remember

i've spent a lot of time wondering why i struggle so much with really feeling a sense of belonging anywhere i've landed along this journey. it's been less intense than in the past, sort of tucked away in the recesses of my heart. it's much more of an on-going, quiet conversation between me and my Lord... and He, as always, is faithful to answer. rather, this time, He is faithful to remind...

He is faithful to remind me of all the things He used to shape me as a little girl - things that shaped my thought processes, the way i view the world, and the way i view Him. He dropped another treasure in my lap tonight in the form of a movie. we watched miss potter, and while there is much there that struck chords of dreams long forgotten, the closing line ("where i belong.") is what made me realize that i haven't spent the last 34 years trying to figure out what i'm supposed to do with my life - i've spent the last 25 or so years trying to remember:


there are times i fear i lose myself
i don't know who i am
i get caught up in the struggle and the strain
with my back against a stonewall
my finger in the dam
losin' strength and goin' down again


and i take a look around me
my eyes can't find the sun
there's nothing wild as far as i can see
then my heart turns to alaska
and freedom on the run
i can hear her spirit callin' me


to the mountains, i can rest there
to the rivers, i will be strong
to the forest, i'll find peace there
to the wild country, where i belong


oh, i know some times i worry
on worldly ways and means
and i can see the future killing me
on a misbegotten highway
of prophecies and dreams
a road to nowhere and eternity


and i know it's just changes
yes, and mankind marchin' on
i know we can't live in yesterday
but compared to what we're losin'
and what it means to me
i'd give my life and throw the rest away


to the mountains, i can rest there
to the rivers, i will be strong
to the forest, i'll find peace there
to the wild country, where i belong
i belong to the wild country...
where i belong

to the wild country
--words and music by john denver