steward

[this is definitely not a completed thought... but i am pressed to go ahead and post this. i will expound on my thoughts as they cohere.]

ok, so before you think i'm off to live a life of solitude in the mountains... as lovely as that sounds, He did not bring me here, immerse me in christian community, only to pick me up and drop me in a new place where everything of value i've learned here is lost. no, no - He has something far more grand and adventurous up His sleeve.

for me - and i can only speak for me - for me, life has become a delicate balance of loving others well and taking care of my own heart. i, me - no one else - i am responsible for how i respond to the lives i'm allowed to come alongside, whether it's for a day, a week, a couple of years, or a lifetime.

now, take that truth and apply it to all of the heartwork He's been doing lately (time is rather fluid for me, so "lately" applies to a much broader time span - about a year-ish). casting a broad stroke, He has been showing me - reminding me - of the things that make me come alive - things i care deeply about - things that i am devoted to.

in the church, much emphasis is placed on stewardship - of people, money, time, relationships - and that is certainly biblical and necessary. however, my heart beats for a different kind of stewardship - and it's just as biblical and necessary, although not as prevalent in the everyday life of a church. my heart beats for the land and the sea and the creatures... and the beautiful and glorious thing is that He has called me to this love, this responsibility, this devotion because He trusts me and believes in me - how crazy is that???

i've wondered for almost a year how mhgs and seattle fit into this picture. in short, they don't. rather, they were dots - stepping stones on the path back to my heart - that forced me to really look at my life, my heart - and be ok with what i found there. what i found is that i am not called to walk with people through the darkest hours of their lives as a profession. i certainly do that in my personal lives and loves, but my heart is not wired to be a counselor... and that's ok. it's more than ok - it's an honest assessment of who i am, and who He made me to be. i love that He demands that level of honesty and transparency from me (well, i love it most of the time...).

so the obvious question is, "what's next?" truthfully, i don't know. back to school for a master's is an option, although i'm in no way convinced that i'm to be a scientist. i find myself these days immersed in loving well (i use that phrase a lot, but it's perfectly applicable) and staying tuned into the treasures He drops in my lap, and what they are meant to show me. i've long since accepted that this part of the journey is directed step by step by Him alone, and that's as it should be.