my desire

i've been vacillating between trust and fear, believing lies and standing on the Truth - kind of a spiritual schizophrenia of late - reminiscent of david in the psalms. it's all i can do to leave home right now. if things keep going the way that they are, i won't be able to get out of bed soon. i managed to drag my butt out of the house this afternoon, with much emphasis on the dragging... and as always, on the days that we really, really, really don't want to do something, it's because we are really, really, really supposed to do it. knowing that to be true, i found enough stubbornness in me to drag myself out of the house for a pleasant afternoon with my niece and my partner in crime (aka paula, aka the dynamic duo), and then onto church.

on the way home tonight, this song was playing in my truck. my spirit was rejoicing, because i see the Lord doing such a work, and He's allowing me to be a part of that work - i'm just really blown away. then the lyrics of this song began to seep into my soul, and i was instantly humbled and thrilled, all at the same time. i don't think i can adequately express why this hit me so hard. the Lord has promised me restoration, warned me against pride, and called me to serve Him in ways that i never imagined - which is EXACTLY what this song is about... it was a gift from my King on a day when i really, really needed it.

good thing i was already inside the gates to my condo... my spirit began to worship instantly, which means that my eyes closed and my hands raised... i'm pretty sure the Lord parked my truck for me...

You want to be real
You want to be empty inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the King

You want to be whole
You want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today then lay it all down before the King

Chorus:
This is my desire
This is my return
This is my desire to be used by You

You want to be real
You want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart is to feel You near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will

(Chorus)

All my life I have seen where You've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped and there's more left unseen
There's not much I can do to repay all You've done so I give my hands to use

(Chorus)

--My Desire by Jeremy Camp