day 12 - community

My community group is amazing. Out of all of the groups, I believe that we are the most random group of people ever, and it’s really cool. In typical God fashion, this night we discussed prayer, specifically:

• Why don’t we approach His throne of grace with confidence?


• Why are we afraid to ask Him for the big things?


• Why are we afraid to ask Him for specifics (that wasn’t one that was thrown out there, just one circling in my mind)


• What do we do during the wait?


• What do we do when he says, “No.”?


• Do we really believe that He is good?


• My question – what do we do when we don’t hear a thing?

Of course, on the night we discuss prayer, guess who has nothing to say? That would be yours truly. The self-proclaimed warrior of God. The intercessor. The one who always urges and pushes for prayer… yep, I had nada. I listened for once, mainly because I feel so defeated and jaded right now, battling with this whole moving thing. I didn’t want my twisted thoughts to plant any cynical seeds in the others. It was great, because He ministered to me through what our leaders, Bryan and Misty, had to say. Admittedly, I had to fight a lot of self-defense mechanisms trying to kick into place, but He was able to get past me (imagine that…) and speak to my heart and my bruised spirit through them. I praised His name last night for my community, and I will do it again tonight. Hallelujah to the King!

After cg tonight, my friend Ashley came up to me and asked if she could tell me a story. (I asked her if I could put this on my blog, even though it’s her story to tell…) She said that the Lord has brought to mind this story for the past few days and she finally figured out why tonight – she was supposed to tell me. How cool is that? I won’t get all the details straight, but the gist will be accurate.

She went through a season when she was not hearing from the Lord, same as I am now. She knew she was called to missions, but He had not given her any specifics yet. That summer, she was serving in Honduras, and was attending church one night. The relevant side note here is that she is deathly afraid of the dark, and this was a night service. Well, a thunderstorm blew through and the lights went out. She was in the middle of a foreign country with her biggest fear thrown in her face. She kept searching for her flashlight that she knew was not there, and the Lord stopped her. He told her that she didn’t need the crutch of the light. As she grew calmer, she heard the voices of the children inside the church, singing louder and louder to Him. She said that she learned that in times of His silence, she just sings that much louder.

That is a beautiful picture of faith and perseverance – and love. He loved her through her fear, and she loved Him through hers. That wraps so beautifully with the post from last night, because all I know to do now is to stand – to sing His praises no matter what.

Of course, this wraps beautifully to the Scripture for today – Luke 5:17-26 - 17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. 20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." 21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?" 22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."

Josh points out in the 30 days that one of two things had to take place for the end result to occur – the paralytic’s friends had to offer to help him, or he had to ask for it. I would not let my community minister to me until the very end – who says the oldest is the wisest? But minister they did, and another horrible day has ended with me refueled, restored, loved and encouraged – and ready to keep standing.

I will say it again – PRAISE YOU, JESUS!

day 13 - stand

Acts 2:42-47 - 42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Father, thank You for the Ring community. Thank You for allowing me to be a part of it. Thank You for allowing me to witness the birth of a brand new baby church, that we are healthy and growing more like You from day one. Thank You for the amazing men and women that I am surrounded by on a daily basis. Thank You for the relationships and the different ways You reveal Yourself through them. Thank You for our leadership and the grace that constantly flows in and through their lives. Thank You for their hearts for You and Your people. Thank You for the amazing support systems that we have within this community – that You have provided for all of our needs through this Body and through Your Son. I am amazed, humbled, incredibly blessed and blown away by it all. Thank You for the times of struggle, when we can come along side one another and journey together, to fight for one another, to love one another, to learn and sharpen one another.

I am blessed beyond measure. I am so excited I can’t hardly stand it. My heart is bursting with love and joy and full recognition of just how blessed I am, and how blessed we are as a community. It’s all from You, for You, and I cannot get over how awestruck I am to be allowed to be part of it all.

In the end, with or without the Ring, I am Yours. It is my privilege to be a part of what You’re doing in this time, and in this place. Thank You for that, Father. Thank You for the Cross, for without it, we would be eternally lost, separated from You. There cannot be a worse possible outcome than that truth. Thank You for Your love, for Your constant pursuit, for Your constant and faithful presence. Thank You for the living water that is Your Word, Your Life, Your Love and Your Truth. Thank You, Father, for guiding us every step of the way. Thank You that we can trust You with out hearts, with our lives, and our loves, because we are reflections of You. Thank You for Your wisdom, power and might that is given to us by Your Holy Spirit. Thank You, Counselor, for Your steadfastness, patience and grace. We, not one, are worthy of You, or of Your blood. Thank You for that shed blood, that through it we are made into one Body, likeminded and hearts meshed.

“Amazing Love, how can it be that You, my King, would die for me?”

Praise You, Jesus.

day 14 - empowered

I’m walking through a pretty tough season right now, and I’ve never been more confused or at odds Spiritually in my life... well, almost. I came as close to my head exploding as I’ve ever come in Sunday School this morning. I had several people, ALL of whom I love, respect and trust implicitly, give me conflicting “advice” about this situation and I about lost my mind. They did not intend to cause such anxiety – most of it was banter – but this is so important to me that I’m hyper-sensitive to what they were saying – and I was almost in tears, although they won’t know that until they read this.

Jesus told me this would be Him and me, and I should have known better than to ever bring it up, but I was desperate. I guess I should fill in a little detail so that this makes any kind of sense at all. I hate even writing about this. The anxiety level is still way high, even though He is slowly sorting everything out…

Before I moved to my current home, I was living with my sister. Long story short, I moved to Texas after my divorce and was called home out of an ungodly relationship into Life. I moved home and lived with my sister and her children. I lived there 13 months, and when she and her husband decided to save their marriage, it was time for me to go. If there is one thing I fear, it is stepping even slightly outside of His will for my life. I know what it’s like outside that “ring” and it sucks. I NEVER want to be there again… which explains my current anxiety, but I’m getting ahead of the story.

I was beside myself – everywhere I looked did not work out for one reason or another. My brother-in-law was ready to move back home and I had to get out. One morning, I made coffee and went outside and sat on the porch, and refused to pray. I needed to hear from Him, and I was not going to tell Him for the 586,926th time that I needed a place to live. He knew, and I needed to hear, so I shut up, for once, and listened. I had been praying for closed doors – desperate for His will and not mine. He told me that I had been asking Him to close doors. Then He asked me a question. He asked me if I had ever bothered to ask Him to open any… I didn’t answer – I didn’t say a word – I got up, got dressed, drove here “on accident” (I had no clue this place existed) and as soon as my foot hit the ground when I got out of the truck, I knew I was home. I had no idea what the apartments looked like, much less how much they cost – I only knew I was home, and that I would be here for 2 years.

Which leads me to my current dilemma… said time period is up and I cannot hear Him. I don’t want to go the legalistic route – this is what He said and I’m sticking to it, no matter what – nor will I make a decision without hearing from Him – clearly hearing from Him… and I’m not hearing much. No peace, no dialogue, not much of anything but anxiety and fear – both of which I know are not from Him, and I know He hates that I’m doing this to myself.

I know this is a leap of faith and it’s draining me. I know in the end all will be well and He will prove Himself faithful once again… but in the meantime, this is a very bad time for me. He’s showing me little by little what He wants from me, but I find myself even doubting the little bit that He has shown me… I want so desperately only His best for my life, and I know that He is pleased by that sincere desire. I think my biggest hang-up is that I am afraid that I am subconsciously finding a solution because I have not heard from Him, and that thought terrifies me. Fear is the running theme here and I recognize that. I know His Word says that He has not given us a Spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). I know this to be true, but applying that Truth is an altogether different thing.

The Scripture for today is Acts 5:12-16 - 12The apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon's Colonnade. 13No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. 14Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number. 15As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter's shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. 16Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by evil[a] spirits, and all of them were healed.

I have a couple of thoughts that tie this passage into the situation I’m in right now. I believe that fear is a spiritual disease – it is not of God. I’m in a battle and I can’t fight for myself. But I can let Him fight for me. The second thing is that these people had faith that even the SHADOW of Peter falling on them would heal them. That’s amazing, outrageous faith. As Josh points out in today’s discussion in the 30 days, He is from everlasting to everlasting. The church is as empowered today as it was back then. His Spirit is ready, His heart is willing, He is able… why is that so dang hard to apply to this situation?

Lord, please, I beg You to remove me and the fear that surrounds me. I need Youdesperately. Please forgive my lack of faith - please make Your wll for my life clear so that I may follow readily. I am only but waiting for Your direction - the next marching order. Father, please. I love You, I praise You, and I ask these things in the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN

day 15 - constant

Man, do I miss the sound of rain falling through the leaves of my hickory tree outside my bedroom. It’s raining outside right now, and it’s just different. The music has changed. I can’t wait until spring arrives. Ok, so I know that the trees are already budding out and the azaleas are in full bloom in JANUARY (!!!), but I miss the music of my leaves.

Speaking of rain, Nate wrote an awesome post about being soaked through and through – saturated – by Christ. What a beautiful, amazing, glorious thought! Man, oh man! What beautiful imagery comes to mind! It brings to mind the picture from The Shawshank Redemption, when Andy escapes and has his arms raised in victory and gratitude.

It seems I’m stuck on that movie. There’s so much depth to it. I’ll try not to harp on it too long, or I’ll bore all of us… Andy escaped because all he had was time. He didn’t fight where he was – wrongfully incarcerated and horribly abused – he had a mission, and it did not matter how long it took. In other words, he had hope.

He not only had hope, he gave others hope - Red, in particular. That’s how we, as a community of believers, are supposed to function. We are each uniquely gifted by the Holy Spirit, and that gift is not ours – it is not meant for our edification or benefit. We are meant to seek Him, allow Him to develop our gifts and then to use them for the good of everyone else. He pours into us so that we can pour Him into others. He fills us up so that we can pour out His love and grace and hope into each other, and into the world. We are called to be lights in dark places, and those places can be within or outside the Body of Christ.

The obvious example is my gifting. I am an intercessor, and I’m meant to intercede for others – never myself – that’s Someone Else’s job. I know and love other intercessors, and what is so very cool about that is that none of us look the same. We don’t pray the same, we don’t see the same things, we are assigned to different people, but we share the same gift. We get to live and learn together, and we get to serve together.

Today’s Scripture is 2 Timothy 1:3-6 - 3I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. 4Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. 5I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. 6For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.

Verse 3 is, in essence, what I do. He brings someone on my heart, and I pray. Pretty simple until the radar goes off the charts… what gives me hope is that He is constant, unfailing, faithful and true - especially when we are not. That is the very essence of love - He is LOVE - He cannot be any other way. His constancy challenges me onward to Him - my desire is to be just like Him, and man, do I have a lot of work to do! And even more work to ask Him to do... and to be willing to let Him work... even when it HURTS.

The point of all our giftings is to point people to Him. He works through His Bride, reaching out into a hurting world for those who He is still steadfastly pursuing. The community I so dearly love is one that deeply desires to be His, to make disciples, to reach the nations... none of that could happen within the Ring without each one of us individually seeking Him through prayer, worship, meditation of His word, and encouraging and sharpening each other. We are charged by Jesus to GO. We could not do that without hope, without each other, without Him.

day 16 - fully His?

The world has gone and gotten itself in a big damn hurry.

- Brooks
The Shawshank Redemption

I watched The Shawshank Redemption the other night with new eyes and ears. It made me wonder about a lot of things. Tonight, I find myself questioning why I’m always in a hurry. The hard answer, but most likely the honest one, is that my life still revolves around me.

Today’s Scripture is Luke 5:17-26 – 17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. 20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." 21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?" 22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."

I am surrounded by an amazing community of believers – of committed Christians that truly desire to live it out. I am loved deeply by many people. I love my community deeply.

Why, do you suppose, do I still focus so much on myself and not on my neighbors? Why am I in such a hurry? My mom and I were talking the other night after Bible study. She has just finished a book I gave her for Christmas, The Sacred Romance, by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. She really likes, as do I, the reminder that one of the reasons we are so dissatisfied with life is because it is not as it’s meant to be. We are so far from Eden.

I think I’m trying to get through this life as fast as I can. Maybe the bumps in the road won’t hurt as much if I’m flying over them… kinda like jumping railroad tracks. I realize this post contradicts a lot of my posts that relish in the journey… but they are reflections of the same heart.

At what point am I going to become fully His, living and loving as He calls me to? I’m headed in His direction – I just need to slow it down a notch or three. Or five…

It just occured to me that He and I had this conversation at the beginning of the new year. He told me to slow it down. I guess He meant it...

day 17 - free

I find I am so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel... a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.

I hope I can make it across the border.
I hope to see my friend and shake his hand.
I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams.

I hope.

- Red
The Shawshank Redemption

Philippians 4:18-19

I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Praise You, Jesus.

day 18 - unfettered

Looked up “unfettered” and really liked the definition:

un.fet.tered (adjective) - Not restricted – not subject to limitations

Hmmm… another side of Him that I love.

No hang-up’s. No rules. No imperfections. No unfaithfulness. No lies. No betrayal. Not bound by law or religion or ANYTHING. Awesomely good stuff.

I think a natural characteristic of a bold, Type A, big-personality person such as myself has a tendency towards pride. It’s a constant battle.

Not that I consider myself arrogant or stuck up – I think it’s more that I expect so much from myself that I transfer those expectations onto the people in my life. I’m much better than I used to be, praise the Lord, but I still have a long way to go, for sure.

The Scripture for today is Luke 4:1-8: “1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, 2where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.

3The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread." 4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'[a]" 5The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7So if you worship me, it will all be yours." 8Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'[b]"

The second attack is pride – although I admit I don’t truly understand this passage – but I can identity with the temptation of pride. Pride is a limitation of the worse kind. Not only is it self-serving, deceptive and a sin, it keeps us ineffective for the Kingdom by taking our eyes and hearts off the Lord.

day 19 - wild

Describing God as wild may be disconcerting to some people. That’s ok – let’s look at this side of Him and see what He wants to show us.

Wildness connotes an inability to be tamed. I can go with that. It also connotes a fierce independence. I hold no exception to that, either. It implies ferocity and unpredictability – that’s where it starts to get a little uncomfortable. Wildness suggests cunning and perseverance – my heart does not hesitate long on that. It implies an ability to be alone, and lonely. It suggests an ability to be silent and still. Hmmmm…

God’s Word says that we are created in His image, by Him and for Him. What does this wild characteristic of Him say about us?

Let’s look at the adjectives as a list:

• Inability to be tamed


• Fierce independence


• Ferocity


• Unpredictability


• Cunning


• Perseverance


• Ability to be alone


• Loneliness


• Silence


• Stillness

Now, that’s a God I can relate to. That’s a God I can trust. That’s a God I can depend on to protect and defend and to love…

I had a slight altercation with the reverend after my cousin’s funeral. Not only did I feel like this man had the audacity to judge my cousin’s heart, but the god he tried to introduce to my grieving family was dry as dust, cold and uncaring, sitting somewhere on a throne, looking down with boredom and not wanting to be bothered. He offered absolutely no hope to my grieving family, and I was pierced at their level of grief. I don’t know who his god is, but he’s not my God. My God is all these things listed above and so much more. This is a man that I have to trust to minister and speak Truth to my family... let me just say that I don't have much peace about that.

What’s the deal – who came up with – the phrase “personal relationship with God”? Can we erase that phrase from the books, please? My family looked back at the reverend with absolute blank stares and no hope – no desire to meet this god, much less have a “personal relationship” with him… can I tell you that I have never been so… horrified to be associated by the label of Christian to this man and his god. Religion sucks.

I was having a hard time figuring out how this was going to tie in to today’s Scripture. As always, it wraps back around beautifully: Acts 1:8 – “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

It is my belief that evangelical zealots, or dry as dust reverands - do more damage to the world’s perception of the Church than good. That belief stems from being screamed at on college campuses by well-meaning(?) “Christians” and “convicted” churches that target bars or teenage hangouts, or anywhere, for that matter. What happened to just living it out, boldly and without fear or judgment? What happened to His call to LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS – not scream in their faces, for crying out loud (no pun intended)? Or worse – total lack of intimacy with the Father from one that is held to a higher standard by giving his life to the ministry. The ministry of what, may I ask? A ministry of formulas, committees, committees on committees, personal relationships with a dry as dust god? No way.

Father, we need You so much. Forgive me if i have misjudged the reverand's ability to minister to my family - I'm a little touchy about stuff like that... Forgive me for failing to represent you even close to adequately. Father, please step in and touch our hearts with the absolute truth of Your passionate, wild, unfailing love.

day 2o - dangerous

We looked at Ephesians 6 in Sunday School yesterday. I’m stuck on verse 10 – “Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in his mighty power.” I threw out a question to the class, trying to understand the “correct” balance of importunity and humility, and trying to understand what the true goal of intercession is, since satan is a created being, and his attacks are allowed to come against us. There were 2 answers that resonated with me. One was that in no way is us praying to Him going against His divine plan, nor can we screw up His perfect will. The other is that we too often give satan too much credit, and that he comes in and complicates things – whether it’s a thought process, division in a Body, dysfunction in a family – these situations are exacerbated by the ultimate deceiver.

If there is one word I would use to describe myself, it would be “bold”. I have been warned about praying boldly… and I have been told on occasion that I don’t listen very well. I am very bold, and it is going to cause change and growth and strengthening and fear and love and peace and overflowing joy. I adamantly refuse to cower in ungodly fear before Him. I am not afraid of Him – I will not allow it. I may get spooked every now and again - I may tuck my heart away for a few days, taking a time-out - I may cry for mercy, flat on my back – but I will not cower. I refuse to believe the lies of the deceiver that try to say that He is not good, that He is holding out on me, that He has forgotten or is mad at me. Forget that. He is not safe - He is good - but He is not safe at all, and to think so diminishes our ability to percieve Him in any real way.

Yes, my boldness gets me in trouble from time to time, but at least I’m after Him and that in no way displeases Him. Yes, He reins me in from time to time, and that is as it should be. But the Truth is that my strength is not my own – it comes from Him – from His mighty power that exists within me.

The ultimate goal of any Christian is to become like Christ. I know – I readily admit – that I really don’t know what that looks like. I see bits and pieces of Him in my community – smaller parts of the Whole. Satan wants nothing more that to smash that picture into a thousand irrecoverable pieces. He loves to come in and complicate every aspect of our lives – and most of the time, I let him get away with it, at least for a little while. Then the Lord will speak truth to my heart in one way or another, and the complication becomes a milestone in my journey with the Lord.

The Scripture for today is I Corinthians 12:7 – “Now to each one, the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” I take that to mean that I’m to fight for the Body of Christ, trusting Him to protect me Himself, or through someone else. Sometimes, that fight is not for the super-faith healings and it’s not against anything – sometimes, it’s seeing the big picture through His lens and understanding that brokenness is a necessity in our lives as Christians. Sometimes that view is given to another and they are prompted to share. I can promise you this – He is actively pursuing our hearts and the enemy of God is actively trying to complicate things. I believe, intercession, at its core, is praying the will of God – no matter what it looks like.

My pastor made the statement a while back that a gathering of believers should be the most dangerous room in the city. Forget the "bad" parts of town, forget the jails - the Church, functioning as intended - is far more powerful and effective than any enemy we may have. As we journey this road toward Him together, and as we allow Him access to the deep places within, He changes us more into His likeness, He manifests His Spirit in our lives in ways that make absolutely no sense to the world. That's OK. When we, as the Body, reach into the lives of each other and into the lives around us, we show different aspects of His character - even the unpopular, not-so-warm-and-fuzzy dangerous side of Him. I am not challenged by that - I'm encouraged immensely.

day 21 - brokenness

I’ve had conversation after conversation this weekend, with all manner of people involved in the Ring, and to the very last one of them – unsolicited - we all have this sense of urgency to pray - to come together physically in prayer. I’ve said that He’s told me to pray without ceasing. He has not stopped.

Can you imagine what that would look like? How glorious that would be? Can you imagine His people coming together, broken before Him, praying this church into existence? Can you imagine the power that could be unleashed if we would just stop, take a time out, and beg Him to reign His Kingdom down as a community of believers? As a Body, we are corporately crying out to the Lord, raising our voices in unison every day to Him. That is such a beautiful snapshot of what a community of believers is supposed to look like. How much more so if we came together physically? "Where two or three are gathered in my name..."

A good friend of mine said that He has shown her to pray for brokenness. He also showed her that the spiritual activity going on is allowed by Him for a reason and we should be thanking Him for the attacks against us, that we should be grateful for the brokenness being brought about by these attacks – some very intense and personal. That is a pretty hard concept to wrap your brain around – and what’s even crazier is that she is definitely not the only one who He has told that to.

I quipped in the last post, thanking Josh for praying for brokenness, because I am at a breaking point. I don’t think it’s the same type of brokenness that they are praying for – I’m at my wits end, not being able to hear anything specific from Him other than an intensifying urgency to pray AS A BODY. Serious, concentrated prayer – a good, old-fashioned prayer meeting is what He is showing me.

Dare I say it? Could it possibly happen? Could we really walk the walk? Here’s my question – What’s to stop us from praying for the next 20 days, together, as a Body? What are 20 days compared to what He could accomplish through us? What are 20 days out of our lives in the grand scheme of things? What are 20 days worth – are they worth us praying into existence a healthy, functioning baby church, such as the Elders have been envisioning for 8 years?

I’m not suggesting that He can’t make that happen without us having a prayer meeting for the next 20 days – He absolutely can. But what an opportunity to be a part of something so much larger than ourselves! What a privilege to be allowed to be a part of unleashing His Spirit all over this church and this Body! We are participating individually in the 30 Days of Prayer, and this is definitely not meant to demean that, or to take away from the power and sincerity of those prayers, but how much more could we be a part of what’s happening if we came together in prayer? Like the apostles, we say we desire to devote ourselves to prayer...

I’ve come to a place where He is demanding more of me, and I don’t know what it is. He wants to communicate with me on a deeper lever, and I am at a loss where to start. One thing I am sure of – He is faithful, and He will show me what He wants. I believe He’s already set that in motion. We’ll see.

The Scripture for today is Philippians 3:12-14 – one of my favorites: “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

It wraps beautifully in with what He has laid so heavily on my heart. Prayer is work. Birthing a church is work. We cannot do it without Him – I would not normally be so bold, but this I am sure of – we do not want to do this without Him. I want to press on – to press into HIM – I want to take hold of what He called us to the Ring, and to HIM, to accomplish. My Spirit is straining toward Him. If that’s the brokenness my friends have been praying for this Body – to be unified in that brokenness - then I’m in.

Lord, let it be so.

day 22 - YET i will praise the LORD

I was told somewhere along the way that He never wastes a hurt. It’s cool to see that come to fruition. We serve a very efficient God – He gets a lot of mileage out of our experiences, long after we think we’re past them and have moved on.

I had dinner with a friend of mine tonight. She’s one of those “Spirit” friends – the kind of friendship that is from Him and does not require constant attention or maintenance to continue to grow and strengthen. It’s amazing, actually, when I think about how many of these types of friendships I really have… Anyway, we have not spent any meaningful time together in quite a while. She called me out of the blue last night, needing guidance in a situation she is walking through.

I’ve been in the situation she’s in now, and it is no fun. The cool part about this is that she gets the benefit of my experience to help guide her along the way. It makes having gone through an incredibly painful experience much better knowing He’s getting a lot of mileage out of it, and I got to help my friend, to offer her sound advice and hope and peace that only comes from Him.

There is reciprocity here, as well. I was having a terrible day – too tired from a really crappy week to go hang out with my community, too unsettled to watch TV or read or even pray. I ended up sleeping most of the day. He brought me to mind last night, knowing what this day would be like for me and knowing that my love for her would pull me out of my self-indulgent pout back into Life.

I seem to be sliding off the mountaintop, through the valley and headed straight for the desert. We sing a song in church - “from the mountain, to the valley, may our praises rise to You…” I used to envision the world at creation when singing that song, similar to C.S. Lewis’ The Magician’s Nephew, when Aslan is singing the world into existence. It spoke to me of the vastness of His love and His people singing His praises throughout the earth. Now, I hear new meaning in that song. It speaks to me of Spiritual mountains and valleys, ala David in the Psalms. His emotions were all over the place – one psalm he’s praising the Lord with all he has in him, and the next he’s seemingly about to keel over in his intense agony and need for the Lord. I understand David more now than I ever have. I should have expected to crash and burn – it happens to the best of us after an intense encounter with the Lord. There’s no way to maintain that kind of high for long.

Today’s Scripture is Psalm 63 – quoted, coincidentally, a few posts back (day 25 – contrition – how cool is that?). Today is meant to be a day of reflection and gratitude. I just wasn’t feeling it – readily admitting that faith and my love for the Lord is not based on feelings. I need Him to let up or call the enemy off – whichever it is – I’m at a breaking point. Thanks, Josh, for praying for brokenness last Sunday at the Ring…

I know times of brokenness are inevitable; that they are incredibly fruitful times. It’s also very easy to forget how much it sucks to be here. So this day is about standing firm (even when I am flat on my back, Spiritually speaking) – a day where I will say, “And YET I will praise the LORD.”

day 23 - importunity

I looked up “importunity” again tonight, and I could not help but laugh when I saw the definitions:

im.por.tu.ni.ty (noun)

• wearisome persistence


• the fact of being troublesomely demanding or insistent


• persistent demand


• a demand made repeatedly or insistently

Jesus advocates this type of behavior when he is teaching his disciples how to pray in Luke 11:5-8. This is further reinforced in James 4:2, Isaiah 59:16, Isaiah 64:7, and my favorite, Isaiah 62:6-7 – “I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the Lord, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth.” (I’d like to encourage you to look up the other Scripture references mentioned here – they are fascinating.)

He’s been telling me to “pray without ceasing.” That would be a direct quote from the LORD. He started telling me that when I arrived at the hospital in Knoxville, and He has not stopped. The problem with that is I don’t know who or what to pray for. Lately, the only thing definite that He’s shown me is that He is in charge and that I’m to pray for His will to be accomplished… My Spirit has been jumping like crazy – it is as I write this – but I don’t know who, what, why or how. It’s quite frustrating, actually. Maybe it’s a smokescreen from satan…

Now, I’m a person who likes specificity. I like to be told how to pray for someone or something. I think that’s the warrior in me. I like to know my battles – what I’m up against.  I’ve heard stories about intercessors who can “read someone’s mail.” They hear specifics about someone and serve as sort of a Spiritual seeing-eye dog for whomever they are assigned to. I’m not quite that fine-tuned into His voice yet. I have some people on my Spiritual radar, and I hear so clearly exactly what He wants them to do, where He wants them to be, how they need to pray – really specific stuff, and it is knowledge that is not mine – it has to be from Him. And, it’s knowledge about random friends in random situations. But lately it comes and goes – like there is a switch on the radar and Someone is having a good time flipping it on and off. Weird, huh? Anything odd is God – that’s my motto.

What’s cool and frustrating about this current state of events is that He’s not allowing me to “see” or “hear” specifics. I’m fully dependent on Him to do what needs to be done – He just wants me to pray. Honestly, I hate this place. (gasp) OK, so that’s not quite true, but it’s incredibly frustrating – have I mentioned that I’m frustrated yet???

I have this sense of urgency – this knowing that something big is going on and I don’t have a clue. I like having a clue. I think He’s showing me importunity without specifics. What’s that about? I’m searching my radar desperately, needing to know who needs what, and I’m getting hardly anything. I’ll be glad when I figure this one out. This particular lesson is getting old. Yeah, I know – down with the flesh. And yes, I know – this is not about me. Blegh.

The Scripture for today is 1 Corinthians 12:27 – “Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a part of it.” I think I’m a hand… constantly tugging at Him for answers, or raised in battle against the enemy of God. According to everything I can find in Scripture, He likes that kind of stuff. It hasn’t felt like it lately, for sure, but I know He’s trying to show me something BIG. I think I’ll do a jig around the living room with the dog when this particular lesson is learned…

OK, so enough whining. He is in control of this, and may He receive ALL the glory for EVERYTHING in my life. To God be the GLORY – even when I can’t see – He can, and He is glorified. May His name be praised in all the earth.

day 24 - opposition

It figures that on a day when we, the Ring, are praying together against the enemy, that he would decide to step it up. My Spirit has been jumpy all day. Usually when this happens to me, I pray through it and my heart finally lands on what He wants me to pray about. He’s shown me several situations just today that only His power can overcome.

One thing I’ve learned about the enemy of God is that he hates us. He is a created being. As such, he has to get permission to come against the children of God. If he truly has stepped it up, then it’s being allowed by his Maker.

Why does He allow the enemy to come against us? Well, there are a couple of reasons that come to mind. There is the whole sin issue. We live in a fallen world. Even through we are covered by the Blood of Christ, and are seen in His eyes as the Righteousness of Christ, we are surrounded by sin, surrounded by pawns who he will use against us.

There are also times when He allows us to be attacked to strengthen us, to grow us, to make us stronger in our dependence on the Father.

The good news in any situation is that he is fighting a battle that has already been lost. And he knows it. And it pisses him off. And it makes him desperate and vicious. Jesus knew all about this – He experienced it firsthand:

Luke 4:1-4

1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, 2where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread."
4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'[a]”

Where did satan attack first? At the most obvious point of weakness – His hunger – His physical need. Where does he attack you first? What do you struggle with that you can’t seem to overcome?

God’s Word tells us that we can overwhelmingly conquer the things in this life that keep us from Him. Jesus is not a hand’s off Leader – He has been there, done that. And He overcame.

You can overcome anything through Christ. Refuse to listen to the lies of the enemy. Listen, instead, for the Voice of your Shepard. He will counsel you, guide you, lead you every step of the way – to Him.

day 25 - contrition

When I said, a couple of posts back, that YHWH put me in my place, I meant it. I told Josh the other day that if I ever had any doubt as to the veracity or authenticity of my faith, of my salvation, or of my relationship with the Father, they have been stripped away. I am laid bare before Him, broken and contrite. As David writes, “Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.” (Psalm 2:11-12)

The conversation went something like this:

God: OK, little bold one. Child of Mine. Reign it in. We’re doing this My way.
Me: Father, please. I’ve accepted Your will – your answer is no. Have mercy on my family. Take him quickly. Please.
God: [Silence]
Me: Father, please. Have mercy. (tears begin as I weep before Him)
God: [Silence]
Me: Mercy, Father. Mercy. Please.
God: [Silence]
Me: Father… (sound of breaking heart) Your will. Your will be done, now and always.
God: Good. Now We’re getting somewhere. Stand up, daughter.

Yeah, it sucked for me, too… and this is the abbreviated version. It seemed like such an inappropriate time for Him to reveal that side of Himself. But I’ve walked with Him long enough to know that He does everything for a reason. I went there to pray for healing. I prayed specifically for healing - to intercede for Bill’s life. I know now I was interceding for his soul.

Since I’ve been home, He won’t let me pick up a book on intercession. He won’t let me pray in my Bible studies. We’re doing it His way. He’s chosen to teach me Himself how He wants me to intercede for others. Which, in the grand scheme of things, is awesome and humbling. Right now, He’s walking me through some missteps I’ve taken along the way. He’s assured me that He’s going to fix everything - every stupid, overly-bold thing I’ve said and done - but I get to get heart-checked along the way.

Gretzky-style.

I read David’s words differently now.

Psalm 51

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 63

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

So far, the countdown posts have been seemingly self-focused, but He manages to tie them in beautifully with the 30 days. This post is about contrition – about confession – and about prayer. And it’s about selflessness. Along this back-track, He pointed out a post that, although intended to be a first-line defense – a bold stance against the enemy – managed to be an arrogant line drawn in the sand – one He did not tell me to draw, and one that may have brought more misery than necessary on this Body that I so dearly love. The text for today is Luke 5:17-26:

17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."

One of the points made by Luke in this passage is that the paralytic’s friends put his needs before their own. They went to great lengths to see him healed. They were selfless. This post is selfless in the sense that I know I have to confess my stupidity, ask and receive His forgiveness, and He’s been very clear that I’m to do it corporately. Let me be clear – I am not cowering in defeat before the enemy, nor am I arrogantly assuming that all the spiritual warfare going on is because of me. I am humbling myself before my church, asking for their grace, and preparing to stand alongside them once more, fighting this time with Him in the lead.

Psalm 45:

3 Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness;
let your right hand display awesome deeds.

Your will, Father, now and always.

day 26 - not this time, snake

I didn’t have a clue where this post was going until just now. I love it when He does that.

I just received an email from my cousin’s stepson. We met at the funeral, and he is overjoyed at the prospect of a whole other family – people who will love him, no matter what. Well, I’m ashamed to admit it, but that statement does not correctly describe the hearts of my family. What he’s looking for, and does not yet know, is the family of God. It’s up to me to show him.

Apparently, the Lord is not done with this whole adventure yet…

Bill’s stepson has decided to continue the “tradition” of forwarding, um, worldly joke emails in “honor” of Bill. That creates a dilemma for me. I’ll be the first to admit I used to invade people’s inboxes on a daily basis, not with bawdy jokes, but with funny forwards, prayer chains and the like. Well, somewhere along the way, I realized that it really was an invasion and that there was no possible way for 25 people to read 200 prayer requests everyday… so I stopped, much to the relief of the recipients, I’m sure. Most people responded in kind, and stopped forwarding emails to me when they stopped receiving emails from me. There were some that held out, and I had to gently ask them to please stop. By far and large, most have honored that request and everything is kosher.

The week before Bill died, I received an email from him. It was a forward – one about letters from children to God – an example would be, “Dear God – are you invisible, or is that a trick?” Cute enough that I thought about some friends of mine that have a heart for small children that I was considering sending it to. Then I decided I wasn’t going to break my own “forward” rule, so I started to delete it. No biggie – I delete forwards all the time from the few stubborn holdouts. I seriously had my cursor over the delete button and hesitated. I had a thought that this might be the last email from Bill. Little did I ever dream that I was absolutely correct.

The thing about Bill’s forwards to me is that they were never the raunchy kind. They were always “religious” emails – some dead on about salvation and intimacy with the Father. He knew who I am and what I’m about, so he kept them clean.

Now I have a new renegade forwarder to… handle? How do I adequately represent myself in such a way that I don’t turn him off, or turn him away, or do anything that makes me look like the judgmental churchy-type? How do I respect my own eyes and inbox and still be responsible with His reputation? The answer? Love him. That’s all I know to do.

So, my faithful readers, how in the world am I going to tie this in with today’s Scripture? Well, let me just tell you. Luke 21:1-4 says this:

1As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.[a] 3"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

In our 30 days book, the message ends with this phrase: “he looks at the heart, always.” Those simple word struck me so deeply, at just the right time - “he looks at the heart, always.”

The continuation of Bill’s tradition of forwarding raunchy emails hit me in the heart. For a moment, before He calmed me, everything I wrote about in the last post lost all credibility – I was a fake and maybe slightly insane. Then His Truth hit me and all is well in my heart again. He sent me there for a reason. If anything, this confirms that, not refutes it. The enemy’s attempt to sideswipe me failed. The Father, to the very last, was after Bill's heart. It remains my belief that He stole it away from the enemy in those last few hours.

day 27 - shaken and stirred

My heart is slowly coming out of hiding. I’ve tucked it away, hating that it hesitates before the Lord. I had a rather intense encounter with Him Friday before last, and my heart has been limping along ever since. Articulation is normally a strong point for me, but I seem to have lost my voice. My heart feels like it’s vibrating – still shaken to the core by an encounter with the Almighty God. You know how you favor a broken limb, holding it close and hardly allowing it to move for fear of injuring it more, or experiencing more pain? Yeah, kinda like that…

He sent me on a mission. I know that as surely as I’ve known anything in my life. He called me to Knoxville to crawl onto the hospital bed and to pray over my cousin and read Scripture to him as he lay there on life support. Let me just interject here – I’ve never done anything like that in my life – never even considered the possibility of it. But yet, there I was, perched on the bed, Bible in hand, talking to Bill about a Jesus he knew about, but did not profess to know.

My hesitation to even write this is crazy. I know that I know that I KNOW that He used me in that hospital room. He touched many lives through me, and that, in and of itself, is an amazing thought. But there’s more… much more.

I refuse to be silenced by the thought that this may come across as anything but a testimony of what GOD has done. I believe with all my shaking heart that HE used me to speak to Bill’s heart. I believe that HE used me to save his soul – to give him that one last chance to be redeemed and restored to the Father.

That is an absolutely crazy thought to try to grasp. My heart can’t hardly stand it – my brain has definitely not wrapped around it. But I know it to be true. The implications of that are beyond anything that I’ve even begun to process…

What if I had said no? We do have free will, after all. I could have told the Lord He was crazy and not thought another thing about it. The thought of disobedience in this situation is absolutely terrifying. Why He would chose me, why He knew I would say yes… it’s too much for me.

I am awed. I am stirred deep within. I am shaking. My heart is vibrating – humming in my chest. Words cannot begin to describe how I feel… and it all began with a yes…

The Scripture reference for today is Matthew 4:18-22:

18As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." 20At once they left their nets and followed him.

21Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

The immediacy of their response was the key to following Christ. Had I postponed – had I waited to ponder… How often do we delay obedience by using the excuse, “let me pray about that some more”…? I am not advocating over-reaction, nor am I advocating not approaching Him in prayer. The point here is this – once you’ve heard Him, no matter how much sense it does not make – GO. Go and glorify your Lord. Be the disciple, the fisher of men, that you are called to be. He will be honored and glorified, and you will be blessed beyond measure. I hope that you take the chance – that your heart gets the chance to shake like mine…

day 28 - said bubble has burst

The Lord has had me in what I like to call an “emotional bubble” for the past few years - this to allow me to heal and to grow. My life has been pretty much devoid of any trauma – relational or otherwise – for around 3 years. Well… said bubble has burst.

It’s not so bad, really. I was wondering what it would be like, but even though some pretty intense, tough things have happened lately, I really am ok. He has brought me through it all, and I am transformed – changed – made more into His likeness – and that is worth the cost of it all. In less than 2 weeks, lives have been lost, friendships have been strengthened and affirmed, and most importantly, He has trusted me to be obedient in some seriously intense situations – and through that obedience, lives have been touched and changed by Him. My relationship with Him has changed. It’s grown and deepened and gotten way more intimate than I anticipated. But intimacy with Christ is what it’s all about, right?

This thought has been circling in me for 3 days or so – and was beautifully summed up by my pastor in prayer tonight at the Ring. We are praying to be burdened for the lost within our community – for opportunities to be Christ in the lives that we are allowed to touch. Josh prayed that he realized that when he withholds his love from others, he is actually withholding HIS love from others. Puts things into perspective, don’t you think? I could not stay in the bubble and be all that I am to be in the lives of those I love, in the lives of my coworkers, in the lives of my neighbors. Our love for others is an overflow of our love for Him:

Mark 12:30-31

30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'[f] 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[g]There is no commandment greater than these."

Matthew 9:35-38 is the reference point:

35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

In case you have noticed the countdown, and don’t have a clue what it’s about – please allow me to fill you in. We, the Ring Community Church, are bathing the last 30 days leading up to the official launch of the church in prayer. Will you pray with us?

day 29 - cry out to the LORD

Isaiah 46:9-11
9 Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
10 I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.
11 From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that will I bring about;
what I have planned, that will I do.

Isaiah 40:6
6 A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"

Acts 2:36-39
36"Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ."
37When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?"

38Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call."

Acts 4:32
32All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.

Pierced – by His beauty, by His love, by our unworthiness… a shared knowledge of Him, His sacrifice, His love, His grace and His SPIRIT. We are all covered in the same Blood – guilty of the same Blood – and restored by the same Blood. We all share the same Spirit, Who connects us in the deep places of our hearts. When we allow His truth to be fully applied and displayed in our lives - without fear - we will be of one heart and one mind. It cannot be any other way - we cannot help but become one when He invades the deep places of our hearts. This requires courage that only He can give us, courage that we have to want, to desire and to ask for - and to receive. In my experience, courage is born of desperation - for Him.

Pierced - desperate - courageous - broken enough to cry out to Him and to receive His mercy, grace and love.

What a beautiful picture of His Church... as one.

day 30 - undone

I’ve come undone, and not a moment too soon. He’s revealed Himself to me in a way that I’ve never experienced before, and in doing so, He’s yanked me back onto His path for my life.

He is holy. He is majestic. He is sovereign. He is YHWH.

I am not.

Enter Philippians 3:7-11 - 7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

These past few weeks have been about faith. I was writing a blog in my head titled, “Artifice,” because I was going through a period of cynicism and self doubt about the depth and authenticity of my faith. Before I could even get the thoughts down, He was provoking me, protecting me, proving me wrong. I am His vessel. I am His child. His Word says that He disciplines those He loves. I would add that He can discipline us anytime He chooses, even when it seems inappropriate – if you can apply appropriateness to Him and anything He does – which we cannot.

He loves us enough to reach into our hurt, into our deepest fears, into our brokenness and boldly loves us through it all. Amazing – and humbling, to be sure.

Has He ever put you in your place? I ran smack dab into the God of the Old Testament last week. I realize that He is from everlasting to everlasting, but He definitely displays parts of Himself at different times – that’s how relationships grow. I have a much healthier fear – reverential (mostly) of Him now, that I’ve never experienced before. I’m still processing a lot of it, so if this post doesn’t make any sense, I claim exhaustion, spiritual bruising and heartache.

As the women in my Bible study will attest to, I am always behind in our studies, and I always – without fail – do the material at the exact right time. We’re doing a study on Genesis and I’m back in week 2… He prompted me to pick it back up last night. Typical, typical, typical…

The title? “Anything too hard” When did the group do it? The Monday after Katrina hit. When did I do it? After watching my cousin die and encountering Him in a way I have never known Him. I’d like to quote it – it’s written by Beth Moore and is entitled, “The Patriarchs – Encountering the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”

Being God means that He gets to do what He wants…try not to think of God’s perfection as His confinement. Rather, God is free from the confinement of all imperfections. In other words, His perfection does not limit Him. It frees Him… He can choose to reveal Himself any way He wants. His revelation doesn’t have to make sense to us…God can reveal Himself through flames of fire from within a bush, through a water-gushing rock, through a commander of an army, or through a voice out of a storm. If I may be so bold, I think He rather likes the variety.

The text is Genesis 18:14 – Is anything too hard for the LORD?  May I refer you back to Philippians 3:7-11? FAITH – righteousness through faith in Jesus. It’s the only Way. He’s the only Way.