one day, my heart will reflect the words to the song below. until then, i can only follow my heart, with much fear and trembling.
"HE will break you to have you." well, the wrestling match is over, and i lost. i'm broken, by HIM and for HIM.
yes and amen
hear Your people saying yes
hear Your people saying yes to You
yes to anything You ask
yes to anything we´re called to do
hear Your people say amen
hear Your people say amen to You
let Your kingdom come on earth
let it be just like we prayed to You
yes and amen to everything that´s in Your heart
yes and amen to everything that You have planned
we live to see Your will be done
and see Your perfect kingdom come on earth, on the earth
yes and amen
we´re taking up our cross for You
give us the strength to take these dreams and follow through
we live to see Your will be done
and see Your perfect kingdom come on earth, on the earth
all the promises are yes
all the promises are yes in You
every good and perfect gift
every blessing that we have was You
--Matt Redman, Robert Marvin and Josiah Bell
©2006 Thankyou Music (administered worldwide by EMI CMG Publishing, excluding the UK which is administered by Kingswaysongs.com) lyrics from www.mattredman.com
3.27.2007
3.22.2007
extravagant
what a way to begin captivating 2!!! sometimes, the Lord just likes to show off...
we went to see chris tomlin, matt redman AND louis giglio at the pmac wednesday night - what an awesome gift from the Lord, and an amazing way to prepare our hearts for what He has in store for us high up in the rockies!
His love truly is extravagant!!!
we went to see chris tomlin, matt redman AND louis giglio at the pmac wednesday night - what an awesome gift from the Lord, and an amazing way to prepare our hearts for what He has in store for us high up in the rockies!
His love truly is extravagant!!!
3.18.2007
eva
welcome to a very deep place in my heart...
introducing eva cassidy - one of the greatest blues artists to ever live. this is "fields of gold", written by sting, and covered on her "live at blues alley" cd. this is one of my favorite songs of all time.
introducing eva cassidy - one of the greatest blues artists to ever live. this is "fields of gold", written by sting, and covered on her "live at blues alley" cd. this is one of my favorite songs of all time.
3.16.2007
influence, part 1
the next few posts will not be light reading. there is much here you may not agree with. that's ok. they are my thoughts, and i don't claim to be 100% right. you are welcome to chime in to agree, disagree, or offer your own thoughts... if, through these words, i have caused you to dwell, to tarry, to think... then i will have accomplished what hoped i would with these posts.
i've been mulling over this idea for about a month now, knowing it needs to be written out - there's been much pondering and praying for words to convey what's been circling in my heart and mind. i am pressed hard to write today, so i am... but i don't really have a clue what's going to come out of these fingertips yet. nothing rehearsed, no organized thoughts... just ideas and words swirling around.
i think that most people in my world - including myself - don't realize the influence that they have on others, and that others have on them. at least, i hope that's the case... because influence is a funny thing - it can easily be used for good or bad, despite our best intentions, which points to the very real need to filter everything we say, do and/or hear through the Word of God... and sometimes that's tricky, too, because it's very easy to latch onto one verse that seems to support our viewpoint or position, but it's all too easy to twist and warp the Truth of God's Word into something that's not truth at all.
take the book of james, for example. we've been studying it for the past few weeks, so it jumps readily to mind as a good example of a bad influence. i've never liked the book of james (gasp) until we really dived in and studied it backwards and forwards. kudos to the people who prepare the material for community groups, for in my humble opinion, they have done an EXCELLENT job of taking a difficult text and making sense of it. i say "difficult" from a strictly personal viewpoint - you'd think that as much as i dislike dancing around issues that i would really dig james' refusal to 'mince words', as josh put it. my dislike for that particular book stemmed from how easily and frequently one verse can be taken out of context... and used to persecute and harm untold numbers of people over the ages. think salem. think the crusades. think of the ultra-conservative theologians or clergymen who ostracize God's children, standing on their interpretation of "truth", without taking the entire text into consideration, or the intended audience, or the context, or any of the significant factors that make God's Word beautiful and life-giving, instead of ammunition meant to kill and destroy.
i believe that we are ultimately responsible before the Lord for our words, our actions, our decisions - our lives - and will have to stand before Him one day to account for them. i believe fully in the grace of Christ, but it still makes me weak in the knees when i really think about that day. when thinking about that day, it's easier to wrap our minds around what we've done wrong in our lives (deliberate sin) than it is to really dig in and think about the less obvious aspects of our lives - motive comes readily to mind, and is perfectly in line with a discussion on influence.
to be continued...
i've been mulling over this idea for about a month now, knowing it needs to be written out - there's been much pondering and praying for words to convey what's been circling in my heart and mind. i am pressed hard to write today, so i am... but i don't really have a clue what's going to come out of these fingertips yet. nothing rehearsed, no organized thoughts... just ideas and words swirling around.
i think that most people in my world - including myself - don't realize the influence that they have on others, and that others have on them. at least, i hope that's the case... because influence is a funny thing - it can easily be used for good or bad, despite our best intentions, which points to the very real need to filter everything we say, do and/or hear through the Word of God... and sometimes that's tricky, too, because it's very easy to latch onto one verse that seems to support our viewpoint or position, but it's all too easy to twist and warp the Truth of God's Word into something that's not truth at all.
take the book of james, for example. we've been studying it for the past few weeks, so it jumps readily to mind as a good example of a bad influence. i've never liked the book of james (gasp) until we really dived in and studied it backwards and forwards. kudos to the people who prepare the material for community groups, for in my humble opinion, they have done an EXCELLENT job of taking a difficult text and making sense of it. i say "difficult" from a strictly personal viewpoint - you'd think that as much as i dislike dancing around issues that i would really dig james' refusal to 'mince words', as josh put it. my dislike for that particular book stemmed from how easily and frequently one verse can be taken out of context... and used to persecute and harm untold numbers of people over the ages. think salem. think the crusades. think of the ultra-conservative theologians or clergymen who ostracize God's children, standing on their interpretation of "truth", without taking the entire text into consideration, or the intended audience, or the context, or any of the significant factors that make God's Word beautiful and life-giving, instead of ammunition meant to kill and destroy.
i believe that we are ultimately responsible before the Lord for our words, our actions, our decisions - our lives - and will have to stand before Him one day to account for them. i believe fully in the grace of Christ, but it still makes me weak in the knees when i really think about that day. when thinking about that day, it's easier to wrap our minds around what we've done wrong in our lives (deliberate sin) than it is to really dig in and think about the less obvious aspects of our lives - motive comes readily to mind, and is perfectly in line with a discussion on influence.
to be continued...
3.10.2007
annie's song!!!
i found it!!!
ok, so it's not the original 1974 version (i'm a purist, what can i say?) but this will still let you experience it as a worship song...
click here to go back to the original post so you can read the lyrics as you listen with both your heart and your mind...
that's just good stuff.
ok, so it's not the original 1974 version (i'm a purist, what can i say?) but this will still let you experience it as a worship song...
click here to go back to the original post so you can read the lyrics as you listen with both your heart and your mind...
that's just good stuff.
3.08.2007
truth
last summer, even after hearing a resounding "YES" from the Lord about joining the ring, i still needed my heart and mind to line up.
it turned out to be a very easy decision to make. it came down to one question... just one.
"am i being fed TRUTH consistently, not just on sundays, but all the time in my interaction within this community?"
the immediate answer was, "YES"... and every now and again, He proves it to me just to punctuate His answer.
i love it when He does that.
it turned out to be a very easy decision to make. it came down to one question... just one.
"am i being fed TRUTH consistently, not just on sundays, but all the time in my interaction within this community?"
the immediate answer was, "YES"... and every now and again, He proves it to me just to punctuate His answer.
i love it when He does that.
3.02.2007
relevant
i've been asked a lot of questions and had much concern expressed by many of you, prompted by the last couple of posts. churning on the responses, it's occurred to me that there is one question conspicuously absent:
what does Jesus have to say?
it seems to me that hearing His voice is paramount right now... it is of the utmost import. i could be totally off here, but isn't the whole point of Christ's return, the atonement, the restoration, the salvation, the sanctification - all of it - isn't walking with God about ever-increasing dependence on Him? at the core of it, isn't that what faith truly is? i can't think of one instance in the Bible where we are instructed or encouraged to become independent from God - that's what got us in this mess to begin with, all the way back in the garden.
please know that i'm not disagreeing with any of you, or trying to pick a fight. this is a struggle in my mind, and i welcome any thoughts you are willing to share.
what does Jesus have to say?
it seems to me that hearing His voice is paramount right now... it is of the utmost import. i could be totally off here, but isn't the whole point of Christ's return, the atonement, the restoration, the salvation, the sanctification - all of it - isn't walking with God about ever-increasing dependence on Him? at the core of it, isn't that what faith truly is? i can't think of one instance in the Bible where we are instructed or encouraged to become independent from God - that's what got us in this mess to begin with, all the way back in the garden.
please know that i'm not disagreeing with any of you, or trying to pick a fight. this is a struggle in my mind, and i welcome any thoughts you are willing to share.
2.27.2007
silent
my frustration level is running on high octane right now... the decisions i need to make become more and more convoluted and confusing as time passes. stemming from a desperate need to understand what the hell is going on in my life, i'm putting to words what i believe are my options. because this is such an inward-focused post, it may not make any sense at all to you - and that, in some ways, is deliberate. i need to be able to get it all out and not worry about it's readability. call it brainstorming, heartsearching, bellyacheing, whatever, but this one is for me. i share it with you because i believe so stongly in sharing our lives with one another - but i make no promises as to you having a clue what i'm writing about.
the way i see it:
option 1 - seattle - mhgs
option 2 - seattle - job
option 3 - baton rouge - nobts
option 4 - baton rouge - job
option 5 - baton rouge - lsu
option 6 - run away
the way He sees it:
options 1-6 - lack of faith
on top of all this is a silent disapproval that permeates many of my relationships... which stems from a lack of understanding and social norms. i totally get it that you don't get it - i don't get it either.
the way i see it:
option 1 - seattle - mhgs
option 2 - seattle - job
option 3 - baton rouge - nobts
option 4 - baton rouge - job
option 5 - baton rouge - lsu
option 6 - run away
the way He sees it:
options 1-6 - lack of faith
on top of all this is a silent disapproval that permeates many of my relationships... which stems from a lack of understanding and social norms. i totally get it that you don't get it - i don't get it either.
2.25.2007
unexpected
so much for me trying to get my sleep schedule back to anything resembling "normal"... with the addition of the music player to this blog, i've been searching through all my old music to find songs that mean something to me so that i can share them with you. this morning, i was up past 4 am looking for one particular song. the name was eluding me, and that was driving me nuts... so, stubborn one that i am, i dug out some old cd's that i burned almost 5 years ago, to the day - i burned them right around the time my divorce was finalized.
i have never listened to them.
i know that's strange - but i knew when i burned them that my intent was not to listen to them, but rather to capture a season of my life so as not to lose it. i wanted to capture all of the emotion, pain, fear and loneliness of that time, even as i wanted a place where the good memories could remain, intact and unforgotten. the cd's are entitled, "heartbreak 1" and "heartbreak 2". going through them tonight, it's amazing how beautifully they reflect the end of a relationship, the end of that part of my life, and how they even manage to allow some of the good times to bring a smile to my face. even as my heart tugged, there were very few tears... i only actually cried when enya's "intro to watermark" came on - how random is that??? out of 40 songs ranging from clint black and keith whitley (yes, country - what else fits so well in this situation?), the calling to stp, rem to system of a down, godsmack to son volt, bad company to nirvana, alice in chains to pavarotti... the songs manage to capture all of the emotions, and, in some very strange way, to validate them. the pain was real, and even with the passing of time and the fading of those memories, it's strange to realize that i need those emotions to be valid and real.
huh. i never realized that i needed that until just now.
the lack of tears was unexpected and somehow reassuring. to find that i have reached a point where i can look back and smile, remember, and KNOW that part of my heart is healed... that's priceless. it was quite an experience to listen to the music, remember the pain, and it not be about my ex. it was rather surreal, now that i think back over it. the pain was dull and sharp, all at the same time, but it wasn't about him, it was about the death of the relationship. strange distinction, i know, but real all the same.
Jesus stepped into the darkness that still lurks deep in the recesses of my heart, and although He has already done so much, He continues His healing work - sometimes without me even realizing it. there are other wounds stemming from that time in my life that are yet to be addressed... but it seems as though He brought me there tonight just to show me how far He's taken me. i think He just offered me a gentle nudge of reassurance that He is continuing His work of changing and softening and reshaping my heart. that's so amazing to me... and so gracious of Him to go back to that place with me, especially because i didn't even know i needed to go back.
i've never been one to look back very often - i believe my life is about where i am going, not about where i've been. i do so every now and again here on this blog as a way to share my life with you, and as a way for me to go back and let Him finish anything left unattended after all this time. i think it's fair to say that i am not normally given to shying away from pain, conflict or struggle - and i think it's cool that He's pointed out that He was redeveloping and reshaping those qualities even back then. it's incredible to look back now and see His hand all over this life. i love how personal He is! speaking of - brian has a great post up right now about how personal Jesus is - not just Jesus Himself, but His message, His way - all of Him is just, well, intimately involved and intertwined in our lives, throughout our lives. nate also has a really good post that explores this... this... inward invasion of our hearts.
inward invasion - that's exactly right! Jesus stands, just here, waiting for us to ask Him in. once we do... watch out. He's up to more than just binding up the brokenhearted - He's here to stay, and His presence creates a longing, a yearning, for MORE - more healing, more love, more of our hearts given over to Him, day after day. in my experience, i couldn't just give Him my heart and all the brokenness there... at least, it wasn't a one-time deal. trusting Him as Savior is one thing - getting to know Him is quite another experience. we keep going back, going deeper. the whole point of intimacy is a complete and thorough knowledge of one another - reciprocity is the key that allows for relationship. the overflow of this relationship is love - love for God and love for man. those would be commandments 1 and 2, as it turns out. funny that, as that's where release for the prisoners (oppressed) begins, as well. (in case you're unfamiliar with the text, i'm referencing isaiah 61:1-2, which Jesus quoted in luke 4:18-19 when He revealed Himself as the Christ.)
i'm not sure how i progressed from looking for a song, to realizing that my pain was real and valid, to recognizing His inward invasion of my heart, and, from all this, to have arrived at the very basics of being a disciple of Christ - love. He's doing something pretty crazy in me. in the space of 12 or so hours (it's taken a while to get this post right), He's taken me from the death of a tangible relationship to the reality of life with Him.
from death to life... that's the beauty of the Gospel. it's the allure of the invitation to freedom and life... and the invitation to die, so that we may live - and that others may live, as well.
i have never listened to them.
i know that's strange - but i knew when i burned them that my intent was not to listen to them, but rather to capture a season of my life so as not to lose it. i wanted to capture all of the emotion, pain, fear and loneliness of that time, even as i wanted a place where the good memories could remain, intact and unforgotten. the cd's are entitled, "heartbreak 1" and "heartbreak 2". going through them tonight, it's amazing how beautifully they reflect the end of a relationship, the end of that part of my life, and how they even manage to allow some of the good times to bring a smile to my face. even as my heart tugged, there were very few tears... i only actually cried when enya's "intro to watermark" came on - how random is that??? out of 40 songs ranging from clint black and keith whitley (yes, country - what else fits so well in this situation?), the calling to stp, rem to system of a down, godsmack to son volt, bad company to nirvana, alice in chains to pavarotti... the songs manage to capture all of the emotions, and, in some very strange way, to validate them. the pain was real, and even with the passing of time and the fading of those memories, it's strange to realize that i need those emotions to be valid and real.
huh. i never realized that i needed that until just now.
the lack of tears was unexpected and somehow reassuring. to find that i have reached a point where i can look back and smile, remember, and KNOW that part of my heart is healed... that's priceless. it was quite an experience to listen to the music, remember the pain, and it not be about my ex. it was rather surreal, now that i think back over it. the pain was dull and sharp, all at the same time, but it wasn't about him, it was about the death of the relationship. strange distinction, i know, but real all the same.
Jesus stepped into the darkness that still lurks deep in the recesses of my heart, and although He has already done so much, He continues His healing work - sometimes without me even realizing it. there are other wounds stemming from that time in my life that are yet to be addressed... but it seems as though He brought me there tonight just to show me how far He's taken me. i think He just offered me a gentle nudge of reassurance that He is continuing His work of changing and softening and reshaping my heart. that's so amazing to me... and so gracious of Him to go back to that place with me, especially because i didn't even know i needed to go back.
i've never been one to look back very often - i believe my life is about where i am going, not about where i've been. i do so every now and again here on this blog as a way to share my life with you, and as a way for me to go back and let Him finish anything left unattended after all this time. i think it's fair to say that i am not normally given to shying away from pain, conflict or struggle - and i think it's cool that He's pointed out that He was redeveloping and reshaping those qualities even back then. it's incredible to look back now and see His hand all over this life. i love how personal He is! speaking of - brian has a great post up right now about how personal Jesus is - not just Jesus Himself, but His message, His way - all of Him is just, well, intimately involved and intertwined in our lives, throughout our lives. nate also has a really good post that explores this... this... inward invasion of our hearts.
inward invasion - that's exactly right! Jesus stands, just here, waiting for us to ask Him in. once we do... watch out. He's up to more than just binding up the brokenhearted - He's here to stay, and His presence creates a longing, a yearning, for MORE - more healing, more love, more of our hearts given over to Him, day after day. in my experience, i couldn't just give Him my heart and all the brokenness there... at least, it wasn't a one-time deal. trusting Him as Savior is one thing - getting to know Him is quite another experience. we keep going back, going deeper. the whole point of intimacy is a complete and thorough knowledge of one another - reciprocity is the key that allows for relationship. the overflow of this relationship is love - love for God and love for man. those would be commandments 1 and 2, as it turns out. funny that, as that's where release for the prisoners (oppressed) begins, as well. (in case you're unfamiliar with the text, i'm referencing isaiah 61:1-2, which Jesus quoted in luke 4:18-19 when He revealed Himself as the Christ.)
i'm not sure how i progressed from looking for a song, to realizing that my pain was real and valid, to recognizing His inward invasion of my heart, and, from all this, to have arrived at the very basics of being a disciple of Christ - love. He's doing something pretty crazy in me. in the space of 12 or so hours (it's taken a while to get this post right), He's taken me from the death of a tangible relationship to the reality of life with Him.
from death to life... that's the beauty of the Gospel. it's the allure of the invitation to freedom and life... and the invitation to die, so that we may live - and that others may live, as well.
2.23.2007
music!!!
and the master, the man... introducing matthew and his mad skillz
----> a radio!!!
woo hoo!!! go matthew, go matthew, go matthew!!!
----> a radio!!!
woo hoo!!! go matthew, go matthew, go matthew!!!
2.21.2007
decide
this is today's entry from diary of an old soul by george mcdonald. any attempt by me to comment or expound on it will only take away from it's beauty.
'Tis--shall thy will be done for me?--or mine,
And I be made a thing not after thine--
My own, and dear in paltriest details?
Shall I be born of God, or of mere man?
Be made like Christ, or on some other plan?--
I let all run--set thou and trim my sails;
Home then my course, let blow whatever gales.
2.20.2007
perspective 2
so this wasn't the song i thought i was posting next, but it's been circling in my mind. again, if you know it, try to refrain from singing it to yourself as you read the words - view it through the lens of worship, but with a cool twist - HE is singing to us... i love the passionate pursuit and desire for deep intimacy that this song conveys - especially from His perspective... "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." - zephaniah 3:17
-- follow me, written by john denver
it’s by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done
to be so in love with you and so alone
follow Me where I go
what I do and who I know
make it part of you to be a part of Me
follow Me up and down
all the way and all around
take My hand and say you’ll follow Me
it’s long been on My mind
you know it’s been a long, long time
I’ve tried to find the way that I can make you understand
the way I feel about you and just how much I need you
to be there where I can talk to you
when there’s no one else around
you see I’d like to share My life with you
and show you things I’ve seen
places that I’m going to
places where I’ve been
to have you there beside Me and never be alone
and all the time that you’re with Me
we will be at home
-- follow me, written by john denver
2.17.2007
forty-seven
[this is a joint effort by me, katie, paula and nate... we're all in this together]
our annual concentrated time of prayer is typically known as "the 30 days". that time has now been stretched to 43 days, to include january 1 through february 12. this year, it was extended to 47 days, as we held our first family meeting on february 16. 47 days of prayer, of spiritual craziness and watching God trump the enemy again and again and again.
what we want to record here is a list of lessons learned this year, so as not to go into next year unprepared. some are obvious, some are not. this list is a way to remember - a place to come back to reflect and, hopefully, allow the Lord to continue to teach us over time.
our annual concentrated time of prayer is typically known as "the 30 days". that time has now been stretched to 43 days, to include january 1 through february 12. this year, it was extended to 47 days, as we held our first family meeting on february 16. 47 days of prayer, of spiritual craziness and watching God trump the enemy again and again and again.
what we want to record here is a list of lessons learned this year, so as not to go into next year unprepared. some are obvious, some are not. this list is a way to remember - a place to come back to reflect and, hopefully, allow the Lord to continue to teach us over time.
- don't go into this expecting to get your ass kicked - because you will
- drama is self-inflicted - it is a choice
- not everyone intercedes in the same way - some petition, some have divine insight, some wrestle with demons, some declare His glory, some just pray it down - but the whole combines into a beautiful canopy of prayer
- when battling demons - the Word is NOT NEGOTIABLE
- when you have nothing nice to say - SHUT UP (note to self)
- the enemy is not very creative - the same tactics work again, and again, and again, and...
- the enemy apparently does not like it when a Body comes together to read Neil T. Anderson's WHO I AM IN CHRIST
- be prepared to come up for "grace filled air" and spur one another on... sometimes that's the only way to get to the finish line
- load your mp3 player with worship music and let it play as you sleep - all night long
- love covers all transgressions (proverbs 10:12)
- when your wife has a 200 pound demon sitting on her while she sleeps, and wakes up swinging and screaming the name of Jesus, don't commit her to the nearest psych ward for a thorazine drip - pray with her instead
- the enemy is targeting us because we are in the center of God's will - the more ferocious the battle, the greater the victory for the Kingdom
- know when to "just" pray, and when to intervene in a situation - sometimes the Lord really does want to show off
- discernment is a beautiful thing - USE IT
- wisdom is a wonderful thing - ASK FOR IT... and apply it
- if the Lord wakes you up in the middle of the night to write an email - get up and write it - immediately
- fast when He tells you to, stop when He releases you
- be intentional about staying away from situations or people that will cause you to lose focus on Him
- give the pastor guy some grace - he really needs it - he is the one really on the front lines
- the enemy is all about causing division and strife... and a little air-headedness (oh, wait - can i blame that on him?)
- unfortunately, being a friend or family member of a crazy intercessor chick during 47 days of spiritual craziness is not as easy as one would like - just a head's up
- rage should only ever be directed at the one deserving of such malice - the enemy of our souls
- the enemy knows our buttons, and will push them mercilessly
- if you really, really, really don't feel like doing something - drag your butt there, even if someone else has to do the dragging
- accountability is an absolute necessity
- be deliberate about praying for yourself FIRST - it's not selfish, it's essential
- if your first thought is to react - DON'T
- recognition brings on opposition - be ready for it
- when you do mess something up, own up to it, apologize and move on
- it's not your job to cover everyone and everything - that's why we are called a BODY
- the Lord will send people your way to help you, teach you, encourage you and love you
- the dots WILL connect
- "worship is the highest form of warfare"
- declare His magnificence in the face of evil AND in His presence
- demonic assault does not just manifest spiritually - he is not beyond physical affliction
- if you can't actually see to read the words on the page in front of you... the book is an absolute must-read... in this case, Anderson's Victory Over the Darkness
- just because it's almost over doesn't mean lightning won't strike again - in the same place
- put others' needs in front of your own - His timing is perfect - you can count on it
- be deliberate in circling the wagons when part of your community is in need of help - even if they don't know it
- when your world goes beyond crazy - hang on - He's about to rock your face
- the Body is what it is because you are who you are (HIS) - don't forget that
- life emerges victorious even in the face of opposition - praise you, Lord!
- hearing, and listening to, the voice of your Shepherd is CRITICAL
- fight against distraction and diminishment with everything you have - you're here for a reason
- just because something HURTS does not mean it's causing HARM
- STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER... before you throw a couple of punches at the monitor
- keep things in perspective - HE will not fail US (joshua 1:5)
2.12.2007
stretch
we made it!!!
the Lord brought the ring community church through our first year. if i had to pick one word to describe the past 365 days, it would be "stretch". we've grown in ways that we never thought of, faced things that we didn't anticipate, celebrated life and mourned loss, danced, sang, ate A LOT... we lived life side-by-side through all sorts of things that came our way.
and the coolest part about it? as josh said last night, this is not about us at all - it's all about Him, and His glory. no way could we have made it through without Him.
but by the grace of God go we, into the next year. may His will be done, now and always.
the Lord brought the ring community church through our first year. if i had to pick one word to describe the past 365 days, it would be "stretch". we've grown in ways that we never thought of, faced things that we didn't anticipate, celebrated life and mourned loss, danced, sang, ate A LOT... we lived life side-by-side through all sorts of things that came our way.
and the coolest part about it? as josh said last night, this is not about us at all - it's all about Him, and His glory. no way could we have made it through without Him.
but by the grace of God go we, into the next year. may His will be done, now and always.
2.11.2007
perspective 1
this is the first of several posts where i plan to take traditionally secular songs and view them through the lens of worship. if you know the song - try to refrain from singing it in your mind while you read it - let your spirit absorb the words.
i've chosen this one first for 2 reasons - katie thought to view this artist's songs through this lens a couple of years ago - and then paula and i were in lifeway last night, and i actually found this one released as a worship song, covered by travis cottrell on the cd, "found".
-- annie's song, written by john denver
i've chosen this one first for 2 reasons - katie thought to view this artist's songs through this lens a couple of years ago - and then paula and i were in lifeway last night, and i actually found this one released as a worship song, covered by travis cottrell on the cd, "found".
You fill up my senses
like a night in the forest
like the mountains in springtime
like a walk in the rain
like a storm in the desert
like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses
come fill me again
come let me love You
let me give my life to You
let me drown in Your laughter
let me die in Your arms
let me lay down beside You
let me always be with You
come let me love You
come love me again
-- annie's song, written by john denver
2.07.2007
faith
i'm reading diary of an old soul by george mcdonald with some friends as a daily devotional this year. here is the one for my birthday:
step by step, into His heart. it is everything i desire... and everything i fear.
Thou near then, I draw nearer--to thy feet,
And sitting in thy shadow, look out on thy shine;
Ready at thy first word to leave my seat--
Not thee: thou goest too. From every clod
Into thy footprint flows the indwelling wine;
And in my daily bread, keen-eyed I greet
It's being's heart, the very body of God.
step by step, into His heart. it is everything i desire... and everything i fear.
1.30.2007
Stronghold
continuing from the last post...
"there" is anywhere, anyone, or any place that leads me away from Him. fill in your own blank - the world, sin, old behaviors, old thought processes...
the Lord has been very faithful lately to break down some serious strongholds in my life... stupid things that have become stumbling blocks over time. He has also been very faithful to bring even the really hard ones to my attention - and to let me suffer through them until i decide enough is enough and allow Him to break them for me, once and for all.
i will seek You, Lord
while i am in my youth,
i will serve You, Lord
and i'll proclaim Your truth,
for you searched and found me
while i was far away,
and in my troubled times
You always keep me safe.
the Lord is my light and my salvation,
whom shall i fear, whom shall i fear?
the Lord is the Stronghold of my life,
whom shall i fear? whom shall i fear?
i know that You are for me,
i praise You 'cause You're for me.
--darrell evans
"there" is anywhere, anyone, or any place that leads me away from Him. fill in your own blank - the world, sin, old behaviors, old thought processes...
the Lord has been very faithful lately to break down some serious strongholds in my life... stupid things that have become stumbling blocks over time. He has also been very faithful to bring even the really hard ones to my attention - and to let me suffer through them until i decide enough is enough and allow Him to break them for me, once and for all.
i will seek You, Lord
while i am in my youth,
i will serve You, Lord
and i'll proclaim Your truth,
for you searched and found me
while i was far away,
and in my troubled times
You always keep me safe.
the Lord is my light and my salvation,
whom shall i fear, whom shall i fear?
the Lord is the Stronghold of my life,
whom shall i fear? whom shall i fear?
i know that You are for me,
i praise You 'cause You're for me.
--darrell evans
there
i don't want to go there - i want to stay here, where it's hard, but Secure.
i don't want to go there - i want to dwell here, where there is risk, but it's Good.
i don't want to go there - i want to rest in peace, weary from the Battle.
i don't want to go there - i want to live, where life is truly Life.
i don't want to go there - i want to be known, and not have to hide.
i don't want to go there - i want to thirst, and drink deeply of His grace.
i don't want to go there - i want to yearn, knowing that He will satisfy.
i don't want to go there - i want to awaken, heart fully alive.
i don't want to go there - i want to trust, knowing that His heart is good.
i don't want to go there - i want to know the weight of His glory, and mine.
i don't want to go there - i want the hope of a life fully restored.
i don't want to go there - i want to have joy, especially when life hurts.
i don't want to go there - i want to stop doubting, to have faith and be faithful.
i don't want to go there - i want to weep for HIM who is LOVE.
i don't want to go there - i want to not worry, and go dance with my Lord.
i don't want to go there - i want my flesh to die and resurrect in Him.
i don't want to go there - i want to abide in the constancy of Christ.
i don't want to go there - i want to be holy, pure and lovely - the Bride.
i don't want to go there - i want to desire, to long, for Jesus alone.
i don't want to go there... why do i keep going back?
but in the pain, there is beauty, for He is all that is True, and Good and Beautiful.
everything i want is already mine. i must choose, daily, to walk in that Truth... and realize, perhaps more importantly, that HE will not fail ME. (joshua 1)
i don't want to go there - i want to dwell here, where there is risk, but it's Good.
i don't want to go there - i want to rest in peace, weary from the Battle.
i don't want to go there - i want to live, where life is truly Life.
i don't want to go there - i want to be known, and not have to hide.
i don't want to go there - i want to thirst, and drink deeply of His grace.
i don't want to go there - i want to yearn, knowing that He will satisfy.
i don't want to go there - i want to awaken, heart fully alive.
i don't want to go there - i want to trust, knowing that His heart is good.
i don't want to go there - i want to know the weight of His glory, and mine.
i don't want to go there - i want the hope of a life fully restored.
i don't want to go there - i want to have joy, especially when life hurts.
i don't want to go there - i want to stop doubting, to have faith and be faithful.
i don't want to go there - i want to weep for HIM who is LOVE.
i don't want to go there - i want to not worry, and go dance with my Lord.
i don't want to go there - i want my flesh to die and resurrect in Him.
i don't want to go there - i want to abide in the constancy of Christ.
i don't want to go there - i want to be holy, pure and lovely - the Bride.
i don't want to go there - i want to desire, to long, for Jesus alone.
i don't want to go there... why do i keep going back?
but in the pain, there is beauty, for He is all that is True, and Good and Beautiful.
everything i want is already mine. i must choose, daily, to walk in that Truth... and realize, perhaps more importantly, that HE will not fail ME. (joshua 1)
1.26.2007
abandoned
[although this does not surprise me in the least, this is an incredibly difficult post to write. lucky for me that i am an incredibly stubborn individual, when i have to be... as evidenced by the post time of 11-ish, which is when i began, and the fact that it's now 4:34 in the am]
worship is the highest form of warfare.
i learned this at the captivating retreat. yes, i heard the words, understood their meaning... but i experienced it first-hand over and over and over again while we were there. i say "we" because this is about the collective beauty of the women who were absolutely abandoned in their worship, unashamed of their love and need for Jesus.
i've never experienced that level of freedom in worship IN MY LIFE. there were women dancing, praying, laughing, crying, shouting, weeping, standing, sitting, singing, silent, hands raised in fists of victory or defiance, hands stretching out to touch His face, or lying prostrate on the floor - face down or face up - every conceivable way of physical expression of worship in utter abandonment to Him. it was fantastic. it was beautiful. it was freedom.
there were so many women hurting, so many seeking Jesus, so many desperate for true fellowship, bound to the other women by a shared desire to love, and be loved. i've written about this before, but it comes to mind again tonight. (ok, so it's 4-ish in the morning again - i have not yet been to sleep - my disclaimer if this ends up not making any sense...) this has been an incredible couple of days and i find myself longing for that freedom to just exist in a state of pure worship. the Lord has been showing off lately, big time, in many lives around me, including my own. i am brought back to those memories by a very pressing need to express to Him how much i love Him - not just for the amazing things He's doing, but really just because He is who He is.
HE IS THE LOVER OF MY SOUL.
although i was there as a participant, the intercessor in me was keenly aware of the spiritual junk going on. i say junk, only to point out that the enemy really stood no chance of getting to us while we were there, not to downplay what was going on spiritually. there was some serious healing taking place and we were taught how to fight to keep it. of course, the on-site intercessors really paved the way for us by covering us in a canopy of prayer... what an amazing calling, and what an amazing gift!
i've read somewhere that intercession and worship go hand in hand as spiritual gifts. that makes perfect sense to me, because, as previously stated, worship is the highest form of warfare. on sunday nights when my spirit is particularly stirred up about something, i make a point to go find our worship leader and encourage him, to remind him that he is leading us to the Lord, to take seriously the fight for the hearts in the room through worship. (not that he doesn't take it seriously - i just have gotten into the habit of giving him a head's up if my spirit is jumping) i find as i tune into the various aspects of the ministry, that there are specific prayer needs for each one. the band needs prayer differently than the pastor... the Body needs prayer differently than the technical team... the diversity of needs makes me depend that much more on the Spirit leading me in prayer. i love how that speaks to His intimate counsel and care for us!
i've sat in the back of the gym at 5:45 prayer, and just looked around. it was like i could almost see the connection of the hearts going on - the intimate conversations between the God of the universe and His kids, simultaneously - intimate and pervasive, all at the same time... like streams of light going up from different areas of the room. i'm not a very imaginative creature, so that's a stretch for me... but a glorious one for Him to allow me to glimpse.
a friend of mine doesn't understand why i surround myself with worship music when i'm driving. it used to be more about keeping my flesh under control and keeping my focus on all things Christ - a constant reminder of the life and the path that i have chosen, that i have been called to and that i intentionally live out day by day. however, the more i grow as an intercessor, the more i learn - mostly by trial and error - the more i realize that i MUST be surrounded by music that calls to my spirit. think about it. the more intentionally i walk into this role as an intercessor, the more of a threat i become to the enemy. the more of a threat i become, the more he wants to take me out.
i went to dinner with a friend of mine tonight, for the sole purpose of celebrating His goodness. i really wish i did that all the time, not just when He decides to step it up a notch. i want to celebrate Him all the time. rejoice in our sufferings, and all that. my heart is not there, but i want it to be... that counts for something, right?
i say all that really to pass along something that i've learned the hard way - when you are under attack, in whatever way it manifests in your life, there is more you can do than "just" pray. chose to be surrounded by music that makes your spirit soar. chose to envelope yourself in something beautiful. chose to sing His praises, even if it's out of pure defiance of the enemy of your soul. abandon yourself to Jesus...
1.25.2007
approach
i've never done this before, but then again... i've never experienced anything quite like what happened tonight before, either. (how's that for a set up?)
a few weeks ago, our pastor spoke highly of an aspiring new Christian musician who was scheduled to perform tonight at zoar baptist church in central, louisiana. i'd never heard of this artist, but my pastor is an accomplished musician, so i hold his opinion in high regard... and besides, our worship band is from zoar, so attending was just as much about supporting their church as it was about supporting an aspiring new musician. (i must say that the ring was well-represented... we made up about 1/3 of the audience - how cool to walk into a church i've never been to and see my community there!)
everyone, meet phil wickham. he's from san diego, pronounces baton rouge as "baton rou-gay" and would have loved to have seen the saints and the chargers throw down in the super bowl. alas... oh, and he calls crawfish "craw puppies" which can only be an hysterical combination of "crawfish" and "hush puppies"... fun personality aside, he is quite talented. but that doesn't really tell you much about him, does it?
well, this should help. first, here is his website. second, i am making an exception for him and relenting on my total anti-myspace stance long enough to give you a way to find out more about him. be warned - myspace is of the devil... i joke, i kid... i don't. anyway, here is his space; it's got some great music (we sing always forever at the ring - it's beautiful), tour dates and such. (whew - no lightening! - let's get past this paragraph and on to what the night held, and not push our luck...)
so the night started with the student pastor, brian, opening us up in prayer. wow - that man can PRAY! so few words, so much power and love unleashed... talk about setting the tone for worship! i'm sitting there, in a foreign place, surrounded by loved ones and strangers, and we all entered into God's presence in such a powerful way. did i mention that man can pray??? holy cow. then there's this guy just standing on stage, just him and his acoustic guitar. now, i'm sitting there, blown away by brian's prayer, and this music begins. i really don't know what to expect - i've never heard of this guy, i don't know any of his music - at least, i didn't know always forever is his song - and i'm waiting with baited breath to see what's next... and i am drawn into his heart for the next hour - he was raw, passionate and real. i think i'm transparent? please. i can't think of a more vulnerable position to be in than playing to complete strangers and just letting it rip - pouring your heart out to your Lord in song. i was vibrating inside about 15 minutes into it, and am still smiling as i type this hours later.
as per the usual, worship was not all the Lord had in mind for the night. more humility - a friend had to buy me one of phil's cd's with a promise to pay her back... and more put-yourself-out-there obedience. that's right - He sent me to find brian to speak words of encouragement to him. no way i could have left that church without thanking him for bringing us into the Lord's presence so powerfully. what could have been a really awkward encounter turned out to be beautiful - the look on his face and in his eyes was worth every niggling doubt about what the Lord told me to do, and why He wanted me to do it. i don't have any idea what the Lord did in his heart with those words, but it was beautiful, whatever it was. sooo cool.
i'm not sure that we so much approached the throne room as we busted through the door. i think the coolest part was that it wasn't about the music. weird, huh? yes, the music was great and, from what i know about him, i highly recommend phil. but i think, to me at least, that the night was more about coming alive... about the Lord continuing to draw me out of this semi-secluded existence into Him, through His kids, through worship, through fellowship, through humility, through obedience... paula recently said to me that we learn more about God so that we can worship Him more, so that we can approach Him more fully in love and with adoration. i had never equated head knowledge with worship before. or, more correctly stated, i had never equated learning more about God as a means to worship Him more. but it makes so much sense! the more i learn of Him - whether it be through a sermon, getting to know Him, someone else's walk with Him... however i encounter Him, i invariably walk away from that encounter, loving Him more... which opens my heart even more. i am already profoundly affected by music - when my spirit joins in - well, that's just a beautiful thing.
a few weeks ago, our pastor spoke highly of an aspiring new Christian musician who was scheduled to perform tonight at zoar baptist church in central, louisiana. i'd never heard of this artist, but my pastor is an accomplished musician, so i hold his opinion in high regard... and besides, our worship band is from zoar, so attending was just as much about supporting their church as it was about supporting an aspiring new musician. (i must say that the ring was well-represented... we made up about 1/3 of the audience - how cool to walk into a church i've never been to and see my community there!)
everyone, meet phil wickham. he's from san diego, pronounces baton rouge as "baton rou-gay" and would have loved to have seen the saints and the chargers throw down in the super bowl. alas... oh, and he calls crawfish "craw puppies" which can only be an hysterical combination of "crawfish" and "hush puppies"... fun personality aside, he is quite talented. but that doesn't really tell you much about him, does it?
well, this should help. first, here is his website. second, i am making an exception for him and relenting on my total anti-myspace stance long enough to give you a way to find out more about him. be warned - myspace is of the devil... i joke, i kid... i don't. anyway, here is his space; it's got some great music (we sing always forever at the ring - it's beautiful), tour dates and such. (whew - no lightening! - let's get past this paragraph and on to what the night held, and not push our luck...)
so the night started with the student pastor, brian, opening us up in prayer. wow - that man can PRAY! so few words, so much power and love unleashed... talk about setting the tone for worship! i'm sitting there, in a foreign place, surrounded by loved ones and strangers, and we all entered into God's presence in such a powerful way. did i mention that man can pray??? holy cow. then there's this guy just standing on stage, just him and his acoustic guitar. now, i'm sitting there, blown away by brian's prayer, and this music begins. i really don't know what to expect - i've never heard of this guy, i don't know any of his music - at least, i didn't know always forever is his song - and i'm waiting with baited breath to see what's next... and i am drawn into his heart for the next hour - he was raw, passionate and real. i think i'm transparent? please. i can't think of a more vulnerable position to be in than playing to complete strangers and just letting it rip - pouring your heart out to your Lord in song. i was vibrating inside about 15 minutes into it, and am still smiling as i type this hours later.
as per the usual, worship was not all the Lord had in mind for the night. more humility - a friend had to buy me one of phil's cd's with a promise to pay her back... and more put-yourself-out-there obedience. that's right - He sent me to find brian to speak words of encouragement to him. no way i could have left that church without thanking him for bringing us into the Lord's presence so powerfully. what could have been a really awkward encounter turned out to be beautiful - the look on his face and in his eyes was worth every niggling doubt about what the Lord told me to do, and why He wanted me to do it. i don't have any idea what the Lord did in his heart with those words, but it was beautiful, whatever it was. sooo cool.
i'm not sure that we so much approached the throne room as we busted through the door. i think the coolest part was that it wasn't about the music. weird, huh? yes, the music was great and, from what i know about him, i highly recommend phil. but i think, to me at least, that the night was more about coming alive... about the Lord continuing to draw me out of this semi-secluded existence into Him, through His kids, through worship, through fellowship, through humility, through obedience... paula recently said to me that we learn more about God so that we can worship Him more, so that we can approach Him more fully in love and with adoration. i had never equated head knowledge with worship before. or, more correctly stated, i had never equated learning more about God as a means to worship Him more. but it makes so much sense! the more i learn of Him - whether it be through a sermon, getting to know Him, someone else's walk with Him... however i encounter Him, i invariably walk away from that encounter, loving Him more... which opens my heart even more. i am already profoundly affected by music - when my spirit joins in - well, that's just a beautiful thing.
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