rewire

in a loose continuation from the last thought of the last post...

the Word tells us that we are new creations in Christ... that we are to put off the old man and to put on Christ. sometimes, putting off the old ann is not as easy as i'd like it to be. it takes a real effort to take everything i've learned about walking with Christ and apply all of it forward to today. i've learned a lot about my heart from the likes of john eldredge and the ransomed heart team, from my pastor, my church community, my geographic community, many authors and movies. i've learned, first and foremost, that it is good. yeah, that's right. my heart is good. (if this concept totally shocks you, don't take my word for it, check this out) i find that, over time, as i let Jesus farther and farther into the recesses of my heart, something really strange and wonderful happens. i find that loving people is not as foreign and difficult as i once learned that it was... 'learned' being the operative word here. my early years were spent learning that i had to protect myself, that people were not safe, not to be trusted. this being "true" to me, why in the world would i want to actually live and love in community with others?

i've also learned a lot about the Battle... perhaps the most important thing that i've learned so far is that this Battle is NOT against flesh and blood, even when - especially when - it seems very much like it is. this Battle is not only for my heart... it's for the hearts of others. Jesus came to accomplish so much more than "your sins are forgiven". He came that we may have life, and have it to the full. He came to restore our unity with the Father, yes, BUT He also came to restore our hearts - to give us life - to graft us into the Vine once again (and again and again and again...). He came to set the captives free, NOT to wrap us up in religion and rules. the enemy's infiltration of the church has caused untold strife, division, hurt and worst of all, God's children to fall away, either due to sin or because they were sinned against in the name of the Father.

i've learned that when i perceive someone as a threat to all i hold dear, that someone is NOT the problem. the enemy is the problem. he is the threat, not the person. let your heart rest on that thought for a minute.

when a person rebels against the church, what they are really doing is trying to protect their heart from wounds, or rather, the message of the wounds they've sustained along the way. religion sucks. i can live my life any way i want to - i'm covered by grace, so it really just doesn't matter, now does it? Jesus doesn't really care about me. i'm going to do whatever i want, and take as many of the church with me as i can because Jesus doesn't really care - He's a liar and has forsaken me. He won't come for me. why would i want Him to come for me, anyway? all church really is are a bunch of hypocrites who sing praises on sunday and live in the world the rest of the time, so why shouldn't i? Jesus has never come for me before when i really needed Him, so why would i ask or expect Him to come this time? i'd rather be cool, have lots of friends and snub the church than actually let Him into my life, much less my heart. it's a lot easier to be the social event of the year than to stop and be still before Him... and why would i want to do that, anyway? life with Him is hard... why, exactly, would i choose to live with Him? what, do you think i'm seriously going to actually choose Him, when He has so blatantly forgotten me? please.

and here is the good news - amid all this questioning and doubt, He waits to expose the lies... and He'll get really creative about revealing Himself... visually, through a song, a smell, a life... or He may choose more drastic measures. He may choose to break our leg and carry us around on His shoulders for a while, so that we are forced to learn His voice and our utter dependence on Him. He may just step back and wait until we dig ourselves in too deep and have no other way out of the disaster of our lives, full of fun and wit on the outside and dead and desperate on the inside. how do i know this to be true? i've been there, done that, as the saying goes. i've been in each of those situations, and He's come for me every single time.

as an intercessor, i've learned to see beyond the perceived threat and straight to the enemy. sometimes, i'm to fight in person - accountability, for example. sometimes, i'm to fight with words - an email, for example. and sometimes, i'm to pull out all the stops and fight heart to heart through prayer alone.

i see the enemy's attempt to infiltrate the church. i also see the lies that are fueling the charge... and i'm pulling out all the stops. this fight is a fight that i am not willing to lose. this fight is heart to heart, for a heart (perhaps many hearts)... and that makes it of vital importance to me... go figure. guess He's not done rewiring this heart just yet...