so this "next step" journey is playing out as expected.
i spent the morning looking at Christian grad schools, delving more deeply into my desire to serve the Lord and His kids through Christian counseling. i even found a school and contacted them for more information... which is confusing, because my heart beats so strongly for the ring, it's hard to understand why He would call me away. i'm not saying He is, i just have to be open to all possibilities right now. He didn't bring me through the past 8 months of hell just for kicks - He was preparing me for the next season.
i kid you not - 5 minutes after sending that request - guess who called to set up an interview? thankfully, i was on the phone with my sister and they left a voicemail. honestly, i don't want to interview this week - if at all - i have serious doubts as to whether this is a path i want to choose at all... i left that side of banking 10 years ago for a reason. i don't want to find a job so that i can earn a paycheck. i want to serve my Lord. i also want to help my family. Lord, please help me trust in Your provision, so that i can choose wisely.
i feel like i'm playing a divine game of chess. it's my move, and i really want to put the match on hold long enough to go to colorado. there is more heart work to be done in me, and i'm committed to allowing the Lord full access to me - all of me. i want to be able to focus on Him, rather than worry about finding a job... i'm much more concerned with finding my calling.
Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
Psalm 86:11
2 comments:
The divine chess comment stuck with me. The whole point of chess is to checkmate (defeat completely) the king. Attack him on all sides where he can't move anymore without being captured on the next move.
From my vantage point, you're far from being checkmated. You belong to the King Himself. And there's no way He's trying to maneuver you into a checkmate. He might be surprising you with a few moves you didn't expect...
In my life I find that the decisions that are the hardest for me to make are the ones where all of them look right. That's where my faith kicks me in the butt and I take a leap, knowing He's going to be exactly where He's always been. Right by my side...
my ignorance of chess is woefully apparent...
maybe go-fish is better... no, i need a game that requires ante. maybe poker - yeah, that's it - i'm in a poker game with the Lord and He's holding His cards tightly to His chest. nope, that doesn't work either... blackjack, that's it. i can't see any of the cards and have to step out in faith.
yay faith tests!
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