today has been a seriously intense spiritual day, beginning from the moment i awakened a little after 8 - believe it or not, with a smile on my face, thanks to a new ringtone that makes my heart happy. one of the perks of unemployment is that my normal wake up time is somewhere between 10 and 12, depending on how late i stay up writing...
my radar was on super-sensitive mode before the caffeine even began flowing through my veins. i had a lot going on today, all in the realm of ministry and prayer. getting ready to go to a friend's apartment for a meeting, i dug around in the box that a coworker packed for me on the day i got laid off, looking for a scripture that the Lord gave to me for her over 2 years ago, that He's just released me to give to her now. what i came across instead was a calendar, with all the october birthdays on it. my ex-boss's daughter's birthday was last week, and i had a brief moment of bittersweet memory come flooding back - more sweet than bitter these days, thank the Lord.
knowing all that this day had coming, i knew i needed to be deliberate about submitting myself to Christ, so i lay down on my floor and listened to the daily prayer by john eldredge. it's amazing, so if you have not heard it, i highly encourage you to get it. you can buy it or read it on the ransomed heart website. after praying, i put in a cd entitled, "calling", also offered by ransomed heart. i am on the 2nd cd, and the speaker was just getting to a very painful part of a story where he was involved in an accident that resulted in his friend becoming a quadriplegic. my heart was hurting at his pain, at the lies of failure that he had believed for so long... and my phone rang.
with my new ringtone, irritation is really not an option, although i was interrupted - with an unlisted number, at that. still in the habit of answering all calls - a throwback to when i had a work phone - i answered with a curt but inquisitive, "this is ann." i could not believe who it was - my old boss, calling to check on me. it was so good to hear from him - so good... my heart is still hurting and joyous, all at the same time. it was so good to hear from my friend... so good to be able to release him from his guilt of laying me off... so good to hear his voice... so good to hear about his wife and kids... so good to hear how much he misses me and regrets letting me go, finally having realized that what i lacked in approachability was more than made up for in work ethic, integrity and excellence (his words, not mine). it was so good to hear his thirst for Jesus... so good to hear that he is intentionally seeking the Lord... so good to hear - it was just so good to hear his voice. tears are threatening now as i embrace the hurt and the joy. yes, i was finally validated by his recognition of what i offered, and what he now lacks. but so much more than that, i am so relieved that he is seeking the Lord - i was the only Jesus he had in his life, and i was grieving his loss just as much as i was grieving my own - both the job and the friendship.
my heart is so tender tonight. HE IS SO GOOD... so good.
the timing of this call is interesting, too... building off "acquiesce", sometimes He just wants us to say yes. He just wants our hearts to be willing to do whatever He asks. my heart is open to do as He asks, which in my mind is school in seattle. then i get a call from atlanta...
interesting as that is, the real irony here is that the Lord has softened my heart over the summer, making me less rigid and more approachable... which is exactly what my boss said i was lacking. i know the Lord's timing is deliberate. i just find it interesting that i'm now exactly what my boss wanted, and it's too late. i cannot imagine that the Lord would send me back to corporate america - in atlanta - when seattle has been made so evident. then again, my mom mentioned a school called emory, which i know nothing about, but is apparently a renowned seminary in atlanta. hmmm...
guys, He just wants us to say yes. He just wants us to know how good His heart is. i know this post doesn't wrap very well, but my heart is tender tonight. the Lord gave me such a gift in hearing from philip. any speculation aside, it was so good to hear from my friend whom i miss so much - so much more than i realized. He knew... and my heart is aching with His intimacy.
2 comments:
Something I hope I never get used to is how He touches my heart in ways that I haven't asked Him to or expect Him to. I want to be floored every time He does it.
This so speaks to the fact that He is a relational God who wants to give and share. He's not the old man with a beard sitting on a cloud, but He is here with us. He knows us so deeply. He is the Author of the story.
This was a blessing.
WOW... can't wait to hear what HE does next. My dearest friend how amazing is HIS love for you, how extravagant.
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