oppression

August 15 – 3:19 pm

I feel like I’ve been fighting for my life - fighting on behalf of another, so that I may receive the healing and restoration that I came here so desperate for. It seems that once again, I have been so inward-focused that I have allowed the suffering around me to go unattended. Yes, I realize that those 2 statements contradict themselves. Let me explain.

I have been fighting several oppressive spirits here. Not all out and out war, but more of a recognition that they are here and a pleading with the Lord to rebuke them from my friend so that he will be set free, but also that I may be healed, as well. His oppression is hindering me.

Before you condemn me as arrogant and self-serving, let me say that most of this is going on the in the spiritual realm. I recognize in my spirit that there is oppression here. I recognize that it is hindering me by putting a strain on the relationship with my friend, thus taking my attention and focus off of the work I believe the Lord wants to accomplish in my heart and mind while I am here. I also recognize that my friend needs to be set free and delivered from this un-opposed oppression – there is no one here to recognize it or fight it off.

It seems that once again, the word He revealed to me at my baptism is unrelenting and true – my life is not about me. I came here seeking healing and restoration, clarity and direction, peace and renewal. What I found was that and more. I found one of God’s children in desperate need – more desperate than mine. I say that because I have a community, a church – I can choose to be surrounded by godly people at any given time – he does not. He is lost and wandering, and living under such oppression that I can hardly fathom, and he doesn’t even begin to recognize. As the battle rages in the spiritual realm, the tension between us is growing.

So typical of the Lord to send me here and to get as much mileage out of the time here as possible… one of the most difficult things that I’ve encountered lately is that I feel like I’ve been taken out – that my inability to deal with all that has happened to me this year has rendered me incapable of being used for the Kingdom in any real way. Maybe He’s trying to show me differently…

That’s a new thought. It seems to me that He is showing Himself capable – that He is the One working in and through me – that I have very little to do with what’s going on in my life. Yes, I have to choose to participate. I had to choose to come here. I had to choose to seek Him. I had to choose to seek restoration and healing. I have to choose to let Him continue His work in me. I have to choose to stay engaged and involved in what He wants to accomplish in my life. But there is recognition that He is the One doing all these things… and that recognition exposes unintentional arrogance, pride and self-sufficiency – independence. Hmmm…

Yes, I know (head knowledge) that He is sovereign and capable. What is so very awesome is that Paula and I have been praying that our head knowledge will become heart knowledge. We’ve been praying this so that we can live from our deep hearts, firmly rooted in faith, as opposed to trying to live on head knowledge, because what we know intellectually is not cutting it for the crisis’ of faith that our lives have become.

Honestly, I came here fully expectant of a God-show, fireworks and all. What I’ve found instead is a gentleness that soothes my soul. Yes, I still face doubts and uncertainty about my immediate future – finances, job, school, home, church, community, etc. However, the fear is being overridden by a gentleness that’s different than peace. It’s as though He has picked me up and is holding me gently in His hands, assuring me of His love, His (dang it) sovereignty, His absolute control and purpose for everything that’s been allowed to happen to me. Oh, did I mention His mercy? He’s assured me of that, as well. Isn’t He amazing?

Going back to the original thought for this post, this new revelation begs the question as to what to do about the oppression and tension here. What part does He want me to play? It’s up to Him to heal and restore my friend, so where does that leave me? The word that’s circling in my mind is ‘love’. I’m to love him and let Jesus do the rest. What does love look like in this situation? Certainly, I can pray. I can ask to be allowed to intercede. I can bind away the unclean spirits that are oppressing him. I can believe God that He will give me words and present an opportunity to talk if that’s what He wants to happen. At the very least, I can listen. I can turn my focus off of myself and tune into what’s going on with him. Of this I am confident – I was sent here. As stated above, I came here seeking many things. I think this may be the classic example of being poured into, so that in turn, His love can overflow into the lives around me. I love the way that Scripture always points us in the right Direction:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:4-7