates things – whether it’s a thought process, division in a Body, dysfunction in a family – these situations are exacerbated by the ultimate deceiver.
If there is one word I would use to describe myself, it would be “bold”. I have been warned about praying boldly… and I have been told on occasion that I don’t listen very well. I am very bold, and it is going to cause change and growth and strengthening and fear and love and peace and overflowing joy. I adamantly refuse to cower in ungodly fear before Him. I am not afraid of Him – I will not allow it. I may get spooked every now and again - I may tuck my heart away for a few days, taking a time-out - I may cry for mercy, flat on my back – but I will not cower. I refuse to believe the lies of the deceiver that try to say that He is not good, that He is holding out on me, that He has forgotten or is mad at me. Forget that. He is not safe - He is good - but He is not safe at all, and to think so diminishes our ability to percieve Him in any real way.
Yes, my boldness gets me in trouble from time to time, but at least I’m after Him and that in no way displeases Him. Yes, He reins me in from time to time, and that is as it should be. But the Truth is that my strength is not my own – it comes from Him – from His mighty power that exists within me.
The ultimate goal of any Christian is to become like Christ. I know – I readily admit – that I really don’t know what that looks like. I see bits and pieces of Him in my community – smaller parts of the Whole. Satan wants nothing more that to smash that picture into a thousand irrecoverable pieces. He loves to come in and complicate every aspect of our lives – and most of the time, I let him get away with it, at least for a little while. Then the Lord will speak truth to my heart in one way or another, and the complication becomes a milestone in my journey with the Lord.
The Scripture for today is I Corinthians 12:7 – “Now to each one, the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” I take that to mean that I’m to fight for the Body of Christ, trusting Him to protect me Himself, or through someone else. Sometimes, that fight is not for the super-faith healings and it’s not against anything – sometimes, it’s seeing the big picture through His lens and understanding that brokenness is a necessity in our lives as Christians. Sometimes that view is given to another and they are prompted to share. I can promise you this – He is actively pursuing our hearts and the enemy of God is actively trying to complicate things. I believe, intercession, at its core, is praying the will of God – no matter what it looks like.
My pastor made the statement a while back that a gathering of believers should be the most dangerous room in the city. Forget the "bad" parts of town, forget the jails - the Church, functioning as intended - is far more powerful and effective than any enemy we may have. As we journey this road toward Him together, and as we allow Him access to the deep places within, He changes us more into His likeness, He manifests His Spirit in our lives in ways that make absolutely no sense to the world. That's OK. When we, as the Body, reach into the lives of each other and into the lives around us, we show different aspects of His character - even the unpopular, not-so-warm-and-fuzzy dangerous side of Him. I am not challenged by that - I'm encouraged immensely.
1.23.2006
1.22.2006
day 21 - brokenness
I’ve had conversation after conversation this weekend, with all manner of people involved in the Ring, and to the very last one of them – unsolicited - we all have this sense of urgency to pray - to come together physically in prayer. I’ve said that He’s told me to pray without ceasing. He has not stopped.
Can you imagine what that would look like? How glorious that would be? Can you imagine His people coming together, broken before Him, praying this church into existence? Can you imagine the power that could be unleashed if we would just stop, take a time out, and beg Him to reign His Kingdom down as a community of believers? As a Body, we are corporately crying out to the Lord, raising our voices in unison every day to Him. That is such a beautiful snapshot of what a community of believers is supposed to look like. How much more so if we came together physically? "Where two or three are gathered in my name..."
A good friend of mine said that He has shown her to pray for brokenness. He also showed her that the spiritual activity going on is allowed by Him for a reason and we should be thanking Him for the attacks against us, that we should be grateful for the brokenness being brought about by these attacks – some very intense and personal. That is a pretty hard concept to wrap your brain around – and what’s even crazier is that she is definitely not the only one who He has told that to.
I quipped in the last post, thanking Josh for praying for brokenness, because I am at a breaking point. I don’t think it’s the same type of brokenness that they are praying for – I’m at my wits end, not being able to hear anything specific from Him other than an intensifying urgency to pray AS A BODY. Serious, concentrated prayer – a good, old-fashioned prayer meeting is what He is showing me.
Dare I say it? Could it possibly happen? Could we really walk the walk? Here’s my question – What’s to stop us from praying for the next 20 days, together, as a Body? What are 20 days compared to what He could accomplish through us? What are 20 days out of our lives in the grand scheme of things? What are 20 days worth – are they worth us praying into existence a healthy, functioning baby church, such as the Elders have been envisioning for 8 years?
I’m not suggesting that He can’t make that happen without us having a prayer meeting for the next 20 days – He absolutely can. But what an opportunity to be a part of something so much larger than ourselves! What a privilege to be allowed to be a part of unleashing His Spirit all over this church and this Body! We are participating individually in the 30 Days of Prayer, and this is definitely not meant to demean that, or to take away from the power and sincerity of those prayers, but how much more could we be a part of what’s happening if we came together in prayer? Like the apostles, we say we desire to devote ourselves to prayer...
I’ve come to a place where He is demanding more of me, and I don’t know what it is. He wants to communicate with me on a deeper lever, and I am at a loss where to start. One thing I am sure of – He is faithful, and He will show me what He wants. I believe He’s already set that in motion. We’ll see.
The Scripture for today is Philippians 3:12-14 – one of my favorites: “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
It wraps beautifully in with what He has laid so heavily on my heart. Prayer is work. Birthing a church is work. We cannot do it without Him – I would not normally be so bold, but this I am sure of – we do not want to do this without Him. I want to press on – to press into HIM – I want to take hold of what He called us to the Ring, and to HIM, to accomplish. My Spirit is straining toward Him. If that’s the brokenness my friends have been praying for this Body – to be unified in that brokenness - then I’m in.
Lord, let it be so.
Can you imagine what that would look like? How glorious that would be? Can you imagine His people coming together, broken before Him, praying this church into existence? Can you imagine the power that could be unleashed if we would just stop, take a time out, and beg Him to reign His Kingdom down as a community of believers? As a Body, we are corporately crying out to the Lord, raising our voices in unison every day to Him. That is such a beautiful snapshot of what a community of believers is supposed to look like. How much more so if we came together physically? "Where two or three are gathered in my name..."
A good friend of mine said that He has shown her to pray for brokenness. He also showed her that the spiritual activity going on is allowed by Him for a reason and we should be thanking Him for the attacks against us, that we should be grateful for the brokenness being brought about by these attacks – some very intense and personal. That is a pretty hard concept to wrap your brain around – and what’s even crazier is that she is definitely not the only one who He has told that to.
I quipped in the last post, thanking Josh for praying for brokenness, because I am at a breaking point. I don’t think it’s the same type of brokenness that they are praying for – I’m at my wits end, not being able to hear anything specific from Him other than an intensifying urgency to pray AS A BODY. Serious, concentrated prayer – a good, old-fashioned prayer meeting is what He is showing me.
Dare I say it? Could it possibly happen? Could we really walk the walk? Here’s my question – What’s to stop us from praying for the next 20 days, together, as a Body? What are 20 days compared to what He could accomplish through us? What are 20 days out of our lives in the grand scheme of things? What are 20 days worth – are they worth us praying into existence a healthy, functioning baby church, such as the Elders have been envisioning for 8 years?
I’m not suggesting that He can’t make that happen without us having a prayer meeting for the next 20 days – He absolutely can. But what an opportunity to be a part of something so much larger than ourselves! What a privilege to be allowed to be a part of unleashing His Spirit all over this church and this Body! We are participating individually in the 30 Days of Prayer, and this is definitely not meant to demean that, or to take away from the power and sincerity of those prayers, but how much more could we be a part of what’s happening if we came together in prayer? Like the apostles, we say we desire to devote ourselves to prayer...
I’ve come to a place where He is demanding more of me, and I don’t know what it is. He wants to communicate with me on a deeper lever, and I am at a loss where to start. One thing I am sure of – He is faithful, and He will show me what He wants. I believe He’s already set that in motion. We’ll see.
The Scripture for today is Philippians 3:12-14 – one of my favorites: “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
It wraps beautifully in with what He has laid so heavily on my heart. Prayer is work. Birthing a church is work. We cannot do it without Him – I would not normally be so bold, but this I am sure of – we do not want to do this without Him. I want to press on – to press into HIM – I want to take hold of what He called us to the Ring, and to HIM, to accomplish. My Spirit is straining toward Him. If that’s the brokenness my friends have been praying for this Body – to be unified in that brokenness - then I’m in.
Lord, let it be so.
1.21.2006
day 22 - YET i will praise the LORD
I was told somewhere along the way that He never wastes a hurt. It’s cool to see that come to fruition. We serve a very efficient God – He gets a lot of mileage out of our experiences, long after we think we’re past them and have moved on.
I had dinner with a friend of mine tonight. She’s one of those “Spirit” friends – the kind of friendship that is from Him and does not require constant attention or maintenance to continue to grow and strengthen. It’s amazing, actually, when I think about how many of these types of friendships I really have… Anyway, we have not spent any meaningful time together in quite a while. She called me out of the blue last night, needing guidance in a situation she is walking through.
I’ve been in the situation she’s in now, and it is no fun. The cool part about this is that she gets the benefit of my experience to help guide her along the way. It makes having gone through an incredibly painful experience much better knowing He’s getting a lot of mileage out of it, and I got to help my friend, to offer her sound advice and hope and peace that only comes from Him.
There is reciprocity here, as well. I was having a terrible day – too tired from a really crappy week to go hang out with my community, too unsettled to watch TV or read or even pray. I ended up sleeping most of the day. He brought me to mind last night, knowing what this day would be like for me and knowing that my love for her would pull me out of my self-indulgent pout back into Life.
I seem to be sliding off the mountaintop, through the valley and headed straight for the desert. We sing a song in church - “from the mountain, to the valley, may our praises rise to You…” I used to envision the world at creation when singing that song, similar to C.S. Lewis’ The Magician’s Nephew, when Aslan is singing the world into existence. It spoke to me of the vastness of His love and His people singing His praises throughout the earth. Now, I hear new meaning in that song. It speaks to me of Spiritual mountains and valleys, ala David in the Psalms. His emotions were all over the place – one psalm he’s praising the Lord with all he has in him, and the next he’s seemingly about to keel over in his intense agony and need for the Lord. I understand David more now than I ever have. I should have expected to crash and burn – it happens to the best of us after an intense encounter with the Lord. There’s no way to maintain that kind of high for long.
Today’s Scripture is Psalm 63 – quoted, coincidentally, a few posts back (day 25 – contrition – how cool is that?). Today is meant to be a day of reflection and gratitude. I just wasn’t feeling it – readily admitting that faith and my love for the Lord is not based on feelings. I need Him to let up or call the enemy off – whichever it is – I’m at a breaking point. Thanks, Josh, for praying for brokenness last Sunday at the Ring…
I know times of brokenness are inevitable; that they are incredibly fruitful times. It’s also very easy to forget how much it sucks to be here. So this day is about standing firm (even when I am flat on my back, Spiritually speaking) – a day where I will say, “And YET I will praise the LORD.”
I had dinner with a friend of mine tonight. She’s one of those “Spirit” friends – the kind of friendship that is from Him and does not require constant attention or maintenance to continue to grow and strengthen. It’s amazing, actually, when I think about how many of these types of friendships I really have… Anyway, we have not spent any meaningful time together in quite a while. She called me out of the blue last night, needing guidance in a situation she is walking through.
I’ve been in the situation she’s in now, and it is no fun. The cool part about this is that she gets the benefit of my experience to help guide her along the way. It makes having gone through an incredibly painful experience much better knowing He’s getting a lot of mileage out of it, and I got to help my friend, to offer her sound advice and hope and peace that only comes from Him.
There is reciprocity here, as well. I was having a terrible day – too tired from a really crappy week to go hang out with my community, too unsettled to watch TV or read or even pray. I ended up sleeping most of the day. He brought me to mind last night, knowing what this day would be like for me and knowing that my love for her would pull me out of my self-indulgent pout back into Life.
I seem to be sliding off the mountaintop, through the valley and headed straight for the desert. We sing a song in church - “from the mountain, to the valley, may our praises rise to You…” I used to envision the world at creation when singing that song, similar to C.S. Lewis’ The Magician’s Nephew, when Aslan is singing the world into existence. It spoke to me of the vastness of His love and His people singing His praises throughout the earth. Now, I hear new meaning in that song. It speaks to me of Spiritual mountains and valleys, ala David in the Psalms. His emotions were all over the place – one psalm he’s praising the Lord with all he has in him, and the next he’s seemingly about to keel over in his intense agony and need for the Lord. I understand David more now than I ever have. I should have expected to crash and burn – it happens to the best of us after an intense encounter with the Lord. There’s no way to maintain that kind of high for long.
Today’s Scripture is Psalm 63 – quoted, coincidentally, a few posts back (day 25 – contrition – how cool is that?). Today is meant to be a day of reflection and gratitude. I just wasn’t feeling it – readily admitting that faith and my love for the Lord is not based on feelings. I need Him to let up or call the enemy off – whichever it is – I’m at a breaking point. Thanks, Josh, for praying for brokenness last Sunday at the Ring…
I know times of brokenness are inevitable; that they are incredibly fruitful times. It’s also very easy to forget how much it sucks to be here. So this day is about standing firm (even when I am flat on my back, Spiritually speaking) – a day where I will say, “And YET I will praise the LORD.”
1.20.2006
day 23 - importunity
I looked up “importunity” again tonight, and I could not help but laugh when I saw the definitions:
im.por.tu.ni.ty (noun)
Jesus advocates this type of behavior when he is teaching his disciples how to pray in Luke 11:5-8. This is further reinforced in James 4:2, Isaiah 59:16, Isaiah 64:7, and my favorite, Isaiah 62:6-7 – “I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth.” (I’d like to encourage you to look up the other Scripture references mentioned here – they are fascinating.)
He’s been telling me to “pray without ceasing.” That would be a direct quote from the LORD. He started telling me that when I arrived at the hospital in Knoxville, and He has not stopped. The problem with that is I don’t know who or what to pray for. Lately, the only thing definite that He’s shown me is that He is in charge and that I’m to pray for His will to be accomplished… My Spirit has been jumping like crazy – it is as I write this – but I don’t know who, what, why or how. It’s quite frustrating, actually. Maybe it’s a smokescreen from satan…
Now, I’m a person who likes specificity. I like to be told how to pray for someone or something. I think that’s the warrior in me. I like to know my battles – what I’m up against. I’ve heard stories about intercessors who can “read someone’s mail.” They hear specifics about someone and serve as sort of a Spiritual seeing-eye dog for whomever they are assigned to. I’m not quite that fine-tuned into His voice yet. I have some people on my Spiritual radar, and I hear so clearly exactly what He wants them to do, where He wants them to be, how they need to pray – really specific stuff, and it is knowledge that is not mine – it has to be from Him. And, it’s knowledge about random friends in random situations. But lately it comes and goes – like there is a switch on the radar and Someone is having a good time flipping it on and off. Weird, huh? Anything odd is God – that’s my motto.
What’s cool and frustrating about this current state of events is that He’s not allowing me to “see” or “hear” specifics. I’m fully dependent on Him to do what needs to be done – He just wants me to pray. Honestly, I hate this place. (gasp) OK, so that’s not quite true, but it’s incredibly frustrating – have I mentioned that I’m frustrated yet???
I have this sense of urgency – this knowing that something big is going on and I don’t have a clue. I like having a clue. I think He’s showing me importunity without specifics. What’s that about? I’m searching my radar desperately, needing to know who needs what, and I’m getting hardly anything. I’ll be glad when I figure this one out. This particular lesson is getting old. Yeah, I know – down with the flesh. And yes, I know – this is not about me. Blegh.
The Scripture for today is 1 Corinthians 12:27 – “Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a part of it.” I think I’m a hand… constantly tugging at Him for answers, or raised in battle against the enemy of God. According to everything I can find in Scripture, He likes that kind of stuff. It hasn’t felt like it lately, for sure, but I know He’s trying to show me something BIG. I think I’ll do a jig around the living room with the dog when this particular lesson is learned…
OK, so enough whining. He is in control of this, and may He receive ALL the glory for EVERYTHING in my life. To God be the GLORY – even when I can’t see – He can, and He is glorified. May His name be praised in all the earth.
im.por.tu.ni.ty (noun)
- wearisome persistence
- the fact of being troublesomely demanding or insistent
- persistent demand
- a demand made repeatedly or insistently
Jesus advocates this type of behavior when he is teaching his disciples how to pray in Luke 11:5-8. This is further reinforced in James 4:2, Isaiah 59:16, Isaiah 64:7, and my favorite, Isaiah 62:6-7 – “I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth.” (I’d like to encourage you to look up the other Scripture references mentioned here – they are fascinating.)
He’s been telling me to “pray without ceasing.” That would be a direct quote from the LORD. He started telling me that when I arrived at the hospital in Knoxville, and He has not stopped. The problem with that is I don’t know who or what to pray for. Lately, the only thing definite that He’s shown me is that He is in charge and that I’m to pray for His will to be accomplished… My Spirit has been jumping like crazy – it is as I write this – but I don’t know who, what, why or how. It’s quite frustrating, actually. Maybe it’s a smokescreen from satan…
Now, I’m a person who likes specificity. I like to be told how to pray for someone or something. I think that’s the warrior in me. I like to know my battles – what I’m up against. I’ve heard stories about intercessors who can “read someone’s mail.” They hear specifics about someone and serve as sort of a Spiritual seeing-eye dog for whomever they are assigned to. I’m not quite that fine-tuned into His voice yet. I have some people on my Spiritual radar, and I hear so clearly exactly what He wants them to do, where He wants them to be, how they need to pray – really specific stuff, and it is knowledge that is not mine – it has to be from Him. And, it’s knowledge about random friends in random situations. But lately it comes and goes – like there is a switch on the radar and Someone is having a good time flipping it on and off. Weird, huh? Anything odd is God – that’s my motto.
What’s cool and frustrating about this current state of events is that He’s not allowing me to “see” or “hear” specifics. I’m fully dependent on Him to do what needs to be done – He just wants me to pray. Honestly, I hate this place. (gasp) OK, so that’s not quite true, but it’s incredibly frustrating – have I mentioned that I’m frustrated yet???
I have this sense of urgency – this knowing that something big is going on and I don’t have a clue. I like having a clue. I think He’s showing me importunity without specifics. What’s that about? I’m searching my radar desperately, needing to know who needs what, and I’m getting hardly anything. I’ll be glad when I figure this one out. This particular lesson is getting old. Yeah, I know – down with the flesh. And yes, I know – this is not about me. Blegh.
The Scripture for today is 1 Corinthians 12:27 – “Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a part of it.” I think I’m a hand… constantly tugging at Him for answers, or raised in battle against the enemy of God. According to everything I can find in Scripture, He likes that kind of stuff. It hasn’t felt like it lately, for sure, but I know He’s trying to show me something BIG. I think I’ll do a jig around the living room with the dog when this particular lesson is learned…
OK, so enough whining. He is in control of this, and may He receive ALL the glory for EVERYTHING in my life. To God be the GLORY – even when I can’t see – He can, and He is glorified. May His name be praised in all the earth.
day 24 - opposition
It figures that on a day when we, the Ring, are praying together against the enemy, that he would decide to step it up. My Spirit has been jumpy all day. Usually when this happens to me, I pray through it and my heart finally lands on what He wants me to pray about. He’s shown me several situations just today that only His power can overcome.
One thing I’ve learned about the enemy of God is that he hates us. He is a created being. As such, he has to get permission to come against the children of God. If he truly has stepped it up, then it’s being allowed by his Maker.
Why does He allow the enemy to come against us? Well, there are a couple of reasons that come to mind. There is the whole sin issue. We live in a fallen world. Even through we are covered by the Blood of Christ, and are seen in His eyes as the Righteousness of Christ, we are surrounded by sin, surrounded by pawns who he will use against us.
There are also times when He allows us to be attacked to strengthen us, to grow us, to make us stronger in our dependence on the Father.
The good news in any situation is that he is fighting a battle that has already been lost. And he knows it. And it pisses him off. And it makes him desperate and vicious. Jesus knew all about this – He experienced it firsthand:
Luke 4:1-4
1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, 2where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread."
4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'[a]”
Where did satan attack first? At the most obvious point of weakness – His hunger – His physical need. Where does he attack you first? What do you struggle with that you can’t seem to overcome?
God’s Word tells us that we can overwhelmingly conquer the things in this life that keep us from Him. Jesus is not a hand’s off Leader – He has been there, done that. And He overcame.
You can overcome anything through Christ. Refuse to listen to the lies of the enemy. Listen, instead, for the Voice of your Shepard. He will counsel you, guide you, lead you every step of the way – to Him.
One thing I’ve learned about the enemy of God is that he hates us. He is a created being. As such, he has to get permission to come against the children of God. If he truly has stepped it up, then it’s being allowed by his Maker.
Why does He allow the enemy to come against us? Well, there are a couple of reasons that come to mind. There is the whole sin issue. We live in a fallen world. Even through we are covered by the Blood of Christ, and are seen in His eyes as the Righteousness of Christ, we are surrounded by sin, surrounded by pawns who he will use against us.
There are also times when He allows us to be attacked to strengthen us, to grow us, to make us stronger in our dependence on the Father.
The good news in any situation is that he is fighting a battle that has already been lost. And he knows it. And it pisses him off. And it makes him desperate and vicious. Jesus knew all about this – He experienced it firsthand:
Luke 4:1-4
1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, 2where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread."
4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'[a]”
Where did satan attack first? At the most obvious point of weakness – His hunger – His physical need. Where does he attack you first? What do you struggle with that you can’t seem to overcome?
God’s Word tells us that we can overwhelmingly conquer the things in this life that keep us from Him. Jesus is not a hand’s off Leader – He has been there, done that. And He overcame.
You can overcome anything through Christ. Refuse to listen to the lies of the enemy. Listen, instead, for the Voice of your Shepard. He will counsel you, guide you, lead you every step of the way – to Him.
1.18.2006
day 25 - contrition
When I said, a couple of posts back, that YHWH put me in my place, I meant it. I told Josh the other day that if I ever had any doubt as to the veracity or authenticity of my faith, of my salvation, or of my relationship with the Father, they have been stripped away. I am laid bare before Him, broken and contrite. As David writes, “Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.” (Psalm 2:11-12)
The conversation went something like this:
God: OK, little bold one. Child of Mine. Reign it in. We’re doing this My way.
Me: Father, please. I’ve accepted Your will – your answer is no. Have mercy on my family. Take him quickly. Please.
God: [Silence]
Me: Father, please. Have mercy. (tears begin as I weep before Him)
God: [Silence]
Me: Mercy, Father. Mercy. Please.
God: [Silence]
Me: Father… (sound of breaking heart) Your will. Your will be done, now and always.
God: Good. Now We’re getting somewhere. Stand up, daughter.
Yeah, it sucked for me, too… and this is the abbreviated version. It seemed like such an inappropriate time for Him to reveal that side of Himself. But I’ve walked with Him long enough to know that He does everything for a reason. I went there to pray for healing. I prayed specifically for healing - to intercede for Bill’s life. I know now I was interceding for his soul.
Since I’ve been home, He won’t let me pick up a book on intercession. He won’t let me pray in my Bible studies. We’re doing it His way. He’s chosen to teach me Himself how He wants me to intercede for others. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is awesome and humbling. Right now, He’s walking me through some missteps I’ve taken along the way. He’s assured me that He’s going to fix everything - every stupid, overly-bold thing I’ve said and done - but I get to get heart-checked along the way.
Gretzky-style.
I read David’s words differently now.
Psalm 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 63
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
So far, the countdown posts have been seemingly self-focused, but He manages to tie them in beautifully with the 30 days. This post is about contrition – about confession – and about prayer. And it’s about selflessness. Along this back-track, He pointed out a post that, although intended to be a first-line defense – a bold stance against the enemy – managed to be an arrogant line drawn in the sand – one He did not tell me to draw, and one that may have brought more misery than necessary on this Body that I so dearly love. The text for today is Luke 5:17-26:
17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."
One of the points made by Luke in this passage is that the paralytic’s friends put his needs before their own. They went to great lengths to see him healed. They were selfless. This post is selfless in the sense that I know I have to confess my stupidity, ask and receive His forgiveness, and He’s been very clear that I’m to do it corporately. Let me be clear – I am not cowering in defeat before the enemy, nor am I arrogantly assuming that all the spiritual warfare going on is because of me. I am humbling myself before my church, asking for their grace, and preparing to stand alongside them once more, fighting this time with Him in the lead.
Psalm 45:
3 Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness;
let your right hand display awesome deeds.
Your will, Father, now and always.
The conversation went something like this:
God: OK, little bold one. Child of Mine. Reign it in. We’re doing this My way.
Me: Father, please. I’ve accepted Your will – your answer is no. Have mercy on my family. Take him quickly. Please.
God: [Silence]
Me: Father, please. Have mercy. (tears begin as I weep before Him)
God: [Silence]
Me: Mercy, Father. Mercy. Please.
God: [Silence]
Me: Father… (sound of breaking heart) Your will. Your will be done, now and always.
God: Good. Now We’re getting somewhere. Stand up, daughter.
Yeah, it sucked for me, too… and this is the abbreviated version. It seemed like such an inappropriate time for Him to reveal that side of Himself. But I’ve walked with Him long enough to know that He does everything for a reason. I went there to pray for healing. I prayed specifically for healing - to intercede for Bill’s life. I know now I was interceding for his soul.
Since I’ve been home, He won’t let me pick up a book on intercession. He won’t let me pray in my Bible studies. We’re doing it His way. He’s chosen to teach me Himself how He wants me to intercede for others. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is awesome and humbling. Right now, He’s walking me through some missteps I’ve taken along the way. He’s assured me that He’s going to fix everything - every stupid, overly-bold thing I’ve said and done - but I get to get heart-checked along the way.
Gretzky-style.
I read David’s words differently now.
Psalm 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 63
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
So far, the countdown posts have been seemingly self-focused, but He manages to tie them in beautifully with the 30 days. This post is about contrition – about confession – and about prayer. And it’s about selflessness. Along this back-track, He pointed out a post that, although intended to be a first-line defense – a bold stance against the enemy – managed to be an arrogant line drawn in the sand – one He did not tell me to draw, and one that may have brought more misery than necessary on this Body that I so dearly love. The text for today is Luke 5:17-26:
17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."
One of the points made by Luke in this passage is that the paralytic’s friends put his needs before their own. They went to great lengths to see him healed. They were selfless. This post is selfless in the sense that I know I have to confess my stupidity, ask and receive His forgiveness, and He’s been very clear that I’m to do it corporately. Let me be clear – I am not cowering in defeat before the enemy, nor am I arrogantly assuming that all the spiritual warfare going on is because of me. I am humbling myself before my church, asking for their grace, and preparing to stand alongside them once more, fighting this time with Him in the lead.
Psalm 45:
3 Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness;
let your right hand display awesome deeds.
Your will, Father, now and always.
1.17.2006
day 26 - not this time, snake
I didn’t have a clue where this post was going until just now. I love it when He does that.
I just received an email from my cousin’s stepson. We met at the funeral, and he is overjoyed at the prospect of a whole other family – people who will love him, no matter what. Well, I’m ashamed to admit it, but that statement does not correctly describe the hearts of my family. What he’s looking for, and does not yet know, is the family of God. It’s up to me to show him.
Apparently, the Lord is not done with this whole adventure yet…
Bill’s stepson has decided to continue the “tradition” of forwarding, um, worldly joke emails in “honor” of Bill. That creates a dilemma for me. I’ll be the first to admit I used to invade people’s inboxes on a daily basis, not with bawdy jokes, but with funny forwards, prayer chains and the like. Well, somewhere along the way, I realized that it really was an invasion and that there was no possible way for 25 people to read 200 prayer requests everyday… so I stopped, much to the relief of the recipients, I’m sure. Most people responded in kind, and stopped forwarding emails to me when they stopped receiving emails from me. There were some that held out, and I had to gently ask them to please stop. By far and large, most have honored that request and everything is kosher.
The week before Bill died, I received an email from him. It was a forward – one about letters from children to God – an example would be, “Dear God – are you invisible, or is that a trick?” Cute enough that I thought about some friends of mine that have a heart for small children that I was considering sending it to. Then I decided I wasn’t going to break my own “forward” rule, so I started to delete it. No biggie – I delete forwards all the time from the few stubborn holdouts. I seriously had my cursor over the delete button and hesitated. I had a thought that this might be the last email from Bill. Little did I ever dream that I was absolutely correct.
The thing about Bill’s forwards to me is that they were never the raunchy kind. They were always “religious” emails – some dead on about salvation and intimacy with the Father. He knew who I am and what I’m about, so he kept them clean.
Now I have a new renegade forwarder to… handle? How do I adequately represent myself in such a way that I don’t turn him off, or turn him away, or do anything that makes me look like the judgmental churchy-type? How do I respect my own eyes and inbox and still be responsible with His reputation? The answer? Love him. That’s all I know to do.
So, my faithful readers, how in the world am I going to tie this in with today’s Scripture? Well, let me just tell you. Luke 21:1-4 says this:
1As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.[a] 3"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."
In our 30 days book, the message ends with this phrase: “he looks at the heart, always.” Those simple word struck me so deeply, at just the right time - “he looks at the heart, always.”
The continuation of Bill’s tradition of forwarding raunchy emails hit me in the heart. For a moment, before He calmed me, everything I wrote about in the last post lost all credibility – I was a fake and maybe slightly insane. Then His Truth hit me and all is well in my heart again. He sent me there for a reason. If anything, this confirms that, not refutes it. The enemy’s attempt to sideswipe me failed. The Father, to the very last, was after Bill's heart. It remains my belief that He stole it away from the enemy in those last few hours.
I just received an email from my cousin’s stepson. We met at the funeral, and he is overjoyed at the prospect of a whole other family – people who will love him, no matter what. Well, I’m ashamed to admit it, but that statement does not correctly describe the hearts of my family. What he’s looking for, and does not yet know, is the family of God. It’s up to me to show him.
Apparently, the Lord is not done with this whole adventure yet…
Bill’s stepson has decided to continue the “tradition” of forwarding, um, worldly joke emails in “honor” of Bill. That creates a dilemma for me. I’ll be the first to admit I used to invade people’s inboxes on a daily basis, not with bawdy jokes, but with funny forwards, prayer chains and the like. Well, somewhere along the way, I realized that it really was an invasion and that there was no possible way for 25 people to read 200 prayer requests everyday… so I stopped, much to the relief of the recipients, I’m sure. Most people responded in kind, and stopped forwarding emails to me when they stopped receiving emails from me. There were some that held out, and I had to gently ask them to please stop. By far and large, most have honored that request and everything is kosher.
The week before Bill died, I received an email from him. It was a forward – one about letters from children to God – an example would be, “Dear God – are you invisible, or is that a trick?” Cute enough that I thought about some friends of mine that have a heart for small children that I was considering sending it to. Then I decided I wasn’t going to break my own “forward” rule, so I started to delete it. No biggie – I delete forwards all the time from the few stubborn holdouts. I seriously had my cursor over the delete button and hesitated. I had a thought that this might be the last email from Bill. Little did I ever dream that I was absolutely correct.
The thing about Bill’s forwards to me is that they were never the raunchy kind. They were always “religious” emails – some dead on about salvation and intimacy with the Father. He knew who I am and what I’m about, so he kept them clean.
Now I have a new renegade forwarder to… handle? How do I adequately represent myself in such a way that I don’t turn him off, or turn him away, or do anything that makes me look like the judgmental churchy-type? How do I respect my own eyes and inbox and still be responsible with His reputation? The answer? Love him. That’s all I know to do.
So, my faithful readers, how in the world am I going to tie this in with today’s Scripture? Well, let me just tell you. Luke 21:1-4 says this:
1As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.[a] 3"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."
In our 30 days book, the message ends with this phrase: “he looks at the heart, always.” Those simple word struck me so deeply, at just the right time - “he looks at the heart, always.”
The continuation of Bill’s tradition of forwarding raunchy emails hit me in the heart. For a moment, before He calmed me, everything I wrote about in the last post lost all credibility – I was a fake and maybe slightly insane. Then His Truth hit me and all is well in my heart again. He sent me there for a reason. If anything, this confirms that, not refutes it. The enemy’s attempt to sideswipe me failed. The Father, to the very last, was after Bill's heart. It remains my belief that He stole it away from the enemy in those last few hours.
day 27 - shaken and stirred
My heart is slowly coming out of hiding. I’ve tucked it away, hating that it hesitates before the Lord. I had a rather intense encounter with Him Friday before last, and my heart has been limping along ever since. Articulation is normally a strong point for me, but I seem to have lost my voice. My heart feels like it’s vibrating – still shaken to the core by an encounter with the Almighty God. You know how you favor a broken limb, holding it close and hardly allowing it to move for fear of injuring it more, or experiencing more pain? Yeah, kinda like that…
He sent me on a mission. I know that as surely as I’ve known anything in my life. He called me to Knoxville to crawl onto the hospital bed and to pray over my cousin and read Scripture to him as he lay there on life support. Let me just interject here – I’ve never done anything like that in my life – never even considered the possibility of it. But yet, there I was, perched on the bed, Bible in hand, talking to Bill about a Jesus he knew about, but did not profess to know.
My hesitation to even write this is crazy. I know that I know that I KNOW that He used me in that hospital room. He touched many lives through me, and that, in and of itself, is an amazing thought. But there’s more… much more.
I refuse to be silenced by the thought that this may come across as anything but a testimony of what GOD has done. I believe with all my shaking heart that HE used me to speak to Bill’s heart. I believe that HE used me to save his soul – to give him that one last chance to be redeemed and restored to the Father.
That is an absolutely crazy thought to try to grasp. My heart can’t hardly stand it – my brain has definitely not wrapped around it. But I know it to be true. The implications of that are beyond anything that I’ve even begun to process…
What if I had said no? We do have free will, after all. I could have told the Lord He was crazy and not thought another thing about it. The thought of disobedience in this situation is absolutely terrifying. Why He would chose me, why He knew I would say yes… it’s too much for me.
I am awed. I am stirred deep within. I am shaking. My heart is vibrating – humming in my chest. Words cannot begin to describe how I feel… and it all began with a yes…
The Scripture reference for today is Matthew 4:18-22:
18As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." 20At once they left their nets and followed him.
21Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.
The immediacy of their response was the key to following Christ. Had I postponed – had I waited to ponder… How often do we delay obedience by using the excuse, “let me pray about that some more”…? I am not advocating over-reaction, nor am I advocating not approaching Him in prayer. The point here is this – once you’ve heard Him, no matter how much sense it does not make – GO. Go and glorify your Lord. Be the disciple, the fisher of men, that you are called to be. He will be honored and glorified, and you will be blessed beyond measure. I hope that you take the chance – that your heart gets the chance to shake like mine…
He sent me on a mission. I know that as surely as I’ve known anything in my life. He called me to Knoxville to crawl onto the hospital bed and to pray over my cousin and read Scripture to him as he lay there on life support. Let me just interject here – I’ve never done anything like that in my life – never even considered the possibility of it. But yet, there I was, perched on the bed, Bible in hand, talking to Bill about a Jesus he knew about, but did not profess to know.
My hesitation to even write this is crazy. I know that I know that I KNOW that He used me in that hospital room. He touched many lives through me, and that, in and of itself, is an amazing thought. But there’s more… much more.
I refuse to be silenced by the thought that this may come across as anything but a testimony of what GOD has done. I believe with all my shaking heart that HE used me to speak to Bill’s heart. I believe that HE used me to save his soul – to give him that one last chance to be redeemed and restored to the Father.
That is an absolutely crazy thought to try to grasp. My heart can’t hardly stand it – my brain has definitely not wrapped around it. But I know it to be true. The implications of that are beyond anything that I’ve even begun to process…
What if I had said no? We do have free will, after all. I could have told the Lord He was crazy and not thought another thing about it. The thought of disobedience in this situation is absolutely terrifying. Why He would chose me, why He knew I would say yes… it’s too much for me.
I am awed. I am stirred deep within. I am shaking. My heart is vibrating – humming in my chest. Words cannot begin to describe how I feel… and it all began with a yes…
The Scripture reference for today is Matthew 4:18-22:
18As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." 20At once they left their nets and followed him.
21Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.
The immediacy of their response was the key to following Christ. Had I postponed – had I waited to ponder… How often do we delay obedience by using the excuse, “let me pray about that some more”…? I am not advocating over-reaction, nor am I advocating not approaching Him in prayer. The point here is this – once you’ve heard Him, no matter how much sense it does not make – GO. Go and glorify your Lord. Be the disciple, the fisher of men, that you are called to be. He will be honored and glorified, and you will be blessed beyond measure. I hope that you take the chance – that your heart gets the chance to shake like mine…
1.16.2006
day 28 - said bubble has burst
The Lord has had me in what I like to call an “emotional bubble” for the past few years - this to allow me to heal and to grow. My life has been pretty much devoid of any trauma – relational or otherwise – for around 3 years. Well… said bubble has burst.
It’s not so bad, really. I was wondering what it would be like, but even though some pretty intense, tough things have happened lately, I really am ok. He has brought me through it all, and I am transformed – changed – made more into His likeness – and that is worth the cost of it all. In less than 2 weeks, lives have been lost, friendships have been strengthened and affirmed, and most importantly, He has trusted me to be obedient in some seriously intense situations – and through that obedience, lives have been touched and changed by Him. My relationship with Him has changed. It’s grown and deepened and gotten way more intimate than I anticipated. But intimacy with Christ is what it’s all about, right?
This thought has been circling in me for 3 days or so – and was beautifully summed up by my pastor in prayer tonight at the Ring. We are praying to be burdened for the lost within our community – for opportunities to be Christ in the lives that we are allowed to touch. Josh prayed that he realized that when he withholds his love from others, he is actually withholding HIS love from others. Puts things into perspective, don’t you think? I could not stay in the bubble and be all that I am to be in the lives of those I love, in the lives of my coworkers, in the lives of my neighbors. Our love for others is an overflow of our love for Him:
Mark 12:30-31
30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'[f] 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[g]There is no commandment greater than these."
Matthew 9:35-38 is the reference point:
35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
In case you have noticed the countdown, and don’t have a clue what it’s about – please allow me to fill you in. We, the Ring Community Church, are bathing the last 30 days leading up to the official launch of the church in prayer. Will you pray with us?
It’s not so bad, really. I was wondering what it would be like, but even though some pretty intense, tough things have happened lately, I really am ok. He has brought me through it all, and I am transformed – changed – made more into His likeness – and that is worth the cost of it all. In less than 2 weeks, lives have been lost, friendships have been strengthened and affirmed, and most importantly, He has trusted me to be obedient in some seriously intense situations – and through that obedience, lives have been touched and changed by Him. My relationship with Him has changed. It’s grown and deepened and gotten way more intimate than I anticipated. But intimacy with Christ is what it’s all about, right?
This thought has been circling in me for 3 days or so – and was beautifully summed up by my pastor in prayer tonight at the Ring. We are praying to be burdened for the lost within our community – for opportunities to be Christ in the lives that we are allowed to touch. Josh prayed that he realized that when he withholds his love from others, he is actually withholding HIS love from others. Puts things into perspective, don’t you think? I could not stay in the bubble and be all that I am to be in the lives of those I love, in the lives of my coworkers, in the lives of my neighbors. Our love for others is an overflow of our love for Him:
Mark 12:30-31
30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'[f] 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[g]There is no commandment greater than these."
Matthew 9:35-38 is the reference point:
35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
In case you have noticed the countdown, and don’t have a clue what it’s about – please allow me to fill you in. We, the Ring Community Church, are bathing the last 30 days leading up to the official launch of the church in prayer. Will you pray with us?
1.14.2006
day 29 - cry out to the LORD
Isaiah 46:9-11
9 Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.
11 From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that will I bring about;
what I have planned, that will I do.
Isaiah 40:6
6 A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
Acts 2:36-39
36"Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ."
37When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?"
38Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call."
Acts 4:32
32All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.
Pierced – by His beauty, by His love, by our unworthiness… a shared knowledge of Him, His sacrifice, His love, His grace and His SPIRIT. We are all covered in the same Blood – guilty of the same Blood – and restored by the same Blood. We all share the same Spirit, Who connects us in the deep places of our hearts. When we allow His truth to be fully applied and displayed in our lives - without fear - we will be of one heart and one mind. It cannot be any other way - we cannot help but become one when He invades the deep places of our hearts. This requires courage that only He can give us, courage that we have to want, to desire and to ask for - and to receive. In my experience, courage is born of desperation - for Him.
9 Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.
11 From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that will I bring about;
what I have planned, that will I do.
Isaiah 40:6
6 A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
Acts 2:36-39
36"Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ."
37When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?"
38Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call."
Acts 4:32
32All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.
Pierced – by His beauty, by His love, by our unworthiness… a shared knowledge of Him, His sacrifice, His love, His grace and His SPIRIT. We are all covered in the same Blood – guilty of the same Blood – and restored by the same Blood. We all share the same Spirit, Who connects us in the deep places of our hearts. When we allow His truth to be fully applied and displayed in our lives - without fear - we will be of one heart and one mind. It cannot be any other way - we cannot help but become one when He invades the deep places of our hearts. This requires courage that only He can give us, courage that we have to want, to desire and to ask for - and to receive. In my experience, courage is born of desperation - for Him.
Pierced - desperate - courageous - broken enough to cry out to Him and to receive His mercy, grace and love.
What a beautiful picture of His Church... as one.
day 30 - undone
I’ve come undone, and not a moment too soon. He’s revealed Himself to me in a way that I’ve never experienced before, and in doing so, He’s yanked me back onto His path for my life.
He is holy. He is majestic. He is sovereign. He is YHWH.
I am not.
Enter Philippians 3:7-11 - 7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
These past few weeks have been about faith. I was writing a blog in my head titled, “Artifice,” because I was going through a period of cynicism and self doubt about the depth and authenticity of my faith. Before I could even get the thoughts down, He was provoking me, protecting me, proving me wrong. I am His vessel. I am His child. His Word says that He disciplines those He loves. I would add that He can discipline us anytime He chooses, even when it seems inappropriate – if you can apply appropriateness to Him and anything He does – which we cannot.
He loves us enough to reach into our hurt, into our deepest fears, into our brokenness and boldly loves us through it all. Amazing – and humbling, to be sure.
Has He ever put you in your place? I ran smack dab into the God of the Old Testament last week. I realize that He is from everlasting to everlasting, but He definitely displays parts of Himself at different times – that’s how relationships grow. I have a much healthier fear – reverential (mostly) of Him now, that I’ve never experienced before. I’m still processing a lot of it, so if this post doesn’t make any sense, I claim exhaustion, spiritual bruising and heartache.
As the women in my Bible study will attest to, I am always behind in our studies, and I always – without fail – do the material at the exact right time. We’re doing a study on Genesis and I’m back in week 2… He prompted me to pick it back up last night. Typical, typical, typical…
The title? “Anything too hard” When did the group do it? The Monday after Katrina hit. When did I do it? After watching my cousin die and encountering Him in a way I have never known Him. I’d like to quote it – it’s written by Beth Moore and is entitled, “The Patriarchs – Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”
Being God means that He gets to do what He wants…try not to think of God’s perfection as His confinement. Rather, God is free from the confinement of all imperfections. In other words, His perfection does not limit Him. It frees Him… He can choose to reveal Himself any way He wants. His revelation doesn’t have to make sense to us…God can reveal Himself through flames of fire from within a bush, through a water-gushing rock, through a commander of an army, or through a voice out of a storm. If I may be so bold, I think He rather likes the variety.
The text is Genesis 18:14 – Is anything too hard for the LORD? May I refer you back to Philippians 3:7-11? FAITH – righteousness through faith in Jesus. It’s the only Way. He’s the only Way.
He is holy. He is majestic. He is sovereign. He is YHWH.
I am not.
Enter Philippians 3:7-11 - 7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
These past few weeks have been about faith. I was writing a blog in my head titled, “Artifice,” because I was going through a period of cynicism and self doubt about the depth and authenticity of my faith. Before I could even get the thoughts down, He was provoking me, protecting me, proving me wrong. I am His vessel. I am His child. His Word says that He disciplines those He loves. I would add that He can discipline us anytime He chooses, even when it seems inappropriate – if you can apply appropriateness to Him and anything He does – which we cannot.
He loves us enough to reach into our hurt, into our deepest fears, into our brokenness and boldly loves us through it all. Amazing – and humbling, to be sure.
Has He ever put you in your place? I ran smack dab into the God of the Old Testament last week. I realize that He is from everlasting to everlasting, but He definitely displays parts of Himself at different times – that’s how relationships grow. I have a much healthier fear – reverential (mostly) of Him now, that I’ve never experienced before. I’m still processing a lot of it, so if this post doesn’t make any sense, I claim exhaustion, spiritual bruising and heartache.
As the women in my Bible study will attest to, I am always behind in our studies, and I always – without fail – do the material at the exact right time. We’re doing a study on Genesis and I’m back in week 2… He prompted me to pick it back up last night. Typical, typical, typical…
The title? “Anything too hard” When did the group do it? The Monday after Katrina hit. When did I do it? After watching my cousin die and encountering Him in a way I have never known Him. I’d like to quote it – it’s written by Beth Moore and is entitled, “The Patriarchs – Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”
Being God means that He gets to do what He wants…try not to think of God’s perfection as His confinement. Rather, God is free from the confinement of all imperfections. In other words, His perfection does not limit Him. It frees Him… He can choose to reveal Himself any way He wants. His revelation doesn’t have to make sense to us…God can reveal Himself through flames of fire from within a bush, through a water-gushing rock, through a commander of an army, or through a voice out of a storm. If I may be so bold, I think He rather likes the variety.
The text is Genesis 18:14 – Is anything too hard for the LORD? May I refer you back to Philippians 3:7-11? FAITH – righteousness through faith in Jesus. It’s the only Way. He’s the only Way.
12.30.2005
denial
I find myself in a season of quiet waiting. I don’t know how long this season is going to last, but it’s different than anything He has brought me to or through before.
It’s characterized mainly by denial. Denial of self indulgences, of opportunities, of possessions, of possibilities… all vague, I know, but some things are between Him and me.
It’s odd, because this season is also characterized by extreme indulgence – mainly in time with Him. I’ve taken a lot of time off work, or gone into work late, or worked from home; I’ve even taken naps in the middle of the day, with Him.
I think this peace, this trust, this quietness comes from obedience. He told me something 2 years ago, and as that time draws to a close, I have made a heart and mind decision to not question Him, to just take Him at His word and to trust. I knew, when I made this decision - and it was deliberate, I assure you - that I would be tested.
So far, the testing has been easy to spot and navigate around. Some things are more subtle, and require more focus on Him to stay the course, but I’ve managed to walk pretty steadily up to this point, quietly trusting.
I’ve read Scripture that tells us to deny self, to take up our crosses and follow Him. That always sounds so Jesus-freak-ish to me, in the sense of real world application. Or worse, it sounds SO sacrificial. Now that I think about it, I’ve had a season or 3 like that already, and they’ve been incredibly painful experiences. That’s not what this season is about.
This season is about holding Him to His promises. It’s about trusting Him enough to tell myself NO – which, believe me – that’s a big deal. Up to this point in my life, if I wanted something badly enough, I would find a way to get it. Period. Now, I think I’ve finally learned to wait for Him to provide, rather than for me to go get.
I don’t think I can adequately convey what a BIG DEAL this really is. I know this post is not written with the same passion or intensity as usually typifies my writing. My spirit is quiet, and so this post is quiet. My pastor told me a few years ago that He always answers – yes, no or wait. The question is not about what He wants us to learn during the wait. It’s about Him asking us, “Do you trust Me?”
In learning to say “Yes” to Him and "No" to me, I’ve found that I’ve learned how to wait.
It’s characterized mainly by denial. Denial of self indulgences, of opportunities, of possessions, of possibilities… all vague, I know, but some things are between Him and me.
It’s odd, because this season is also characterized by extreme indulgence – mainly in time with Him. I’ve taken a lot of time off work, or gone into work late, or worked from home; I’ve even taken naps in the middle of the day, with Him.
I think this peace, this trust, this quietness comes from obedience. He told me something 2 years ago, and as that time draws to a close, I have made a heart and mind decision to not question Him, to just take Him at His word and to trust. I knew, when I made this decision - and it was deliberate, I assure you - that I would be tested.
So far, the testing has been easy to spot and navigate around. Some things are more subtle, and require more focus on Him to stay the course, but I’ve managed to walk pretty steadily up to this point, quietly trusting.
I’ve read Scripture that tells us to deny self, to take up our crosses and follow Him. That always sounds so Jesus-freak-ish to me, in the sense of real world application. Or worse, it sounds SO sacrificial. Now that I think about it, I’ve had a season or 3 like that already, and they’ve been incredibly painful experiences. That’s not what this season is about.
This season is about holding Him to His promises. It’s about trusting Him enough to tell myself NO – which, believe me – that’s a big deal. Up to this point in my life, if I wanted something badly enough, I would find a way to get it. Period. Now, I think I’ve finally learned to wait for Him to provide, rather than for me to go get.
I don’t think I can adequately convey what a BIG DEAL this really is. I know this post is not written with the same passion or intensity as usually typifies my writing. My spirit is quiet, and so this post is quiet. My pastor told me a few years ago that He always answers – yes, no or wait. The question is not about what He wants us to learn during the wait. It’s about Him asking us, “Do you trust Me?”
In learning to say “Yes” to Him and "No" to me, I’ve found that I’ve learned how to wait.
12.28.2005
temptation
I want to tell you a story. It’s not really mine to tell, but the Lord showed me something through it, so I think it’s ok… besides, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
My friend, Christian, has a dog. More accurately, a juvenile Australian Sheppard mix – big as a dog, but still ALL puppy. Her name is Ebenezer, and she’s beautiful. Not in show dog standards, but if you can measure beauty by exuberance and unconditional love, such as dogs have, well, then, she is quite the beauty queen - cow lick down her back and all…
Now, Ebenezer has a problem with temptation and self-control. Her owners, being the intelligent men that they are, barricaded her from the Christmas tree, knowing that if she went anywhere near it, she would not be able to contain herself. As these things are want to happen, said barricade did not hold, and alas, all the presents were ripped open in sheer ecstasy and delight, and Ebenezer spent the night throwing up one of the gifts she had eaten.
I’m laughing now as I write, and I was chuckling about it yesterday when the Lord showed me something.
How like us to do the same thing, metaphorically speaking, of course (…I hope…)? His Word promises us that we can OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUER the strongholds in our lives – the temptations and the sin that keep us from living fully in the heart of God. I’m talking about real issues – lust (gasp), rage, pride, self-hatred, old pre-Jesus ways of living life and protecting ourselves… fill in your blank. How often do we barricade ourselves, thinking we are safe from something we KNOW we struggle with, only to climb right over that barricade and get into all sorts of trouble?
You may not have noticed, but I intentionally left out something that God’s Word tells us in that promise. More correctly, His Word tells us that THROUGH HIM we can overwhelmingly conquer all things. What would happen, do you suppose, if we stopped trying to protect ourselves, and allowed Him to do it for us? What would happen if we turned to Him and stood firm (or held on for dear life), trusting Him to be our Conqueror, as He promises?
My friend, Christian, has a dog. More accurately, a juvenile Australian Sheppard mix – big as a dog, but still ALL puppy. Her name is Ebenezer, and she’s beautiful. Not in show dog standards, but if you can measure beauty by exuberance and unconditional love, such as dogs have, well, then, she is quite the beauty queen - cow lick down her back and all…
Now, Ebenezer has a problem with temptation and self-control. Her owners, being the intelligent men that they are, barricaded her from the Christmas tree, knowing that if she went anywhere near it, she would not be able to contain herself. As these things are want to happen, said barricade did not hold, and alas, all the presents were ripped open in sheer ecstasy and delight, and Ebenezer spent the night throwing up one of the gifts she had eaten.
I’m laughing now as I write, and I was chuckling about it yesterday when the Lord showed me something.
How like us to do the same thing, metaphorically speaking, of course (…I hope…)? His Word promises us that we can OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUER the strongholds in our lives – the temptations and the sin that keep us from living fully in the heart of God. I’m talking about real issues – lust (gasp), rage, pride, self-hatred, old pre-Jesus ways of living life and protecting ourselves… fill in your blank. How often do we barricade ourselves, thinking we are safe from something we KNOW we struggle with, only to climb right over that barricade and get into all sorts of trouble?
You may not have noticed, but I intentionally left out something that God’s Word tells us in that promise. More correctly, His Word tells us that THROUGH HIM we can overwhelmingly conquer all things. What would happen, do you suppose, if we stopped trying to protect ourselves, and allowed Him to do it for us? What would happen if we turned to Him and stood firm (or held on for dear life), trusting Him to be our Conqueror, as He promises?
12.17.2005
Spirit Rising
As I learn and grow as a Christian, particularly as an intercessor, He is showing me things all the time – almost at a rate that doesn’t allow for full processing before something else happens. I find that I need to write the thoughts circling in my head so I don’t lose them. I’m not even sure where this post is going, but let’s see where He leads me…
One way that I learn about something is to read everything that I can about it. I have several books on intercession that I’ve been reading through. One was given to me by a very dear friend – a “Spirit” friend is the best way to describe her. She and I have not had much time to spend together over the past several years, but we are deeply linked, none-the-less. Her name is Meg, and I don’t know that I’ve ever articulated to her how clearly I see Him in her, or how much He leads me through her. No pedestal here – she is human and fallible, as we all are. She will let me down, the same as I will let her down, but there is no doubt that we will always come back together, regardless of time or distance, because He is the Center and the Root of this friendship. I could go on and on about her, but that’s not what He wants from this post… and she would be mortified, and probably already is…
The very first time I went to Meg’s apartment, we hardly knew each other. It was an incredible night of discovery and encouragement, sharpening and love. Talk about divine appointments… as I was leaving after several hours of non-stop talking, Meg handed me a book. To be quite candid, I didn’t have a clue back then how clearly she hears the voice of her Shepard; how immediately obedient she is, and how much her heart looks like His… but I digress again…
Meg handed me a book called, “The Ministry of Intercession,” by Andrew Murray. I didn’t have a clue what intercession is, or why she would give me this book, written with words like “importunity” that I have to look up before I can keep reading… It’s a difficult read, at best, and this said by a person who has read literally thousands of books. It’s been on my nightstand since then. Every now and then, I would pick it up and try to read it, only to put it down again. I just could not understand why she had given it to me. I just knew that she gave it to me for a reason, and that it would make sense one day.
What an understatement! Why do we ever doubt that He knows what He’s doing??? How she knew, way back then, what He would develop in me, what role He had planned for me – can only be attributed to God. She told me that night that there would be a place within the Ring that only I could fill – that if I was truly where He wanted me to be, this need within the ministry would develop that He would equip me to meet. HUGE CAVEAT – I am in NO WAY saying that I am the only intercessor within the Ring – I’m not even the most effective. I have so much to learn – which brings me to the original thought for this post.
There are many ways He’s shown me how to intercede for others. Different types of prayer, different ways of walking with someone, sharing and, at times, carrying their burdens when they are too heavy. By far the coolest way He has allowed me to intercede for someone is what I’ve come to call “Spirit Rising.” It’s only happened a few times, and it’s incredible.
I can only describe it as a rising – a rushing – a filling – a roaring – of His Holy Spirit deep within me, and I know His power has been unleashed in the spiritual realm and there is some serious battle going on. I can’t see it, there is nothing to go on except for what I feel let loose – it’s Him through me in an awesome rising up of His Spirit. During those times, in those situations, I am walking in His full authority over a situation, and it’s incredibly powerful. That’s probably why He has only allowed it to happen a few times, so far.
I must keep my heart ever humble before HIM, or this could be easily taken away, or worse, abused. I don’t know if you’ve ever walked through something, knowing that He has been unleashed, that you are walking in the full authority of Jesus Christ – but it’s amazing.
One way that I learn about something is to read everything that I can about it. I have several books on intercession that I’ve been reading through. One was given to me by a very dear friend – a “Spirit” friend is the best way to describe her. She and I have not had much time to spend together over the past several years, but we are deeply linked, none-the-less. Her name is Meg, and I don’t know that I’ve ever articulated to her how clearly I see Him in her, or how much He leads me through her. No pedestal here – she is human and fallible, as we all are. She will let me down, the same as I will let her down, but there is no doubt that we will always come back together, regardless of time or distance, because He is the Center and the Root of this friendship. I could go on and on about her, but that’s not what He wants from this post… and she would be mortified, and probably already is…
The very first time I went to Meg’s apartment, we hardly knew each other. It was an incredible night of discovery and encouragement, sharpening and love. Talk about divine appointments… as I was leaving after several hours of non-stop talking, Meg handed me a book. To be quite candid, I didn’t have a clue back then how clearly she hears the voice of her Shepard; how immediately obedient she is, and how much her heart looks like His… but I digress again…
Meg handed me a book called, “The Ministry of Intercession,” by Andrew Murray. I didn’t have a clue what intercession is, or why she would give me this book, written with words like “importunity” that I have to look up before I can keep reading… It’s a difficult read, at best, and this said by a person who has read literally thousands of books. It’s been on my nightstand since then. Every now and then, I would pick it up and try to read it, only to put it down again. I just could not understand why she had given it to me. I just knew that she gave it to me for a reason, and that it would make sense one day.
What an understatement! Why do we ever doubt that He knows what He’s doing??? How she knew, way back then, what He would develop in me, what role He had planned for me – can only be attributed to God. She told me that night that there would be a place within the Ring that only I could fill – that if I was truly where He wanted me to be, this need within the ministry would develop that He would equip me to meet. HUGE CAVEAT – I am in NO WAY saying that I am the only intercessor within the Ring – I’m not even the most effective. I have so much to learn – which brings me to the original thought for this post.
There are many ways He’s shown me how to intercede for others. Different types of prayer, different ways of walking with someone, sharing and, at times, carrying their burdens when they are too heavy. By far the coolest way He has allowed me to intercede for someone is what I’ve come to call “Spirit Rising.” It’s only happened a few times, and it’s incredible.
I can only describe it as a rising – a rushing – a filling – a roaring – of His Holy Spirit deep within me, and I know His power has been unleashed in the spiritual realm and there is some serious battle going on. I can’t see it, there is nothing to go on except for what I feel let loose – it’s Him through me in an awesome rising up of His Spirit. During those times, in those situations, I am walking in His full authority over a situation, and it’s incredibly powerful. That’s probably why He has only allowed it to happen a few times, so far.
I must keep my heart ever humble before HIM, or this could be easily taken away, or worse, abused. I don’t know if you’ve ever walked through something, knowing that He has been unleashed, that you are walking in the full authority of Jesus Christ – but it’s amazing.
12.12.2005
Man, he’s pissed!
As we get closer and closer to the launch of the Ring Community Church, the spiritual activity is, of course, heating up. WAY UP. This is just one story – there are many more…
I’ve been battling the same lies that he always tells me – you’re too old, you don’t belong, you’re ineffective, you’re unapproachable… all crap, but they hurt all the same. Praise God that I know them for what they are – attempts by a pissed off enemy to render his foes ineffective. Praise God that I can recognize that and dismiss them as lies.
I’ve been battling in other areas of my life as well – mostly relational stuff that hurts, too. It seems that this particular method of attack is a common one in the ministry right now, but it’s effective only so long as we focus on the lies and ourselves. Pretty intense stuff, but again, I know what it is, and therefore how to fight it. I believe most of us know this is spiritual attack – if you are involved in the Ring and are experiencing this kind of crap in your life – know what it is, and know that you are covered – by people within the Ring ministry that are fighting for you, and by The Intercessor Himself. Fight the lies and trust the Truth.
But today… man, oh, man. Does he fight dirty when he’s pissed!!!
I stayed home today – I sensed a pressing need to stay home with my Lord, to pray, to work through some of these lies and find my way through the murk back to Life. I was struggling this morning, really having a hard time praying, same as I have for the past several weeks or so. I finally went to take a nap, praying for Him to reveal Himself to me, praying for Him to speak to me or to give me a vision – to give me something to go on.
I’m still shaking my head in amazement. The enemy of God really is so audacious, and he certainly does not pull any punches.
It took me awhile to go to sleep – I just lay there, praying and singing, waiting for Him to show me what I need to see. When I finally slept, I had the most vivid dream, and it was most assuredly NOT from Him, although He allowed it. That will make sense in a minute.
I had a very vivid and profane dream. I will not go into detail, but suffice it to say that it shocked me. In that place between dreaming and consciousness, as I was realizing what I was dreaming about and understanding that it was an attack, I was brought fully awake by an audible, “F*** you.” In my bedroom! In my home! How dare he come into this place?
I knew that I would have to get angry – really angry – before I would be able to fight with any effectiveness. Well, I’m angry. No, I’m pissed. That particular little demon was bound and sent straight to HIS throne for judgment. By HIS divine nature that exists within me, by HIS authority given to me as a child of the Most High, by all the power of Heaven – by HIM and Him alone – it’s ON. Bring it.
I’ve been battling the same lies that he always tells me – you’re too old, you don’t belong, you’re ineffective, you’re unapproachable… all crap, but they hurt all the same. Praise God that I know them for what they are – attempts by a pissed off enemy to render his foes ineffective. Praise God that I can recognize that and dismiss them as lies.
I’ve been battling in other areas of my life as well – mostly relational stuff that hurts, too. It seems that this particular method of attack is a common one in the ministry right now, but it’s effective only so long as we focus on the lies and ourselves. Pretty intense stuff, but again, I know what it is, and therefore how to fight it. I believe most of us know this is spiritual attack – if you are involved in the Ring and are experiencing this kind of crap in your life – know what it is, and know that you are covered – by people within the Ring ministry that are fighting for you, and by The Intercessor Himself. Fight the lies and trust the Truth.
But today… man, oh, man. Does he fight dirty when he’s pissed!!!
I stayed home today – I sensed a pressing need to stay home with my Lord, to pray, to work through some of these lies and find my way through the murk back to Life. I was struggling this morning, really having a hard time praying, same as I have for the past several weeks or so. I finally went to take a nap, praying for Him to reveal Himself to me, praying for Him to speak to me or to give me a vision – to give me something to go on.
I’m still shaking my head in amazement. The enemy of God really is so audacious, and he certainly does not pull any punches.
It took me awhile to go to sleep – I just lay there, praying and singing, waiting for Him to show me what I need to see. When I finally slept, I had the most vivid dream, and it was most assuredly NOT from Him, although He allowed it. That will make sense in a minute.
I had a very vivid and profane dream. I will not go into detail, but suffice it to say that it shocked me. In that place between dreaming and consciousness, as I was realizing what I was dreaming about and understanding that it was an attack, I was brought fully awake by an audible, “F*** you.” In my bedroom! In my home! How dare he come into this place?
I knew that I would have to get angry – really angry – before I would be able to fight with any effectiveness. Well, I’m angry. No, I’m pissed. That particular little demon was bound and sent straight to HIS throne for judgment. By HIS divine nature that exists within me, by HIS authority given to me as a child of the Most High, by all the power of Heaven – by HIM and Him alone – it’s ON. Bring it.
12.07.2005
Worthy???
Here’s a random thought that’s been running around in my mind for quite a while now. Maybe you guys can shed some light for me…
Many of the worship songs we know and love proclaim His worth. Here’s my question:
Who are we, the created, to determine the worth of the Creator?
It boggles my mind.
Many of the worship songs we know and love proclaim His worth. Here’s my question:
Who are we, the created, to determine the worth of the Creator?
It boggles my mind.
11.24.2005
Turkey Day – Part 2…
So, my friend Allison called me as soon as I finished posting the last blog. She invited me to go to the movies with her and a couple of her friends. My transition from loving being alone to YAY FRIENDS was instant.
Allison, unlike me, is never late. She asked me to be at her house at 6:20, to be at the theater at 6:45 (it’s only 10 minutes away, max) for a 7:20 showing. So I’m on time (yay) and we get to the theater at 6:30… which is actually kinda fun, because we got into the auditorium 30 minutes before start – which means that we go to watch a blurb on global warming, ScreenVision and lots of movie trailers. Oh, I left out the part where she and Heather knew everybody in the theater, so it’s like a bunch of friends in there… ok, so it was a bunch of friends in there, but I only knew 3 – but it felt like I knew everyone.
We went to see “Just Friends.” It was non-stop, can’t breathe, can’t make-a-sound-because-you-can’t-breathe-much-less-laugh hysterical. The entire audience was in stitches – for the entire movie.
It was great – not the movie, although it was hysterical – what was really great was that He knew, as much as I loved being alone today, I was beginning to feel alone, if you understand…
Anyway, He put me on her heart and I tagged along with them and had a total blast. I knew I nick-named her Beautiful for a reason…
Allison, unlike me, is never late. She asked me to be at her house at 6:20, to be at the theater at 6:45 (it’s only 10 minutes away, max) for a 7:20 showing. So I’m on time (yay) and we get to the theater at 6:30… which is actually kinda fun, because we got into the auditorium 30 minutes before start – which means that we go to watch a blurb on global warming, ScreenVision and lots of movie trailers. Oh, I left out the part where she and Heather knew everybody in the theater, so it’s like a bunch of friends in there… ok, so it was a bunch of friends in there, but I only knew 3 – but it felt like I knew everyone.
We went to see “Just Friends.” It was non-stop, can’t breathe, can’t make-a-sound-because-you-can’t-breathe-much-less-laugh hysterical. The entire audience was in stitches – for the entire movie.
It was great – not the movie, although it was hysterical – what was really great was that He knew, as much as I loved being alone today, I was beginning to feel alone, if you understand…
Anyway, He put me on her heart and I tagged along with them and had a total blast. I knew I nick-named her Beautiful for a reason…
Tanning on Turkey Day
I love the Lord. Have I told anyone that lately?
He’s given me 5 days of downtime – time to be completely alone if I want – which I do at the moment.
This is the very first Thanksgiving Day I’ve spent by myself. Over-worked and under-rested (yes, that’s a word – I just made it up) I declined to do the family thing this year. My roommate is in Alabama with her family, my family is in Mississippi and I’m ALONE!!!
It’s funny how the passage of time changes your perspective. The 13 years I was with my ex, I dreaded the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular. It was the perfect excuse for all the men in his family to drink themselves stupid, and the women invariably bore the brunt of said stupidity. The years immediately following my marriage were times of loneliness – different than the loneliness that I experienced as a wife – and wondering when I would share in the festivities of another family’s traditions, and what they would be like.
This year, I find myself alone and thankful for it. I grew up in a very loose-knit family that I love, but one that only gathers for Thanksgiving and funerals. The community I’ve experienced at the Ring has gone a long way toward showing me what true fellowship looks and acts like. I look with alien’s eyes into the lives of my friends and the dynamics of their families, and maybe I’m a little envious of the love, laughter and belonging they share.
Praise the Lord that I belong to a much larger family now – the family of God – and, more intimately, the Ring family. If it is His will, one day I’ll belong to an earthly family – my husband’s family – and I’ll know the acceptance and belonging that comes with adoption into that family. For now, my adoption into the family of God more than sustains me.
So, how did I spend this balmy, Southern Thanksgiving? I read all morning, I tanned by the pool (yep, lying out at the end of November!) and then came in, ate a whole plate of green bean casserole left over from our Community Group Thanksgiving feast earlier this week, and read some more. It was great.
He’s given me 5 days of downtime – time to be completely alone if I want – which I do at the moment.
This is the very first Thanksgiving Day I’ve spent by myself. Over-worked and under-rested (yes, that’s a word – I just made it up) I declined to do the family thing this year. My roommate is in Alabama with her family, my family is in Mississippi and I’m ALONE!!!
It’s funny how the passage of time changes your perspective. The 13 years I was with my ex, I dreaded the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular. It was the perfect excuse for all the men in his family to drink themselves stupid, and the women invariably bore the brunt of said stupidity. The years immediately following my marriage were times of loneliness – different than the loneliness that I experienced as a wife – and wondering when I would share in the festivities of another family’s traditions, and what they would be like.
This year, I find myself alone and thankful for it. I grew up in a very loose-knit family that I love, but one that only gathers for Thanksgiving and funerals. The community I’ve experienced at the Ring has gone a long way toward showing me what true fellowship looks and acts like. I look with alien’s eyes into the lives of my friends and the dynamics of their families, and maybe I’m a little envious of the love, laughter and belonging they share.
Praise the Lord that I belong to a much larger family now – the family of God – and, more intimately, the Ring family. If it is His will, one day I’ll belong to an earthly family – my husband’s family – and I’ll know the acceptance and belonging that comes with adoption into that family. For now, my adoption into the family of God more than sustains me.
So, how did I spend this balmy, Southern Thanksgiving? I read all morning, I tanned by the pool (yep, lying out at the end of November!) and then came in, ate a whole plate of green bean casserole left over from our Community Group Thanksgiving feast earlier this week, and read some more. It was great.
11.21.2005
worship under water
I can't sing. That's probably not a big surprise to anyone who has sat beside me in church. I love to sing, but I'm one of those who can adjust their voice to whoever is singing, but solo is altogether... well, just wrong.
With that said, I was singing my little heart out in the shower last Friday. I mean, really belting it out. I was praising Him loud and proud... my neighbors could probably hear me...
I was singing a medley of songs - just praising Him with whatever lyrics came to mind. This went on for about 15 minutes when I moved on to, "Grace Flows Down," which is a derivation of the original, "Amazing Grace." All of a sudden, I had an accompaniment to my musical in the shower. Over the sound of my voice and the running water, I heard my cat, Manny, at the bathroom door. He was singing with me... proof that he is not the demon cat from hell - yes, that's directed at you Katie, Megan, Misty, Allison, Laurel, Michelle and whoever else denies his salvation...
He's really funny - he only sings along with me to "Grace Flows Down" and "Amazing Grace" - no other songs. He picked it up from my niece, Brittany, when I was living with my sister. She has a gorgeous voice and sings at the top of her lungs, too. He sang with her, and now he sings with me.
It was great. I had this picture of Him in my mind - hands clamped over His ears and grinning down at me, loving every minute of it.
With that said, I was singing my little heart out in the shower last Friday. I mean, really belting it out. I was praising Him loud and proud... my neighbors could probably hear me...
I was singing a medley of songs - just praising Him with whatever lyrics came to mind. This went on for about 15 minutes when I moved on to, "Grace Flows Down," which is a derivation of the original, "Amazing Grace." All of a sudden, I had an accompaniment to my musical in the shower. Over the sound of my voice and the running water, I heard my cat, Manny, at the bathroom door. He was singing with me... proof that he is not the demon cat from hell - yes, that's directed at you Katie, Megan, Misty, Allison, Laurel, Michelle and whoever else denies his salvation...
He's really funny - he only sings along with me to "Grace Flows Down" and "Amazing Grace" - no other songs. He picked it up from my niece, Brittany, when I was living with my sister. She has a gorgeous voice and sings at the top of her lungs, too. He sang with her, and now he sings with me.
It was great. I had this picture of Him in my mind - hands clamped over His ears and grinning down at me, loving every minute of it.
11.15.2005
one last day...
| I’ve been given a gift. A glorious gift from a glorious God; HE has allowed the warmth to linger – just for a day – for less than 24 hours before a cold front comes through from the west and brings the bite of chilly air. I’ve had this debate with, well, just about everyone I’ve talked to about the changing seasons. Most are looking forward to beautiful weather and cooler temperatures. Me, not so much. I hate being cold. I recognize His hand in the change of the seasons; I see the beauty of it all, and somewhere it speaks softly to my soul. It speaks of change, of stability, of the passage of time – lots of things that are proof that He knew what He was doing when He set everything in motion. My issue with all of this is being cold. I hate being cold. I can’t even wrap it in thoughts of His glorious design – I just flat hate being cold. Cold in south Louisiana is much different than any other place I’ve lived in the winter (Wyoming and north Texas). It’s a damp, chill-you-to-the-bones, make-your-muscles-shake-and-shiver-and-hurt kind of cold that lingers until April. The advent of the “winter” here sets in me a longing for warm spring days when the earth comes alive again, and His majesty and splendor are revealed positively everywhere. The earth bursts with life and hope and color and beauty. The “winter” in the South is nothing compared to other climes, and that’s fine – that’s why I don’t live there. But today, this glorious day, He has seen fit to give me one more day of warmth and sunshine and heavy, sultry southern air, and I love Him for it. This day is for me, and I praise Him for it. See, Meg – I’m not intense all the time… just most of the time… :P Here are some pictures I took this past spring here in BR, San Diego, La Jolla, Azle (that’s in TX) – reminders of places I’ve been and of things to come… I hope you enjoy them. Oh - one more thing - a HUGE THANK YOU to Travis and Matt for their help with the pics and html table - no way I could have done this without them. Thanks, guys! You're AWESOME!!! | |
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11.10.2005
Bitterness is a choice...
Bitterness is a choice…
The Body of Christ at the church I attend on Sunday mornings is broken. Apparently, this brokenness has been in the works, so to speak, for a while – several years, in fact. The good news here is that the Lord works mightily in our lives, individually and collectively, through the brokenness. How broken we have to be is entirely up to us. But because He loves us SO MUCH, He will continue to allow us to make wrong choices – it’s that dang free will thing – so that once we finally break, He can come in and do absolutely amazing things in and through us. “His strength is made perfect in our weakness.”
One of the reasons that I love going to church is that I learn so much. I have been praying for unity in the Body of Christ. A couple of weeks ago, my pastor spoke on the Body, and about how we already have unity through Christ’s sacrificial life, death, resurrection and ascension… we just don’t live like it. One Life, one death, one resurrection, one ascension – one Savior. How much more unity do we need before we actually GET IT, for crying out loud?
The next Sunday morning, I attended a different Sunday School than I normally do. It was actually kinda cool – I had absolutely no doubt that I was supposed to go, even though the times I have been before have been somewhat uncomfortable for me. We continued the discussion from the main sermon on extending grace, on forgiveness and what that looks like truly lived out it our lives. The discussion centered on how to continue the healing process within in church. It was a pretty provocative discussion, in the sense that it made you really think about His forgiveness. Who are we to withhold forgiveness from anyone? The staff ministers (we are pastor-less at the moment – the pastor I keep referring to is the pastor of the Ring Community Church, a church plant of the main church I attend on Sunday mornings) are trying to move the Body through the healing process towards Him. It’s quite a daunting task. Oddly enough, I had a lot to say in that particular discussion, because I have vast amounts of experience in brokenness, forgiveness (both sides of extending and receiving grace) and bitterness.
Ultimately, bitterness is a choice. Either you allow the Lord to work in your heart and you either ask for or receive forgiveness, or you become bitter. A really good example of this from the Scriptures is in Genesis, in the story of Jacob and Isaac. It goes something like this (Genesis 27) – Isaac had 2 sons, Jacob and Esau. Esau, as the oldest son, was to receive the father’s blessing and therefore his inheritance. Enter Rebekah, the mom, and the web of lies begins. She directs her gullible younger son, Jacob, to trick his aging father into giving him his blessing, therefore stealing it from his older brother. Check out this passage in verses 41 and 42 – “41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." 42 When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, "Your brother Esau is consoling himself with the thought of killing you.” Now, personally, I sympathize with Esau and don’t blame him for being angry. But to allow that anger to eat way at his heart, to grow and change to bitterness and thoughts of murder (no forgiveness there…) allows satan in and ultimately causes corruption from the inside out. (I’m currently studying Genesis in a Bible study by Beth Moore called, The Patriarchs – Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, so a lot of this is coming from that teaching – just to give the author and the Author credit).
Forgiveness is an outward sign of an inward condition, same as bitterness – it’s a heart reflection. Ultimately, forgiveness MJST happen one heart at a time, through intimacy with Christ – through a surrendered life, and a heart that seeks after, and abides in, the heart of God. As I said, our church leadership has a daunting task. Only through His transforming power and grace are we going to heal and move on. But, praise the Lord, He is so much bigger than a few stubborn hearts. I cannot wait to see HIM and His Kingdom displayed in its full glory in the Body and to the community in which we live.
11.02.2005
Sin and Redemption
Sin and Redemption
“Do I really have to do this?” Silence. An overwhelming sense of “You know you do, so quit asking” and yet, the flesh cringes and fear creeps in (ok, absolutely terrifies and envelopes) and I am caught.
The problem with sin is that it has consequences – sometimes far-reaching. The beauty of redemption and forgiveness is that they allow His light to shine, to heal, to correct, and to guide us to places we’d rather not go, but are blessed to have taken the journey once it’s over.
I’ve had several comments (not on the blog… boooo on people who won’t comment there) about my last post regarding the level of detail – or lack thereof – leaving a lot to the imagination. Well, quite honestly, it’s not just my sin – there are others involved which I will protect at all costs – and if I may be blunt, the sin is not the point. The healing, the love, the growth, the breaking out of 20-year sin cycles – His glory reigning in and over that situation – HE is the point. So rein your imaginations in – you’ll not get the details – they are not the point.
Continuing on from the last post, I talked to my pastor on a Tuesday. That Wednesday, I found myself in a position of asking for forgiveness from the one I hurt. Further proof that He is doing amazing things in my heart; that it has become more humble and unable to stand a wrong done to someone… I’ve had some difficult conversations in my life – we all have – but this one ranks right on up there in the top 5. Many tears and a couple of hours later, His light had further strengthened in me and another arrow had been knocked loose.
Don’t get me wrong – this was only achieved by Him and His grace. My obedience was part of it, my willingness to humble myself was part of it – but the desperate need to right a wrong, to repent and receive forgiveness – those are the things that drove me past my fear and into His light. As we talked, His Word absolutely exploded and He was glorified. His Word tells us that He turns all things for good for those who love Him – believe it, for it is Truth.
That Friday, the same friend and I ran out for Chinese take out. Check out the fortune cookies:
Who says He can’t speak through ancient Chinese wisdom? He is the LORD Almighty – He can do whatever He pleases, and praise Him for it!
“Do I really have to do this?” Silence. An overwhelming sense of “You know you do, so quit asking” and yet, the flesh cringes and fear creeps in (ok, absolutely terrifies and envelopes) and I am caught.
The problem with sin is that it has consequences – sometimes far-reaching. The beauty of redemption and forgiveness is that they allow His light to shine, to heal, to correct, and to guide us to places we’d rather not go, but are blessed to have taken the journey once it’s over.
I’ve had several comments (not on the blog… boooo on people who won’t comment there) about my last post regarding the level of detail – or lack thereof – leaving a lot to the imagination. Well, quite honestly, it’s not just my sin – there are others involved which I will protect at all costs – and if I may be blunt, the sin is not the point. The healing, the love, the growth, the breaking out of 20-year sin cycles – His glory reigning in and over that situation – HE is the point. So rein your imaginations in – you’ll not get the details – they are not the point.
Continuing on from the last post, I talked to my pastor on a Tuesday. That Wednesday, I found myself in a position of asking for forgiveness from the one I hurt. Further proof that He is doing amazing things in my heart; that it has become more humble and unable to stand a wrong done to someone… I’ve had some difficult conversations in my life – we all have – but this one ranks right on up there in the top 5. Many tears and a couple of hours later, His light had further strengthened in me and another arrow had been knocked loose.
Don’t get me wrong – this was only achieved by Him and His grace. My obedience was part of it, my willingness to humble myself was part of it – but the desperate need to right a wrong, to repent and receive forgiveness – those are the things that drove me past my fear and into His light. As we talked, His Word absolutely exploded and He was glorified. His Word tells us that He turns all things for good for those who love Him – believe it, for it is Truth.
That Friday, the same friend and I ran out for Chinese take out. Check out the fortune cookies:
- My friend’s – Truth is a torch that gleams through the fog without dispelling it
- Mine – You gain strength when you stop and look fear in the face
Who says He can’t speak through ancient Chinese wisdom? He is the LORD Almighty – He can do whatever He pleases, and praise Him for it!
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