I know – that’s a pretty bold statement... consider the source.
Let’s take a brief look at 2006 so far – a “year in review”, if you will. We’ll look at it through 2 lenses.
The World View
January 1 – Sunday School is amazing. I don’t know what changed from one Sunday to the next, but the dynamic is different somehow and it’s obvious that the Lord is doing something there.
January 2 – my family gets a call that my cousin has had a heart attack while traveling for work, and is in critical condition in a hospital in Knoxville.
January 5 – my family gets another call, more urgent this time, that my cousin is not responding to medical treatment, and is, in fact, expected to die. The Lord sends me to Knoxville – 9 hours away.
January 6 - I experience the incredibly difficult process of making the decision to take Bill off life support and watching him die, and experiencing my family's grief knowing that my prayers for healing my have somehow contributed to their level of grief. I was absolutely convinced that He sent me there to pray for healing, specifically.
January 7– I drive Bill’s wife home to Mississippi, and within hours, I am being screamed at by a drunken, grief-stricken cousin. I am beyond despair, and have been up for over 50 hours straight.
January 8 – a week to the day after the incredible start to the Sunday School class, and I roll back into Baton Rouge just in time for the Ring. My friends pray for me, my Lord refuels me, and He prepares me to go back to Mississippi for the funeral, which promises more family dysfunction and drama.
January 9 – back to work for a day, then a trip to meet with my pastor for some sense of normalcy in a world gone mad. I’ve hit bottom by then, and am infused by His strength. I am beginning to get my feet under me again.
January 10 – back on the road to Mississippi, sister in tow, to help with arrangements and attend the wake.
January 11 – the funeral sucked. I had a slight altercation with the reverend and embarrassed my mom. Yay grief and judgment. Back home and back to work.
January 31 – the Intent to Vacate is due on my apartment. The Lord told me I would be here 2 years, but He said that 2 years ago, and His silence is deafening. I try to turn in a conditional Intent to Vacate, and the office refuses to accept it, but say they are willing to work with me, as there is a waiting list for my apartment, and as soon as it’s turned in, we’re out – there’s no turning back. Yay more stress.
Brief digression – I lost my last home in a disastrous divorce – my ex maintained possession of the house and did not pay for it. When I moved home from Texas, the banks came after me, as I was the only one holding a job. I spent that summer working in the abandoned house, repairing holes in the walls and repainting everything – no electricity and no running water – did I mention that said house is 17’ aboveground? I was forced into bankruptcy 2 years ago after the banks foreclosed on the property and sued me personally. There's nothing quite like the feeling of showing up to work on a house that my ex committed adultry in and the locks on the doors have been drilled. I did not know that life held so much humiliation. But wait - there's more.
February – I believe that the Lord wants me to step out in faith. I apply for a mortgage with my mom, and we are approved for quite a bit of house. The hunt is on for THE house He has for us. I found one house that I fell in love with that was outside my price range, so I decided to not risk it. Another house dropped in my lap, this time from a coworker, and it’s perfect for me. After much prayer, I realize that while it is perfect for me, it is not perfect for me, Katie and Mom. My agent happens to call and encourages me to make an offer on the first house, which I do – I would have regretted not trying. I ask the owners to come down significantly, and they meet me halfway. Halfway is not good enough – I made my best offer and I really do not feel any peace about making a counter offer. I stick to my initial offer. The owners happen to be en route to Baton Rouge from south Florida, and they have the house appraised – 3 times – and each time the appraisal come in right at what I offered. They refuse to sell, I refuse to go into a house upside down – not to mention that no bank in the world will finance over 100% LTV to a person 2 years out of a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, so the deal dies around the first week of March.
I would be remiss is I failed to mention the launch of the Ring Community Church on February 12. What an AMAZING display of the Lord’s faithfulness, and a night of unsurpassed worship and praise to the Father. GLORY.
March 6 – Katie puts her notice in at work that she won’t be committing to a new class in the spring. She’ll be unemployed by June if she does not find something between now and then.
March 8 – I am unable to wake up for an early morning coffee date with Meg – I physically cannot open my eyes, much less get out of bed. I manage to get a text message to her, and try to go back to sleep. Later that morning, I’m walking the dog and I am sobbing as I walk, with no idea why. As I approach my apartment building, I see my downstairs neighbor, Mama Bertie, as I call her, and she come out and hugs me. I break down totally, and cry on her shoulder for a good 10 minutes. Embarrassed and confused, I make my excuses and go get ready for work.
Another slight digression – my boss has been acting funny – avoiding me – for weeks. Something’s up – I just don’t know what…
Back to March 8 – I have an 11:00 meeting with my boss to go over some work stuff. The Lord keeps prompting me to talk to him about my feelings of inadequacy – that I’m somehow letting him down because he is so stressed, and I’ve become nothing more than a highly over-compensated data entry clerk – which I did not sign up for and am very unhappy in that role. I argue with the Lord, and praise God He won. Long story short, he tells me he is restructuring my department, and my position is being eliminated – this is probably a direct result of my repeated insistence that he needs to be in Baton Rouge more – that the company has no day-to-day leadership and is floundering. Yay corporate America. Which is bullshit – what’s really going on is that he does not believe in my ability to lead – and he does not want to make the rest of the sales staff unhappy – of all of us, I am the expendable one. He was planning to tell me that afternoon, but since I brought it up, he told me that morning. I had a meeting with my realtor at lunch to go look at another house, which I probably would have put an offer on… so the house hunt comes to a screeching halt, Katie and I are moving into my mom’s 2 bedroom condo, and I’m waiting for D-Day when I’m finally told that I’ve been let go. Yay arrows of abandonment and rejection hitting me in the deep places of my heart.
March 15 – as much as I try to keep all this under wraps, the rumor mill at work is alive and well, and I find out that I’m THE topic of conversation at work – which is extremely embarrassing to me. Office political bullshit ensues, and heads are about to roll – attempts at defrauding the company are being exposed (no, I’m not defrauding the company) and things are getting crazy. For the most part, I am able to hold my head high and stand firmly in my faith - which is cool, because when people notice that, I get to point to Jesus as my Source.
March 17 – today was not such a good day. I feel rejected, invaluable as a person and as an employee, and my heart is heavy to the point of pain. My faith is taking a real beating, and I am despondent.
There’s more to this whole long story, but you get the gist.
The Spiritual View
January – I was given the honor of praying for my cousin’s soul, leading my family spiritually though an incredibly painful time, and giving Bill’s wife a crash-course in Christianity 101 – even though she’s been “saved” for 3 years (part of the reason for the altercation with the reverend.) I was allowed to intercede for Bill’s soul and show God’s light in a very dark place.
February – I took a leap of faith and He was faithful to His promise of 2 years – to the day. He allowed me to step out in faith, trusting Him to stop me, and He did. The lease here has been fulfilled, and any money I earn between now and the time I’m let go is being saved to pay my truck note and insurance so that I won’t be a burden on my mom. I’m planning a month break – going to stay with a friend in Florida to go fishing, and to sit on the beach at sunrise and sunset, and to regain my perspective – and to just rest in Him for a while.
March – I’m losing my job because I strive for personal excellence and perfection, and that makes people uncomfortable (I prefer convicted, but whatever). The Lord brought me to that place, and only the Lord can bring me away. May I shine His light brightly in these last days.
I don’t have a clue what the Lord is doing – but I know He’s doing something BIG. I’ve always said I’m along for the ride – well, I’m hanging on for dear life and I’m about at my wits end. I have more good days than bad – today was really bad.
So, what’s the point of this ridiculously long post? In a word – defiance. I am not defined by my circumstances. I am not defined by friendships that have not developed like I thought they would. Discouraged, but not defined. I will not believe the lies of the enemy of God that tell me I am abandoned and rejected by my boss and my community. That’s total bullshit.
Ultimately, it’s been an amazing year – I just have to look through the right lens. He’s up to something, and I cannot wait to see what He’s got in store – I just hope my heart can take it between now and then.
3.17.2006
2.12.2006
GLORY
Wow.
My heart is still beating out of my chest, and the worship service has been over for hours. I prayed tonight for Him to blow us away – to do exceeding, abundantly above and beyond anything we could ask or imagine.
Wow.
What a glorious God we serve! What an amazing worship experience! I don’t want to try to put all the pieces together in my mind tonight – this night is all about HIM.
Wow.
I am more in love with Jesus than I have ever been. I am blown away by His faithfulness, His surprises, His overwhelming LOVE for His kids.
Wow.
What an amazing gift to be allowed to be a part of - watching Him show off – watching Him fulfill His promises in the presence of so many. What an amazing gift to be allowed to be part of it all.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
--Anne Murray
The Scripture Josh used to lead us through the birth of the Ring Community Church was from 2 Chronicles –
5:13-15 - 13 The trumpeters and singers joined in unison, as with one voice, to give praise and thanks to the LORD. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, they raised their voices in praise to the LORD and sang:
"He is good;
his love endures forever."
Then the temple of the LORD was filled with a cloud, 14 and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled the temple of God.
6:15 - 15 You have kept your promise to your servant David my father; with your mouth you have promised and with your hand you have fulfilled it—as it is today.
6:40 - 40 "Now, my God, may your eyes be open and your ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.
7:15 - 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.
7:1-4 - 1 When Solomon finished praying, fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices, and the glory of the LORD filled the temple. 2 The priests could not enter the temple of the LORD because the glory of the LORD filled it. 3 When all the Israelites saw the fire coming down and the glory of the LORD above the temple, they knelt on the pavement with their faces to the ground, and they worshiped and gave thanks to the LORD, saying,
"He is good;
his love endures forever."
4 Then the king and all the people offered sacrifices before the LORD.
6:7-9 - 7 "My father David had it in his heart to build a temple for the Name of the LORD, the God of Israel. 8 But the LORD said to my father David, 'Because it was in your heart to build a temple for my Name, you did well to have this in your heart. 9 Nevertheless, you are not the one to build the temple, but your son, who is your own flesh and blood—he is the one who will build the temple for my Name.
The fulfillment of His promise to the Ring settles me deep in my soul. My heart is overflowing with love and adoration and praise. I am overwhelmed with the wonder of it all. My words are few tonight - there is no way for me to adequately convey what is in my heart. That will have to wait for another time. Tonight, I don't know if I want to dance, sing, or get on my face before Him. There is not a way to show Him what is in my heart - good thing He's God... He can just take a peak inside and see the love overflowing there.
What a glorious night, and what a GLORIOUS GOD!
My heart is still beating out of my chest, and the worship service has been over for hours. I prayed tonight for Him to blow us away – to do exceeding, abundantly above and beyond anything we could ask or imagine.
Wow.
What a glorious God we serve! What an amazing worship experience! I don’t want to try to put all the pieces together in my mind tonight – this night is all about HIM.
Wow.
I am more in love with Jesus than I have ever been. I am blown away by His faithfulness, His surprises, His overwhelming LOVE for His kids.
Wow.
What an amazing gift to be allowed to be a part of - watching Him show off – watching Him fulfill His promises in the presence of so many. What an amazing gift to be allowed to be part of it all.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
--Anne Murray
The Scripture Josh used to lead us through the birth of the Ring Community Church was from 2 Chronicles –
5:13-15 - 13 The trumpeters and singers joined in unison, as with one voice, to give praise and thanks to the LORD. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, they raised their voices in praise to the LORD and sang:
"He is good;
his love endures forever."
Then the temple of the LORD was filled with a cloud, 14 and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled the temple of God.
6:15 - 15 You have kept your promise to your servant David my father; with your mouth you have promised and with your hand you have fulfilled it—as it is today.
6:40 - 40 "Now, my God, may your eyes be open and your ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.
7:15 - 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.
7:1-4 - 1 When Solomon finished praying, fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices, and the glory of the LORD filled the temple. 2 The priests could not enter the temple of the LORD because the glory of the LORD filled it. 3 When all the Israelites saw the fire coming down and the glory of the LORD above the temple, they knelt on the pavement with their faces to the ground, and they worshiped and gave thanks to the LORD, saying,
"He is good;
his love endures forever."
4 Then the king and all the people offered sacrifices before the LORD.
6:7-9 - 7 "My father David had it in his heart to build a temple for the Name of the LORD, the God of Israel. 8 But the LORD said to my father David, 'Because it was in your heart to build a temple for my Name, you did well to have this in your heart. 9 Nevertheless, you are not the one to build the temple, but your son, who is your own flesh and blood—he is the one who will build the temple for my Name.
The fulfillment of His promise to the Ring settles me deep in my soul. My heart is overflowing with love and adoration and praise. I am overwhelmed with the wonder of it all. My words are few tonight - there is no way for me to adequately convey what is in my heart. That will have to wait for another time. Tonight, I don't know if I want to dance, sing, or get on my face before Him. There is not a way to show Him what is in my heart - good thing He's God... He can just take a peak inside and see the love overflowing there.
What a glorious night, and what a GLORIOUS GOD!
2.11.2006
day 1 - VICTORY!
Katie and I have been trying to work through some of the continuing battles that are tearing me up and wearing me down. The other day, we were talking about leadership, specifically about my hang-up that I have not been “chosen” for any type of leadership role in the Ring, or a hands-on managerial role at work, and how the “intimidation” observations exacerbate that particular struggle exponentially.
It was my stance that if people see me as intimidating, then I cannot possibly be the leader that I believe in my heart that I am called to be. Katie, being the encouraging one in this household, pointed out several lives and several situations where people see me or have come to me in a “leader” capacity. True enough, so why is this such an ongoing struggle?
We also talked about leaders that we know, and discussed the qualities that make them leaders. She made the observation that Josh NEVER says anything negative about anyone. You’ll never hear him tear someone down. He builds people up by saying good things about them to others. This gains the respect of the one being spoken to, and the one being spoken about. There’s something very encouraging and reassuring to our hearts when we hear that someone has spoken kindly of us – especially when that person is someone whom we hold in high regard.
That was a very challenging and convicting observation. Not to say that I stand around bashing people – far from it – but even the occasional indulging of an unkind observation makes me at best malicious, and at worst guilty of judgment. Ouch. Forgive me, Lord.
The Scripture for today is 1 Peter 2:-3 –
1Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
I have to be honest. This morning, I was out. I was done with the Ring. I was convinced that, after 3 years, if I still have not formed any type of meaningful relationship with more than 5 people that I see EVERY Sunday, then really, who am I kidding? If I am supposed to be at the Ring, then these relationships would have formed already, at least to some degree, right? Katie is one of those who hurts when you hurt, and we were both in tears. Lately, I wake up every morning, questioning everything, stressed beyond belief and to the point of total breakdown. In Him is peace, outside of Him is chaos. I AM chaos and I MUST find a way out. He is the Way out. I just can’t seem to find the Door.
Even as I type these words, my Spirit just bowed up, battling in the spiritual realm for this ministry – for my friend. The duality is unexpected, but real none-the-less.
This forces me to think that my Spiritual and logical lives are out of whack. I’ve been in constant battle for weeks, even knowing that those I battle for are not aware of it and the part of me that craves recognition will never be satisfied. That’s perfectly consistent with the way I know Him to work – the Type A warrior with a need for recognition is gifted in a way that is hardly ever recognized. I wear myself to the bone, Spiritually-speaking, for people who will never know it, and I have to be content with knowing that He sees it – that this gift of intercession is not for me - and in fact, requires much more of me than anticipated. It requires a selflessness that is not mine. It requires discernment that is not mine. It requires immediate obedience that only comes from hearing His voice... and it requires a boldness that can be miscontrued as intimidating. He's working in me, bringing that boldness He created under His authority and submission. When that happens, this "intimidation" issue will be no more. Praise the Lord!
I hear His voice this night. It is done. The Ring Community Church is going to launch tomorrow - the battle has been well-fought by all. It’s a done deal. Victory is His, and all is well with my soul.
Currently, I’m in the midst of a battle – a battle for someone else instead of battling myself – exactly where I’m supposed to be, and I will keep fighting as long as He keeps calling me to do so. Occasionally, I ask Him to fight for me. It’s nice to sit back and watch Him fight, every now and then. But I can’t stand it for long – I have to jump back in with Him – it’s my job, it’s my gift, it’s my calling, it’s my role in the Body… and it’s my joy. It's who I am in Christ.
Psalm 45:3-4 - 3 Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness;
let your right hand display awesome deeds.
John 16:33 - 33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Revelation 17:14 - "...14They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because he is Lord of lords and King of kings—and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers."
It was my stance that if people see me as intimidating, then I cannot possibly be the leader that I believe in my heart that I am called to be. Katie, being the encouraging one in this household, pointed out several lives and several situations where people see me or have come to me in a “leader” capacity. True enough, so why is this such an ongoing struggle?
We also talked about leaders that we know, and discussed the qualities that make them leaders. She made the observation that Josh NEVER says anything negative about anyone. You’ll never hear him tear someone down. He builds people up by saying good things about them to others. This gains the respect of the one being spoken to, and the one being spoken about. There’s something very encouraging and reassuring to our hearts when we hear that someone has spoken kindly of us – especially when that person is someone whom we hold in high regard.
That was a very challenging and convicting observation. Not to say that I stand around bashing people – far from it – but even the occasional indulging of an unkind observation makes me at best malicious, and at worst guilty of judgment. Ouch. Forgive me, Lord.
The Scripture for today is 1 Peter 2:-3 –
1Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
I have to be honest. This morning, I was out. I was done with the Ring. I was convinced that, after 3 years, if I still have not formed any type of meaningful relationship with more than 5 people that I see EVERY Sunday, then really, who am I kidding? If I am supposed to be at the Ring, then these relationships would have formed already, at least to some degree, right? Katie is one of those who hurts when you hurt, and we were both in tears. Lately, I wake up every morning, questioning everything, stressed beyond belief and to the point of total breakdown. In Him is peace, outside of Him is chaos. I AM chaos and I MUST find a way out. He is the Way out. I just can’t seem to find the Door.
Even as I type these words, my Spirit just bowed up, battling in the spiritual realm for this ministry – for my friend. The duality is unexpected, but real none-the-less.
This forces me to think that my Spiritual and logical lives are out of whack. I’ve been in constant battle for weeks, even knowing that those I battle for are not aware of it and the part of me that craves recognition will never be satisfied. That’s perfectly consistent with the way I know Him to work – the Type A warrior with a need for recognition is gifted in a way that is hardly ever recognized. I wear myself to the bone, Spiritually-speaking, for people who will never know it, and I have to be content with knowing that He sees it – that this gift of intercession is not for me - and in fact, requires much more of me than anticipated. It requires a selflessness that is not mine. It requires discernment that is not mine. It requires immediate obedience that only comes from hearing His voice... and it requires a boldness that can be miscontrued as intimidating. He's working in me, bringing that boldness He created under His authority and submission. When that happens, this "intimidation" issue will be no more. Praise the Lord!
I hear His voice this night. It is done. The Ring Community Church is going to launch tomorrow - the battle has been well-fought by all. It’s a done deal. Victory is His, and all is well with my soul.
Currently, I’m in the midst of a battle – a battle for someone else instead of battling myself – exactly where I’m supposed to be, and I will keep fighting as long as He keeps calling me to do so. Occasionally, I ask Him to fight for me. It’s nice to sit back and watch Him fight, every now and then. But I can’t stand it for long – I have to jump back in with Him – it’s my job, it’s my gift, it’s my calling, it’s my role in the Body… and it’s my joy. It's who I am in Christ.
Psalm 45:3-4 - 3 Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness;
let your right hand display awesome deeds.
John 16:33 - 33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Revelation 17:14 - "...14They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because he is Lord of lords and King of kings—and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers."
2.10.2006
day 2 - pivotal
THIS IS FOR POSTERITY, FOLKS, SO IF YOU WERE THERE, PLEASE ADD YOUR MEMORIES AND YOUR EXPERIENCE - I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LOOK BACK AND HAVE A COLLECTIVE MEMORY OF THIS NIGHT. PLEASE...
I just lost my entire post – boo on Blogger gnomes… oh, and day 9 is gone, too. What’s up with that?
Tonight begins the launch weekend. We have a whole weekend planned together as a community, beginning with the night of prayer. Tomorrow, we’ll go play in the park, developing and fostering relationships that our community is founded upon, and Sunday will be the genesis – the beginning – of the Ring Community Church. Last Sunday was the last time we met as a college ministry, although it has never been that to me, so better stated, last weekend was the last time we met as the Ring. I feel like there should be a moment of silence and reflection, please…
…
Ok, onto the current happenings. We met tonight as a family, to pray together for this baby church. We prayed using an idea of a three-sided triangle (as opposed to a four-sided triangle, josh…) where we prayed upward, inward and outward.
We began by praying upward. We spread out, praying individually to Him, declaring His righteousness, holiness, majesty, faithfulness, grace, sovereignty, love, worthiness, and His goodness. I felt Him smiling.
We then prayed inward, focusing on the Body of Christ that makes up the Ring. We split up into groups of three to talk about what’s on our hearts, what’s happening in our lives and community groups. My group talked about fear, attacks on identity, our need for wisdom, discernment, grace, and our heart for everyone who walks through our doors to know that they are welcome and loved. We prayed together, and looking around, to see so many people in serious prayer for one another was incredible. I sensed His smile teasing outward…
We prayed outward, together as a group. The prayers came from all around, people speaking from their hearts about groups of people they are burdened for. There were prayers for the apathetic, the ostracized, the children, the wronged, the over-churched, the ones who have hurt us, the homeless, those struggling with addictions, for diversity… My heart began to hesitate as demographic after demographic was listed. I don’t want to be a church concerned with demographics. I don’t want to be a church that measures our “success” in numbers. I’m not saying that that is an accurate reflection of the hearts – like we were just listing every people group known to man – I’m just saying that my heart hesitated. I want to be a church where we are allowed to take place in His passionate pursuit of His people – redeemed and unredeemed.
Josh closed us out by praying almost word for word what I was thinking. He has already begun to align our hearts – to knit them together into the community of believers that He purposed us to be. I sensed His grin from ear to ear…
Afterwards, Josh pointed out the importance of this night – it is a pivotal point in the life of this church. We were allowed to be part of the group that will say, “Hey, remember when we prayed for that the Friday before launch?”
We have lain this at His feet. We get to watch and wait, hearts ready and willing when He says, “Go.” Which leads me to the Scripture for the day – Matthew 28:18-20 –
18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
I just lost my entire post – boo on Blogger gnomes… oh, and day 9 is gone, too. What’s up with that?
Tonight begins the launch weekend. We have a whole weekend planned together as a community, beginning with the night of prayer. Tomorrow, we’ll go play in the park, developing and fostering relationships that our community is founded upon, and Sunday will be the genesis – the beginning – of the Ring Community Church. Last Sunday was the last time we met as a college ministry, although it has never been that to me, so better stated, last weekend was the last time we met as the Ring. I feel like there should be a moment of silence and reflection, please…
…
Ok, onto the current happenings. We met tonight as a family, to pray together for this baby church. We prayed using an idea of a three-sided triangle (as opposed to a four-sided triangle, josh…) where we prayed upward, inward and outward.
We began by praying upward. We spread out, praying individually to Him, declaring His righteousness, holiness, majesty, faithfulness, grace, sovereignty, love, worthiness, and His goodness. I felt Him smiling.
We then prayed inward, focusing on the Body of Christ that makes up the Ring. We split up into groups of three to talk about what’s on our hearts, what’s happening in our lives and community groups. My group talked about fear, attacks on identity, our need for wisdom, discernment, grace, and our heart for everyone who walks through our doors to know that they are welcome and loved. We prayed together, and looking around, to see so many people in serious prayer for one another was incredible. I sensed His smile teasing outward…
We prayed outward, together as a group. The prayers came from all around, people speaking from their hearts about groups of people they are burdened for. There were prayers for the apathetic, the ostracized, the children, the wronged, the over-churched, the ones who have hurt us, the homeless, those struggling with addictions, for diversity… My heart began to hesitate as demographic after demographic was listed. I don’t want to be a church concerned with demographics. I don’t want to be a church that measures our “success” in numbers. I’m not saying that that is an accurate reflection of the hearts – like we were just listing every people group known to man – I’m just saying that my heart hesitated. I want to be a church where we are allowed to take place in His passionate pursuit of His people – redeemed and unredeemed.
Josh closed us out by praying almost word for word what I was thinking. He has already begun to align our hearts – to knit them together into the community of believers that He purposed us to be. I sensed His grin from ear to ear…
Afterwards, Josh pointed out the importance of this night – it is a pivotal point in the life of this church. We were allowed to be part of the group that will say, “Hey, remember when we prayed for that the Friday before launch?”
We have lain this at His feet. We get to watch and wait, hearts ready and willing when He says, “Go.” Which leads me to the Scripture for the day – Matthew 28:18-20 –
18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
2.09.2006
day 3 - love
I heard from an old friend tonight. It was one of those things that just happened to work out. My dinner plans got mixed up and I ended up coming home, looking for something to eat, and wondering how I was going to spend this un-expectedly free evening. Katie and Allison were watching something on TV that I had no interest in, so I had just begun to wonder if I was actually going to see my bed before midnight for the first time in who knows how long, when my phone rang.
Jared is one of those friends that I rarely see – I think sometime last spring was the last time I laid eyes on him. We emailed briefly after Katrina – more of an “ok, you’re still alive – let me know if you need anything” running catch up, and then a voicemail around Christmas, then nothing until tonight. I think we’re averaging talking/emailing/speaking – some form of communication – twice a year or so.
He’s definitely one of my favorite people, and attained that status almost from the moment we met. He is a rare person, indeed. He is completely devoid of judgment. He’s completely real, completely authentic, kind, giving, honest and absolutely the most emotionally-balanced person I have the privilege to know. My filters never even think about coming on around him – I am more completely me around him than anyone else in my life. I can talk to him about anything, effortlessly. He’s the first person I’ve been able to talk to about moving in weeks – which was a blessing.
He is exactly who the western Church is trying to be… and to my knowledge does not even attend church on a regular basis. He reaches into the lives around him and lives out Christ in their lives in a way that most Christians wish they could, at least on a consistent basis. And I can just about guarantee that the Lord hardly ever comes up – at least in conversation.
He reminds me of Grissom, the main character from CSI. Grissom is a self-proclaimed agnostic (do not read here that I am saying Jared is agnostic) who is told by one of the family members of a victim that he is doing God’s work, whether he knows or admits it. Jared is a lot like that in the sense that he is not overtly “Christian” or “religious” or “spiritual”. He just lives his life in such a way that imitates Christ in many ways without doing so intentionally or overtly.
At the risk of sounding like I’m putting Jared on a pedestal, he really is an amazing person. He has character, integrity, stability, genuine kindness and gentleness, intelligence that will make your head spin, and a humility that is just part of who he is. He is in no way contrived, and that is so refreshing. He has a genuine interest in people and one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. He also works harder than anyone I know. When I say work, I mean he works for days on end, with little to no sleep – constantly striving toward his goal – which, by the way, is a doctorate from LSU.
So, I’ve probably sung his praises ad nauseam. But, surely you’ve figured out by now that this is going somewhere… The Scripture for today is 1 Corinthians 13:
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Jared’s life epitomizes love. Not the giddy, topsy-turvy romantic “love” as some understand love to be. Jared’s life is the epitome of Christ’s love. I said earlier in this post that he is exactly who the western Church is trying to be. He does not imitate love – he just loves. I don’t know any other way to say it.
Jared is one of those friends that I rarely see – I think sometime last spring was the last time I laid eyes on him. We emailed briefly after Katrina – more of an “ok, you’re still alive – let me know if you need anything” running catch up, and then a voicemail around Christmas, then nothing until tonight. I think we’re averaging talking/emailing/speaking – some form of communication – twice a year or so.
He’s definitely one of my favorite people, and attained that status almost from the moment we met. He is a rare person, indeed. He is completely devoid of judgment. He’s completely real, completely authentic, kind, giving, honest and absolutely the most emotionally-balanced person I have the privilege to know. My filters never even think about coming on around him – I am more completely me around him than anyone else in my life. I can talk to him about anything, effortlessly. He’s the first person I’ve been able to talk to about moving in weeks – which was a blessing.
He is exactly who the western Church is trying to be… and to my knowledge does not even attend church on a regular basis. He reaches into the lives around him and lives out Christ in their lives in a way that most Christians wish they could, at least on a consistent basis. And I can just about guarantee that the Lord hardly ever comes up – at least in conversation.
He reminds me of Grissom, the main character from CSI. Grissom is a self-proclaimed agnostic (do not read here that I am saying Jared is agnostic) who is told by one of the family members of a victim that he is doing God’s work, whether he knows or admits it. Jared is a lot like that in the sense that he is not overtly “Christian” or “religious” or “spiritual”. He just lives his life in such a way that imitates Christ in many ways without doing so intentionally or overtly.
At the risk of sounding like I’m putting Jared on a pedestal, he really is an amazing person. He has character, integrity, stability, genuine kindness and gentleness, intelligence that will make your head spin, and a humility that is just part of who he is. He is in no way contrived, and that is so refreshing. He has a genuine interest in people and one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. He also works harder than anyone I know. When I say work, I mean he works for days on end, with little to no sleep – constantly striving toward his goal – which, by the way, is a doctorate from LSU.
So, I’ve probably sung his praises ad nauseam. But, surely you’ve figured out by now that this is going somewhere… The Scripture for today is 1 Corinthians 13:
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Jared’s life epitomizes love. Not the giddy, topsy-turvy romantic “love” as some understand love to be. Jared’s life is the epitome of Christ’s love. I said earlier in this post that he is exactly who the western Church is trying to be. He does not imitate love – he just loves. I don’t know any other way to say it.
2.08.2006
day 4 - fear
I don’t know if there will be a “day 4 – intimidation – part 2”. I suppose that if it keeps coming up, which it does, that there is something there that requires my attention. But tonight, my heart is rejoicing in His faithfulness in the lives of my friends, not only for them, but for the affirmation and encouragement that it brings to me.
He is faithful to answer. The same God that is answering and guiding them is going to answer and guide me, too. He is in control, and I can’t mess up His plan. That is reassurance beyond measure. My hang up, honestly, is that I don’t want to detour at all, ever again. That fear is what’s been crippling me, and it’s a faithless fear.
There – I said it. I’m afraid. I’m scared shitless. (Yes, I just cussed in a post about God – hey, what do you know? No lightening…) My fears run very deep and He’s slowing bringing them out into His light.
The Scripture for today is 1 Timothy 6:6-10, but I’m including through verse 21, because this is what He’s talking to me about tonight:
6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 13In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you 14to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.
17Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. 19In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.
20Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, 21which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith. Grace be with you.
“so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.” There are many challenging and convicting truths in the verses above, but this one sums it up for me. Fear is not life. Fear is a crippling lie. No matter what the outcome of this current jaunt with the Lord, He is faithful, He is good, His will is His best for me, and what is best for me.
Lord, may it be so. I want to truly live in Your glorious presense, every minute of every day. I want to be overwhelmed by You constantly. I want to stay in step with Your Spirit and in tune with the sound of Your voice, singing songs of love and joy in my soul. MAY IT BE SO!
He is faithful to answer. The same God that is answering and guiding them is going to answer and guide me, too. He is in control, and I can’t mess up His plan. That is reassurance beyond measure. My hang up, honestly, is that I don’t want to detour at all, ever again. That fear is what’s been crippling me, and it’s a faithless fear.
There – I said it. I’m afraid. I’m scared shitless. (Yes, I just cussed in a post about God – hey, what do you know? No lightening…) My fears run very deep and He’s slowing bringing them out into His light.
The Scripture for today is 1 Timothy 6:6-10, but I’m including through verse 21, because this is what He’s talking to me about tonight:
6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 11But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 13In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you 14to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.
17Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. 19In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.
20Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, 21which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith. Grace be with you.
“so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.” There are many challenging and convicting truths in the verses above, but this one sums it up for me. Fear is not life. Fear is a crippling lie. No matter what the outcome of this current jaunt with the Lord, He is faithful, He is good, His will is His best for me, and what is best for me.
Lord, may it be so. I want to truly live in Your glorious presense, every minute of every day. I want to be overwhelmed by You constantly. I want to stay in step with Your Spirit and in tune with the sound of Your voice, singing songs of love and joy in my soul. MAY IT BE SO!
day 4 - intimidation - part 1
As this observation continues to rear it’s ugly head, it’s interesting to note the various camps that people are falling into:
First, there is the “Everyone else is wrong – you are perfectly wonderful” camp – this is woefully small.
Then there is the “The Lord is trying to show you something” camp.
This can be subdivided into 2 smaller camps:
The “I love you and am supporting you no matter what” camp
The “I am backing off and letting you figure this out on your own” camp
There is also the “You scare the hell out of me” camp – this one is bigger than I realized.
Then there is the ever-popular “Ann is strong enough to figure this out on her own, and she’s a little prickly right now, so I’m leaving her alone to figure this one out” camp – this is my favorite, and apparently where most people are camping out these days.
All of this is perfectly ridiculous. Or so I’ve been telling myself for years… apparently there’s more to it than I thought, so let’s dive into it to see what He wants to show me.
in·tim·i·dat·ed, in·tim·i·dat·ing, in·tim·i·dates
These verbs all mean to frighten into submission, compliance, or acquiescence. Intimidate implies the presence or operation of a fear-inspiring force: “It [atomic energy] may intimidate the human race into bringing order into its international affairs” (Albert Einstein). Browbeat suggests the persistent application of highhanded, disdainful, or imperious tactics: browbeating a witness. Bulldoze connotes the leveling of all spirit of opposition: was bulldozed into hiring an unacceptable candidate. Cow implies bringing out an abject state of timorousness and often demoralization: a dog that was cowed by abuse. To bully is to intimidate through blustering, domineering, or threatening behavior: workers who were bullied into accepting a poor contract. Bludgeon suggests the use of grossly aggressive or combative methods: had to be bludgeoned into fulfilling his duties.
Source - http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=intimidation
It seems there is a problem here. A huge one.
First, there is the “Everyone else is wrong – you are perfectly wonderful” camp – this is woefully small.
Then there is the “The Lord is trying to show you something” camp.
This can be subdivided into 2 smaller camps:
The “I love you and am supporting you no matter what” camp
The “I am backing off and letting you figure this out on your own” camp
There is also the “You scare the hell out of me” camp – this one is bigger than I realized.
Then there is the ever-popular “Ann is strong enough to figure this out on her own, and she’s a little prickly right now, so I’m leaving her alone to figure this one out” camp – this is my favorite, and apparently where most people are camping out these days.
All of this is perfectly ridiculous. Or so I’ve been telling myself for years… apparently there’s more to it than I thought, so let’s dive into it to see what He wants to show me.
in·tim·i·dat·ed, in·tim·i·dat·ing, in·tim·i·dates
- To make timid; fill with fear.
- To coerce or inhibit by or as if by threats.
These verbs all mean to frighten into submission, compliance, or acquiescence. Intimidate implies the presence or operation of a fear-inspiring force: “It [atomic energy] may intimidate the human race into bringing order into its international affairs” (Albert Einstein). Browbeat suggests the persistent application of highhanded, disdainful, or imperious tactics: browbeating a witness. Bulldoze connotes the leveling of all spirit of opposition: was bulldozed into hiring an unacceptable candidate. Cow implies bringing out an abject state of timorousness and often demoralization: a dog that was cowed by abuse. To bully is to intimidate through blustering, domineering, or threatening behavior: workers who were bullied into accepting a poor contract. Bludgeon suggests the use of grossly aggressive or combative methods: had to be bludgeoned into fulfilling his duties.
Source - http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=intimidation
It seems there is a problem here. A huge one.
2.07.2006
day 5 - praise
As expected, on a day when we, as the Ring, are praying as a Body against the enemy of God – specifically his attacks on our identity, he ramps it WAY up. I read the Scripture and devotional for today and my Spirit prepared for battle:
Luke 4:1-13 - 1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, 2where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread."
4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'[a]"
5The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7So if you worship me, it will all be yours."
8Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'[b]"
9The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. 10For it is written: " 'He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; 11they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'[c]"
12Jesus answered, "It says: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'[d]"
13When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.
The devotional from the 30 days: if you are who you say you are… prove it. that is essentially what satan is telling Jesus, and it is a blatant attack on his identity. but Jesus knew his identity, and knew that he did not have to prove it. our identity is attacked by satan as well. one reason satan attacks us in this area is because we don’t have a solid biblical understanding of who we are in Christ. when we are unsure, satan comes in and feeds us lies… which we sometimes believe. then we are confused, frustrated, and discouraged, unable to pray, minister, and worship. but God has set our identity firmly in place, and we have a way to fight this battle. Jesus quoted scripture in the face of temptation. God has given us many scriptures related to our identity. when satan attacks in this area, fight by quoting truth.
The Truth:
Galatians 5:24-25 - 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 5:17 - 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Ezekiel 36:26 - 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Colossians 2:13-14 - 13When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature,[b] God made you[c] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.
Romans 8:1-2 - 1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Jeremiah 24:7 - 7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.
2 Peter 1:3 - 3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
1 Peter 2:9 - 9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
My intention here is not to rip off Josh, but rather to have the Truth in front of me, written down right in front of my eyes, so that as I process all that happened today, His Word can continue to minister to and strengthen me. Not to make a big deal out of it, but today is my birthday. It’s meant to be a light-hearted day full of love and well-wishes (even flowers!) from loved ones. So, I’m armed to the teeth, ready to enjoy this day and stop to moaning - ready just to glorify Him.
As the day unfolded, I definitely figured out why my Spirit bowed up this morning. The enemy has had a great deal of success in attacking my identity. Too old, too strong, too aggressive, too abrasive, too intimidating (I mean, really…), too unapproachable… whew.
I was definitely told, in 2 separate conversations today with my boss and my mom, that I am intimidating and unapproachable. Yay flaming arrows reigning down…
I will pray tonight as I did the other day – Father, my heart is willing. I raise my shield high against the flaming arrows of the enemy aimed at the Ring, and I turn and offer them to you with praise on my lips. I know who I am. I am Yours.
Luke 4:1-13 - 1Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the desert, 2where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread."
4Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone.'[a]"
5The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7So if you worship me, it will all be yours."
8Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'[b]"
9The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. 10For it is written: " 'He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; 11they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'[c]"
12Jesus answered, "It says: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'[d]"
13When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.
The devotional from the 30 days: if you are who you say you are… prove it. that is essentially what satan is telling Jesus, and it is a blatant attack on his identity. but Jesus knew his identity, and knew that he did not have to prove it. our identity is attacked by satan as well. one reason satan attacks us in this area is because we don’t have a solid biblical understanding of who we are in Christ. when we are unsure, satan comes in and feeds us lies… which we sometimes believe. then we are confused, frustrated, and discouraged, unable to pray, minister, and worship. but God has set our identity firmly in place, and we have a way to fight this battle. Jesus quoted scripture in the face of temptation. God has given us many scriptures related to our identity. when satan attacks in this area, fight by quoting truth.
The Truth:
Galatians 5:24-25 - 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 5:17 - 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Ezekiel 36:26 - 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Colossians 2:13-14 - 13When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature,[b] God made you[c] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.
Romans 8:1-2 - 1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Jeremiah 24:7 - 7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.
2 Peter 1:3 - 3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
1 Peter 2:9 - 9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
My intention here is not to rip off Josh, but rather to have the Truth in front of me, written down right in front of my eyes, so that as I process all that happened today, His Word can continue to minister to and strengthen me. Not to make a big deal out of it, but today is my birthday. It’s meant to be a light-hearted day full of love and well-wishes (even flowers!) from loved ones. So, I’m armed to the teeth, ready to enjoy this day and stop to moaning - ready just to glorify Him.
As the day unfolded, I definitely figured out why my Spirit bowed up this morning. The enemy has had a great deal of success in attacking my identity. Too old, too strong, too aggressive, too abrasive, too intimidating (I mean, really…), too unapproachable… whew.
I was definitely told, in 2 separate conversations today with my boss and my mom, that I am intimidating and unapproachable. Yay flaming arrows reigning down…
I will pray tonight as I did the other day – Father, my heart is willing. I raise my shield high against the flaming arrows of the enemy aimed at the Ring, and I turn and offer them to you with praise on my lips. I know who I am. I am Yours.
2.06.2006
day 6 - FAITH
One of the last sermons that the former pastor at PBC gave was about keeping our eyes on Jesus, especially in the midst of turmoil. Neither looking at other people to see what you’re doing better than they, nor looking at them with envy, wishing you had their talents or Spiritual giftings. The Lord called that to mind this morning while I was walking the dog. I mulled that over, frustrated that I am seeking Him out yet He’s telling me to keep my eyes on Him. I’ve been more consistently in His Word in these past 24 days than in a long while. He pointed me back to His Word, to the Truth to be found there. First, there was the Scripture for today, Proverbs 27:17 – As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Hmmm…
I’ve had several relational skirmishes lately, where it feels more like iron piercing than sharpening. Wasn’t sure where He was going with that one, but being the persistent child that I am, He led me to another verse, this time through someone I’ve known longer than anyone else in this world, other than my family. Jason turned up to comment on my post from yesterday with a verse from James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. Hmmm…
My roommate sent me a verse today, too. Psalm 108 –
My heart is steadfast, O God;
I will sing and make music with all my soul.
2 Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.
3 I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
4 For great is your love, higher than the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens,
and let your glory be over all the earth.
6 Save us and help us with your right hand,
that those you love may be delivered.
Hmmm…
At Bible study tonight, I twice found myself in 1 Peter. First in chapter 3, verses 3-6 – Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Huh???
Then 1:5-9 - who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. Hmmm…
Finally, Hebrews 5:11-14 - We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
I’ve been all over His Word today, and the consistent theme is persistent, patient, suffering, refining, sharpening, maturing FAITH.
I think He’s grown weary of my moaning. I’m in a wait. I need to accept that and do my best to represent Him well while I’m here. As Beth Moore said in Bible study tonight, “The bigger the promise, the longer the wait… character is at stake.”
I’ve had several relational skirmishes lately, where it feels more like iron piercing than sharpening. Wasn’t sure where He was going with that one, but being the persistent child that I am, He led me to another verse, this time through someone I’ve known longer than anyone else in this world, other than my family. Jason turned up to comment on my post from yesterday with a verse from James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. Hmmm…
My roommate sent me a verse today, too. Psalm 108 –
My heart is steadfast, O God;
I will sing and make music with all my soul.
2 Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.
3 I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
4 For great is your love, higher than the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens,
and let your glory be over all the earth.
6 Save us and help us with your right hand,
that those you love may be delivered.
Hmmm…
At Bible study tonight, I twice found myself in 1 Peter. First in chapter 3, verses 3-6 – Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Huh???
Then 1:5-9 - who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. Hmmm…
Finally, Hebrews 5:11-14 - We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
I’ve been all over His Word today, and the consistent theme is persistent, patient, suffering, refining, sharpening, maturing FAITH.
I think He’s grown weary of my moaning. I’m in a wait. I need to accept that and do my best to represent Him well while I’m here. As Beth Moore said in Bible study tonight, “The bigger the promise, the longer the wait… character is at stake.”
2.05.2006
day 7 - empty
Why is it when we need affirmation the most, we get it the least? Why is it when we need to be loved, we are the first to turn and walk away? Why is it when we need prayer, we are the first to pray for others, instead?
I don’t have the answers.
Lord, I am so desperate for You. I know You’re right here. I know You’re within me. Rip away whatever is complicating this season of life. My radar is fuzzy and my ears are muffled. I need You to show up in a very real way. Please.
The Scripture for today is Luke 5:17-26 - 17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today.
The focus for today in the 30 days is the faith the friends displayed that Jesus Christ had the power to heal their friend.
We have a saying at the Ring – Jesus Christ has the power to change any human life. (I’d love to give the author credit, but I don’t know his name.) I want to believe that with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. Most days, I do. Tonight, I am empty. I’m running on fumes, and the Gas Station is right there… (I wonder if He minds being compared to a gas station?) Lord, I need Your help to make it there. Father, fill me up.
I don’t have the answers.
Lord, I am so desperate for You. I know You’re right here. I know You’re within me. Rip away whatever is complicating this season of life. My radar is fuzzy and my ears are muffled. I need You to show up in a very real way. Please.
The Scripture for today is Luke 5:17-26 - 17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today.
The focus for today in the 30 days is the faith the friends displayed that Jesus Christ had the power to heal their friend.
We have a saying at the Ring – Jesus Christ has the power to change any human life. (I’d love to give the author credit, but I don’t know his name.) I want to believe that with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. Most days, I do. Tonight, I am empty. I’m running on fumes, and the Gas Station is right there… (I wonder if He minds being compared to a gas station?) Lord, I need Your help to make it there. Father, fill me up.
2.04.2006
day 8 - blessed
“Holy, holy – You are holy. King of Kings, Lord of Lords, I worship You.” My roommate is in the kitchen, singing these beautiful words. What an absolutely appropriate way to end such a beautiful day - such a blessing, such a gift, from the Lord.
We had the privilege of participating in His provision for one of the families in our community group. One of the girl’s father has been laid off, and they are a family of 7. As a group, we prepared meals, racked up at Sam’s and prepared to go pour His love and blessings on this family. Not in a “look what good Christians we are” kind of way, but in a “look at what an awesome opportunity to serve our Lord and His children” kind of way.
Of course, we are equally as blessed, if not more so, than the family we went to bless. They got some food, some basic needs provided for, but we got so much more. I love how the Lord works that way.
I can only tell the story from my perspective. I went into this home, where I had never been, where I only know the children – some barely more than by sight – and sat for over 3 hours, talking to this amazing family about everything from dogs, to fishing, to missionary work in Africa, to witnessing, to corporate America, to different places we’ve lived or visited or want to go… and the running theme throughout, even if not overtly stated, was our mutual love for our Lord. What an amazing experience!
Today’s Scripture is Psalm 63:1-8 –
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
This family displayed this awesome faith in such a tangible, unwavering way. I am blessed to have been part of this day, and to have the opportunity to develop deep and abiding relationships with this family in the future.
Thank You, Lord.
We had the privilege of participating in His provision for one of the families in our community group. One of the girl’s father has been laid off, and they are a family of 7. As a group, we prepared meals, racked up at Sam’s and prepared to go pour His love and blessings on this family. Not in a “look what good Christians we are” kind of way, but in a “look at what an awesome opportunity to serve our Lord and His children” kind of way.
Of course, we are equally as blessed, if not more so, than the family we went to bless. They got some food, some basic needs provided for, but we got so much more. I love how the Lord works that way.
I can only tell the story from my perspective. I went into this home, where I had never been, where I only know the children – some barely more than by sight – and sat for over 3 hours, talking to this amazing family about everything from dogs, to fishing, to missionary work in Africa, to witnessing, to corporate America, to different places we’ve lived or visited or want to go… and the running theme throughout, even if not overtly stated, was our mutual love for our Lord. What an amazing experience!
Today’s Scripture is Psalm 63:1-8 –
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
This family displayed this awesome faith in such a tangible, unwavering way. I am blessed to have been part of this day, and to have the opportunity to develop deep and abiding relationships with this family in the future.
Thank You, Lord.
2.02.2006
day 10 - longing
Today’s Scripture is one of my favorites – Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians in chapter 3, verses 14-21 - 14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Beautiful… the thing that has intrigued me through the years are the action words in verse 18 – power to grasp. We need His mighty power to grasp the dimensions of Christ’s love for us. I’ll admit I don’t fully grasp that concept… but I want to, desperately. One really interesting note here - in the original Greek language, the word "kneel" in verse 14 is more literally translated, "...I bow in my need for Him."
I need His power unleashed in my life. I need to get out of His way and let Him use me for His Kingdom. I need to glorify Him with this life He’s given me – not to waste it behind a desk at work, sitting at a computer all day, or on petty wants and selfish dreams. I desire Him, and all the longings that stir deep inside – longing for a time long past – for Eden. For face-to-face fellowship with the God of the universe… to live, and love and laugh with Jesus – THAT is the desire of my heart. I desire more than Christ dwelling in my heart through faith – I desire to dwell with Him in eternity.
Makes the wait I’m in currently a little ridiculous, huh? I long for so much more than an earthy place to live – I long for the Bridegroom to return.
Come, Lord Jesus.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Beautiful… the thing that has intrigued me through the years are the action words in verse 18 – power to grasp. We need His mighty power to grasp the dimensions of Christ’s love for us. I’ll admit I don’t fully grasp that concept… but I want to, desperately. One really interesting note here - in the original Greek language, the word "kneel" in verse 14 is more literally translated, "...I bow in my need for Him."
I need His power unleashed in my life. I need to get out of His way and let Him use me for His Kingdom. I need to glorify Him with this life He’s given me – not to waste it behind a desk at work, sitting at a computer all day, or on petty wants and selfish dreams. I desire Him, and all the longings that stir deep inside – longing for a time long past – for Eden. For face-to-face fellowship with the God of the universe… to live, and love and laugh with Jesus – THAT is the desire of my heart. I desire more than Christ dwelling in my heart through faith – I desire to dwell with Him in eternity.
Makes the wait I’m in currently a little ridiculous, huh? I long for so much more than an earthy place to live – I long for the Bridegroom to return.
Come, Lord Jesus.
2.01.2006
day 11 - intrigued
i am overwhelmed... my community has responded to the 5 minutes i would actually let them into me, and the recognition that i am blessed saturates my soul. i've cried more in the past week than i have in years, and more today than i care to admit... some in pain, some in laughter, some in joy - tears abound and i am undone:
No apologies
For who I'm meant to be
The only thing that matters is
I am free
When I am overwhelmed
Holding pieces of my heart
When I feel my world
Start to fall apart
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become
Undone
Even in defeat
The face of tragedy
Still you'd have to say that
I found victory
In brokenness comes beauty
Divine fragility
Reminding me of nail scarred hands
Reaching out for me
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become
-undone - mercy me
i still cannot hear Him. how cheesy would it sound to say that my soul longs to hear His voice? well. it does. i feel like david. i am aching for Him, and i don't know what else to do but praise His name and wait:
Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing
Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
-keep singing - mercy me
i'm a lyrics person. music overwhelms me and i am lost. bryan ministered to my heart today by pointing me to these songs - i guess chris tomlin has been in the cd player long enough... he didn't last as long as third day, but i digress...
these songs are more than lyrics - they are prayers. they are declarations of love to the Lover of our souls. these words describe exactly how i felt this morning - i wanted to walk out and head for key west. there seems to be a lure of freedom in just walking away. as tempting as that is, i am more intrigued by what He's up to than running away from it. i've run my whole life. that's the easy way out - but not anymore. Galatians 5:1 says that it is for freedom that Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not burden yourselves again with a yoke of slavery. there is freedom in Christ - not in running. so i'm sticking.
i am fully His, made by Him and for His glory. whining my way through this is not glorifying Him, nor is it accurately representing my faith. so i will not. i will stand. i will praise His name. and i will wait.
of course, this ties beautifully with today's Scripture (at least in my mind): Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23 - 1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear."... 18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
my community, my faith, my leadership, my Lord - the seed has fallen in fertile soil. it has taken root in the deep places of my heart. i will stand.
praise You, Jesus.
No apologies
For who I'm meant to be
The only thing that matters is
I am free
When I am overwhelmed
Holding pieces of my heart
When I feel my world
Start to fall apart
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become
Undone
Even in defeat
The face of tragedy
Still you'd have to say that
I found victory
In brokenness comes beauty
Divine fragility
Reminding me of nail scarred hands
Reaching out for me
To the cross I run
Holding high my chains undone
Now I am finally free
Free to be what I've become
-undone - mercy me
i still cannot hear Him. how cheesy would it sound to say that my soul longs to hear His voice? well. it does. i feel like david. i am aching for Him, and i don't know what else to do but praise His name and wait:
Another rainy day
I can't recall having sunshine on my face
All I feel is pain
All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing
I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing
Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
-keep singing - mercy me
i'm a lyrics person. music overwhelms me and i am lost. bryan ministered to my heart today by pointing me to these songs - i guess chris tomlin has been in the cd player long enough... he didn't last as long as third day, but i digress...
these songs are more than lyrics - they are prayers. they are declarations of love to the Lover of our souls. these words describe exactly how i felt this morning - i wanted to walk out and head for key west. there seems to be a lure of freedom in just walking away. as tempting as that is, i am more intrigued by what He's up to than running away from it. i've run my whole life. that's the easy way out - but not anymore. Galatians 5:1 says that it is for freedom that Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not burden yourselves again with a yoke of slavery. there is freedom in Christ - not in running. so i'm sticking.
i am fully His, made by Him and for His glory. whining my way through this is not glorifying Him, nor is it accurately representing my faith. so i will not. i will stand. i will praise His name. and i will wait.
of course, this ties beautifully with today's Scripture (at least in my mind): Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23 - 1That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. 2Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. 3Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9He who has ears, let him hear."... 18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. 20The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. 22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."
my community, my faith, my leadership, my Lord - the seed has fallen in fertile soil. it has taken root in the deep places of my heart. i will stand.
praise You, Jesus.
1.31.2006
day 12 - community
My community group is amazing. Out of all of the groups, I believe that we are the most random group of people ever, and it’s really cool. In typical God fashion, this night we discussed prayer, specifically:
Of course, on the night we discuss prayer, guess who has nothing to say? That would be yours truly. The self-proclaimed warrior of God. The intercessor. The one who always urges and pushes for prayer… yep, I had nada. I listened for once, mainly because I feel so defeated and jaded right now, battling with this whole moving thing. I didn’t want my twisted thoughts to plant any cynical seeds in the others. It was great, because He ministered to me through what our leaders, Bryan and Misty, had to say. Admittedly, I had to fight a lot of self-defense mechanisms trying to kick into place, but He was able to get past me (imagine that…) and speak to my heart and my bruised spirit through them. I praised His name last night for my community, and I will do it again tonight. Hallelujah to the King!
After cg tonight, my friend Ashley came up to me and asked if she could tell me a story. (I asked her if I could put this on my blog, even though it’s her story to tell…) She said that the Lord has brought to mind this story for the past few days and she finally figured out why tonight – she was supposed to tell me. How cool is that? I won’t get all the details straight, but the gist will be accurate.
She went through a season when she was not hearing from the Lord, same as I am now. She knew she was called to missions, but He had not given her any specifics yet. That summer, she was serving in Honduras, and was attending church one night. The relevant side note here is that she is deathly afraid of the dark, and this was a night service. Well, a thunderstorm blew through and the lights went out. She was in the middle of a foreign country with her biggest fear thrown in her face. She kept searching for her flashlight that she knew was not there, and the Lord stopped her. He told her that she didn’t need the crutch of the light. As she grew calmer, she heard the voices of the children inside the church, singing louder and louder to Him. She said that she learned that in times of His silence, she just sings that much louder.
That is a beautiful picture of faith and perseverance – and love. He loved her through her fear, and she loved Him through hers. That wraps so beautifully with the post from last night, because all I know to do now is to stand – to sing His praises no matter what.
Of course, this wraps beautifully to the Scripture for today – Luke 5:17-26 - 17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. 20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." 21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?" 22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."
Josh points out in the 30 days that one of two things had to take place for the end result to occur – the paralytic’s friends had to offer to help him, or he had to ask for it. I would not let my community minister to me until the very end – who says the oldest is the wisest? But minister they did, and another horrible day has ended with me refueled, restored, loved and encouraged – and ready to keep standing.
I will say it again – PRAISE YOU, JESUS!
- Why don’t we approach His throne of grace with confidence?
- Why are we afraid to ask Him for the big things?
- Why are we afraid to ask Him for specifics (that wasn’t one that was thrown out there, just one circling in my mind)
- What do we do during the wait?
- What do we do when he says, “No.”?
- Do we really believe that He is good?
- My question – what do we do when we don’t hear a thing?
Of course, on the night we discuss prayer, guess who has nothing to say? That would be yours truly. The self-proclaimed warrior of God. The intercessor. The one who always urges and pushes for prayer… yep, I had nada. I listened for once, mainly because I feel so defeated and jaded right now, battling with this whole moving thing. I didn’t want my twisted thoughts to plant any cynical seeds in the others. It was great, because He ministered to me through what our leaders, Bryan and Misty, had to say. Admittedly, I had to fight a lot of self-defense mechanisms trying to kick into place, but He was able to get past me (imagine that…) and speak to my heart and my bruised spirit through them. I praised His name last night for my community, and I will do it again tonight. Hallelujah to the King!
After cg tonight, my friend Ashley came up to me and asked if she could tell me a story. (I asked her if I could put this on my blog, even though it’s her story to tell…) She said that the Lord has brought to mind this story for the past few days and she finally figured out why tonight – she was supposed to tell me. How cool is that? I won’t get all the details straight, but the gist will be accurate.
She went through a season when she was not hearing from the Lord, same as I am now. She knew she was called to missions, but He had not given her any specifics yet. That summer, she was serving in Honduras, and was attending church one night. The relevant side note here is that she is deathly afraid of the dark, and this was a night service. Well, a thunderstorm blew through and the lights went out. She was in the middle of a foreign country with her biggest fear thrown in her face. She kept searching for her flashlight that she knew was not there, and the Lord stopped her. He told her that she didn’t need the crutch of the light. As she grew calmer, she heard the voices of the children inside the church, singing louder and louder to Him. She said that she learned that in times of His silence, she just sings that much louder.
That is a beautiful picture of faith and perseverance – and love. He loved her through her fear, and she loved Him through hers. That wraps so beautifully with the post from last night, because all I know to do now is to stand – to sing His praises no matter what.
Of course, this wraps beautifully to the Scripture for today – Luke 5:17-26 - 17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. 20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." 21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?" 22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."
Josh points out in the 30 days that one of two things had to take place for the end result to occur – the paralytic’s friends had to offer to help him, or he had to ask for it. I would not let my community minister to me until the very end – who says the oldest is the wisest? But minister they did, and another horrible day has ended with me refueled, restored, loved and encouraged – and ready to keep standing.
I will say it again – PRAISE YOU, JESUS!
1.30.2006
day 13 - stand
Acts 2:42-47 - 42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Father, thank You for the Ring community. Thank You for allowing me to be a part of it. Thank You for allowing me to witness the birth of a brand new baby church, that we are healthy and growing more like You from day one. Thank You for the amazing men and women that I am surrounded by on a daily basis. Thank You for the relationships and the different ways You reveal Yourself through them. Thank You for our leadership and the grace that constantly flows in and through their lives. Thank You for their hearts for You and Your people. Thank You for the amazing support systems that we have within this community – that You have provided for all of our needs through this Body and through Your Son. I am amazed, humbled, incredibly blessed and blown away by it all. Thank You for the times of struggle, when we can come along side one another and journey together, to fight for one another, to love one another, to learn and sharpen one another.
I am blessed beyond measure. I am so excited I can’t hardly stand it. My heart is bursting with love and joy and full recognition of just how blessed I am, and how blessed we are as a community. It’s all from You, for You, and I cannot get over how awestruck I am to be allowed to be part of it all.
In the end, with or without the Ring, I am Yours. It is my privilege to be a part of what You’re doing in this time, and in this place. Thank You for that, Father. Thank You for the Cross, for without it, we would be eternally lost, separated from You. There cannot be a worse possible outcome than that truth. Thank You for Your love, for Your constant pursuit, for Your constant and faithful presence. Thank You for the living water that is Your Word, Your Life, Your Love and Your Truth. Thank You, Father, for guiding us every step of the way. Thank You that we can trust You with out hearts, with our lives, and our loves, because we are reflections of You. Thank You for Your wisdom, power and might that is given to us by Your Holy Spirit. Thank You, Counselor, for Your steadfastness, patience and grace. We, not one, are worthy of You, or of Your blood. Thank You for that shed blood, that through it we are made into one Body, likeminded and hearts meshed.
“Amazing Love, how can it be that You, my King, would die for me?”
Praise You, Jesus.
Father, thank You for the Ring community. Thank You for allowing me to be a part of it. Thank You for allowing me to witness the birth of a brand new baby church, that we are healthy and growing more like You from day one. Thank You for the amazing men and women that I am surrounded by on a daily basis. Thank You for the relationships and the different ways You reveal Yourself through them. Thank You for our leadership and the grace that constantly flows in and through their lives. Thank You for their hearts for You and Your people. Thank You for the amazing support systems that we have within this community – that You have provided for all of our needs through this Body and through Your Son. I am amazed, humbled, incredibly blessed and blown away by it all. Thank You for the times of struggle, when we can come along side one another and journey together, to fight for one another, to love one another, to learn and sharpen one another.
I am blessed beyond measure. I am so excited I can’t hardly stand it. My heart is bursting with love and joy and full recognition of just how blessed I am, and how blessed we are as a community. It’s all from You, for You, and I cannot get over how awestruck I am to be allowed to be part of it all.
In the end, with or without the Ring, I am Yours. It is my privilege to be a part of what You’re doing in this time, and in this place. Thank You for that, Father. Thank You for the Cross, for without it, we would be eternally lost, separated from You. There cannot be a worse possible outcome than that truth. Thank You for Your love, for Your constant pursuit, for Your constant and faithful presence. Thank You for the living water that is Your Word, Your Life, Your Love and Your Truth. Thank You, Father, for guiding us every step of the way. Thank You that we can trust You with out hearts, with our lives, and our loves, because we are reflections of You. Thank You for Your wisdom, power and might that is given to us by Your Holy Spirit. Thank You, Counselor, for Your steadfastness, patience and grace. We, not one, are worthy of You, or of Your blood. Thank You for that shed blood, that through it we are made into one Body, likeminded and hearts meshed.
“Amazing Love, how can it be that You, my King, would die for me?”
Praise You, Jesus.
1.29.2006
day 14 - empowered
I’m walking through a pretty tough season right now, and I’ve never been more confused or at odds Spiritually in my life... well, almost. I came as close to my head exploding as I’ve ever come in Sunday School this morning. I had several people, ALL of whom I love, respect and trust implicitly, give me conflicting “advice” about this situation and I about lost my mind. They did not intend to cause such anxiety – most of it was banter – but this is so important to me that I’m hyper-sensitive to what they were saying – and I was almost in tears, although they won’t know that until they read this.
Jesus told me this would be Him and me, and I should have known better than to ever bring it up, but I was desperate. I guess I should fill in a little detail so that this makes any kind of sense at all. I hate even writing about this. The anxiety level is still way high, even though He is slowly sorting everything out…
Before I moved to my current home, I was living with my sister. Long story short, I moved to Texas after my divorce and was called home out of an ungodly relationship into Life. I moved home and lived with my sister and her children. I lived there 13 months, and when she and her husband decided to save their marriage, it was time for me to go. If there is one thing I fear, it is stepping even slightly outside of His will for my life. I know what it’s like outside that “ring” and it sucks. I NEVER want to be there again… which explains my current anxiety, but I’m getting ahead of the story.
I was beside myself – everywhere I looked did not work out for one reason or another. My brother-in-law was ready to move back home and I had to get out. One morning, I made coffee and went outside and sat on the porch, and refused to pray. I needed to hear from Him, and I was not going to tell Him for the 586,926th time that I needed a place to live. He knew, and I needed to hear, so I shut up, for once, and listened. I had been praying for closed doors – desperate for His will and not mine. He told me that I had been asking Him to close doors. Then He asked me a question. He asked me if I had ever bothered to ask Him to open any… I didn’t answer – I didn’t say a word – I got up, got dressed, drove here “on accident” (I had no clue this place existed) and as soon as my foot hit the ground when I got out of the truck, I knew I was home. I had no idea what the apartments looked like, much less how much they cost – I only knew I was home, and that I would be here for 2 years.
Which leads me to my current dilemma… said time period is up and I cannot hear Him. I don’t want to go the legalistic route – this is what He said and I’m sticking to it, no matter what – nor will I make a decision without hearing from Him – clearly hearing from Him… and I’m not hearing much. No peace, no dialogue, not much of anything but anxiety and fear – both of which I know are not from Him, and I know He hates that I’m doing this to myself.
I know this is a leap of faith and it’s draining me. I know in the end all will be well and He will prove Himself faithful once again… but in the meantime, this is a very bad time for me. He’s showing me little by little what He wants from me, but I find myself even doubting the little bit that He has shown me… I want so desperately only His best for my life, and I know that He is pleased by that sincere desire. I think my biggest hang-up is that I am afraid that I am subconsciously finding a solution because I have not heard from Him, and that thought terrifies me. Fear is the running theme here and I recognize that. I know His Word says that He has not given us a Spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). I know this to be true, but applying that Truth is an altogether different thing.
The Scripture for today is Acts 5:12-16 - 12The apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon's Colonnade. 13No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. 14Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number. 15As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter's shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. 16Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by evil[a] spirits, and all of them were healed.
I have a couple of thoughts that tie this passage into the situation I’m in right now. I believe that fear is a spiritual disease – it is not of God. I’m in a battle and I can’t fight for myself. But I can let Him fight for me. The second thing is that these people had faith that even the SHADOW of Peter falling on them would heal them. That’s amazing, outrageous faith. As Josh points out in today’s discussion in the 30 days, He is from everlasting to everlasting. The church is as empowered today as it was back then. His Spirit is ready, His heart is willing, He is able… why is that so dang hard to apply to this situation?
Lord, please, I beg You to remove me and the fear that surrounds me. I need Youdesperately. Please forgive my lack of faith - please make Your wll for my life clear so that I may follow readily. I am only but waiting for Your direction - the next marching order. Father, please. I love You, I praise You, and I ask these things in the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN
Jesus told me this would be Him and me, and I should have known better than to ever bring it up, but I was desperate. I guess I should fill in a little detail so that this makes any kind of sense at all. I hate even writing about this. The anxiety level is still way high, even though He is slowly sorting everything out…
Before I moved to my current home, I was living with my sister. Long story short, I moved to Texas after my divorce and was called home out of an ungodly relationship into Life. I moved home and lived with my sister and her children. I lived there 13 months, and when she and her husband decided to save their marriage, it was time for me to go. If there is one thing I fear, it is stepping even slightly outside of His will for my life. I know what it’s like outside that “ring” and it sucks. I NEVER want to be there again… which explains my current anxiety, but I’m getting ahead of the story.
I was beside myself – everywhere I looked did not work out for one reason or another. My brother-in-law was ready to move back home and I had to get out. One morning, I made coffee and went outside and sat on the porch, and refused to pray. I needed to hear from Him, and I was not going to tell Him for the 586,926th time that I needed a place to live. He knew, and I needed to hear, so I shut up, for once, and listened. I had been praying for closed doors – desperate for His will and not mine. He told me that I had been asking Him to close doors. Then He asked me a question. He asked me if I had ever bothered to ask Him to open any… I didn’t answer – I didn’t say a word – I got up, got dressed, drove here “on accident” (I had no clue this place existed) and as soon as my foot hit the ground when I got out of the truck, I knew I was home. I had no idea what the apartments looked like, much less how much they cost – I only knew I was home, and that I would be here for 2 years.
Which leads me to my current dilemma… said time period is up and I cannot hear Him. I don’t want to go the legalistic route – this is what He said and I’m sticking to it, no matter what – nor will I make a decision without hearing from Him – clearly hearing from Him… and I’m not hearing much. No peace, no dialogue, not much of anything but anxiety and fear – both of which I know are not from Him, and I know He hates that I’m doing this to myself.
I know this is a leap of faith and it’s draining me. I know in the end all will be well and He will prove Himself faithful once again… but in the meantime, this is a very bad time for me. He’s showing me little by little what He wants from me, but I find myself even doubting the little bit that He has shown me… I want so desperately only His best for my life, and I know that He is pleased by that sincere desire. I think my biggest hang-up is that I am afraid that I am subconsciously finding a solution because I have not heard from Him, and that thought terrifies me. Fear is the running theme here and I recognize that. I know His Word says that He has not given us a Spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). I know this to be true, but applying that Truth is an altogether different thing.
The Scripture for today is Acts 5:12-16 - 12The apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders among the people. And all the believers used to meet together in Solomon's Colonnade. 13No one else dared join them, even though they were highly regarded by the people. 14Nevertheless, more and more men and women believed in the Lord and were added to their number. 15As a result, people brought the sick into the streets and laid them on beds and mats so that at least Peter's shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by. 16Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by evil[a] spirits, and all of them were healed.
I have a couple of thoughts that tie this passage into the situation I’m in right now. I believe that fear is a spiritual disease – it is not of God. I’m in a battle and I can’t fight for myself. But I can let Him fight for me. The second thing is that these people had faith that even the SHADOW of Peter falling on them would heal them. That’s amazing, outrageous faith. As Josh points out in today’s discussion in the 30 days, He is from everlasting to everlasting. The church is as empowered today as it was back then. His Spirit is ready, His heart is willing, He is able… why is that so dang hard to apply to this situation?
Lord, please, I beg You to remove me and the fear that surrounds me. I need Youdesperately. Please forgive my lack of faith - please make Your wll for my life clear so that I may follow readily. I am only but waiting for Your direction - the next marching order. Father, please. I love You, I praise You, and I ask these things in the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN
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