We lay our crowns

We lay our crowns…

The Lord really spoke to me this weekend. He spoke words of love, forgiveness, patience and discipline. He spoke of dying to self and truly living for Him. He spoke to me of healing, of truly desiring to live my life for Him, and what that looks like – really looks like. It requires a heart change – a permanent shift towards Him and His likeness. A Higher Calling… we are called to Something more.

We fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus.

The greatness of His mercy and love, at the feet of Jesus.

And we cry Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lamb.

I’ve sung that song many times over the years, but Sunday morning was different. He spoke to my heart about what that means now, and what that means THEN – before the Lord.

When I began this post, my thoughts were circling around crowns of pride, ambition, self will, independence, arrogance, self blindness…

Now, they circle more around crowns of wounds – wounds that we carry around with us and refuse to lay at His feet. Or not even refuse – maybe we don’t even realize they are there until He shows them to us. John Eldredge calls them arrows. Arrows or crowns… either way, we are called to pull them out or take them off – and LAY THEM DOWN at the feet of Jesus. I wonder what our lives would look like if we really did that consistently?

I fell down Friday night. I fell into a cycle of sin that I’ve been captive to for 20 years. Desperate for His truth to be fully displayed in my life, I dug deep for the courage to ask for help. After 3 days of tears, shame and His patient love and ministering, He sent me to my pastor. We talked about many things – too much to try to record here, but one thing my pastor showed me was in these words that the Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:4-7, and He revealed them to me in a new light:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I had feared that my heart had grown numb, maybe even hard. He placed me in an emotional bubble to allow me time to heal after 30 years of fighting Him, but the length of time in said bubble was beginning to scare me. My pastor suggested that HE was guarding my heart. I believe him, and HIM. My pastor also suggested that I may be more wounded that I thought. I know that now to be true. Now that I know, I can allow Him to heal me, completely. I believe that Jesus Christ has the power to change any human life – even mine. “He is Light – there is no darkness in Him at all.” (for all you sticklers out there, I admit that may be slightly paraphrased, but you get the point)

That’s what He’s been waiting for. This particular crown has been taken off, the arrow has been pulled out, and I lay them down at His feet.

Praise the Lord. Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lamb.